Feeling loved and valued is essential for humankind. And when a woman becomes pregnant, this need only magnifies. Her body and her hormones are changing daily. Knowing and feeling that she is loved and appreciated by the people around her will help her feel safe and secure as she continues to grow this new life inside of her. But how everyone processes love is different. That is why Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” has been so popular. In his book, he describes the different ways people communicate and receive love. (You can take the quiz here to find out what yours is.) But with the highs and lows of pregnancy, how can you ensure that she feels loved? I covered the 5 love languages of labor and delivery, and postpartum and today, I’m sharing the 5 love languages of pregnancy.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
- Words of Affirmation: Love is shown through written and spoken words of affection, compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and praise.
- Acts of Service: This is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words. It’s when you like to be shown how you’re appreciated and want someone to go out of their way to show you they love you.
- Receiving Gifts: You feel loved when people give you visual symbols of love. It’s not about the gift’s monetary value but the symbolic thought and effort put behind the item.
- Quality Time: When you express your love by giving your undivided attention to someone without distractions.
- Physical Touch: People who communicate their love and appreciation through this language, when they consent to it, feel appreciated when they are touched. This includes hugging, kissing, holding hands, sex, or cuddling. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes with physical touch.
Below is what you can do to show your love and appreciation to a pregnant woman through the 5 love languages of pregnancy.
How to Use the 5 Love Languages During Pregnancy
1. Words of Affirmation
Pregnancy is a beautiful time in a woman’s life. It’s really a miracle when you think about what her body is doing as she grows this baby inside of her. However, pregnancy is not always easy. There can be lots of aches and pains along the way. This includes morning sickness, pregnancy insomnia, heartburn, sciatica, back pain, fatigue, and more. There will be moments when she may feel tired, less attractive, or undesired. This is when partners need to be aware and speak up! Remind her of how beautiful she is and the amazing work her body is doing. If her primary love language is words of affirmation, here are some things to say to her during her pregnancy to make her feel loved.
- You look beautiful.
- Your body is amazing!
- You’re already such a great mother.
- I feel so blessed to have you as the mother of my child.
- I really appreciate all of the things you are doing to prepare for our new baby.
- You are so prepared for this baby. I’m so grateful for all of the preparations you have made.
- You are so beautiful as a pregnant woman.
- I know this pregnancy isn’t easy. I appreciate everything you are doing for our baby and our family.
- What can I do to make this experience easier for you? How can I help?
- I know you’re tired. Thank you for all of your hard work.
- You’re doing such an incredible job. Each day you are getting closer to meeting our baby. Not much longer.
- This baby is so lucky to have you as his/her mother.
- You’ve done such a great job on our baby’s nursery.
- I’m here for you.
- I love you.
If speaking your love and appreciation is not your strength, words of affirmation can also be expressed through a letter. Let her know through your writing that she is loved, desired, special and that you appreciate all that she is doing. It will mean the world to her.
2. Acts of Service
Whether it’s the beginning or the end of her pregnancy, she will be thrilled if you were to take something off of her plate and show her you love her. The first trimester can be exhausting, and the third trimester can be very uncomfortable. Making an effort to do something for her and showing her that you are thinking of her will make her day. Here are some ideas that you can do for her during her pregnancy if her primary love language is acts of service.
- Stock the fridge or pantry with her favorite foods
- Schedule a prenatal massage or chiropractic appointment for her
- Attend prenatal doctor or midwife appointments with her
- Pack her a delicious lunch for the day
- Surprise her with lunch out at work
- Put together the crib or help with the nursery without being asked.
- Cook her a nutritious dinner
- Do some of her chores that she normally does: laundry, pay the bills, pick up groceries.
- If you have other children, pick the kid(s) up from daycare or school on the way home.
- Run late-night trips to the store or restaurant to satisfy her food cravings.
- Draw her a bubble bath
- Plan a date night or weekend getaway for the two of you
Things become more difficult the further along she gets in her pregnancy. By even doing the simplest of tasks, she will be so grateful and feel loved.
3. Receiving Gifts
If receiving gifts is your partner’s love language, I recommend that you start paying attention to the things she says she needs and likes now and write them down. Surprising her with a little something to brighten her day will really make her feel loved. It shows her that you have been paying attention and that you went out of your way to get something for her. Just know that a gift doesn’t have to be big and expensive. It doesn’t even have to cost anything at all, just your time and effort. Here are some ideas to give her if “receiving gifts” is her love language.
- Manicure and pedicure gift certificate
- Prenatal massage gift certificate
- Get her flowers (wild or store-bought)
- Pick up her favorite snacks.
- Schedule her a hair appointment/ blow out
- Buy her a new shirt/maternity clothing.
- Get her new, cozy pajamas.
- Favorite lotion, cream, or body oil
- Pick up a pregnancy, birth, parenting book she’s been talking about
- Schedule a professional maternity photoshoot
- Surprise her with a special guest at her baby shower
- Book her a surprise 3D ultrasound appointment
- Get the house professionally cleaned.
4. Quality Time
This is the last time in your lives where it will just be the two of you. Or if you’re a friend, your expecting friend will never be as available as she is right now. So soak it up! Giving her your time and full attention during her pregnancy will really mean a lot to her. Pregnancy can bring up uncertainty and fears in women that aren’t always rational. Being present for her and giving her your undivided attention, she will definitely feel your love. So put down your phone, give her the remote or turn off the TV. Listen to her and be engaged in your time together. Here are some ideas that you can do for “quality time.”
- Exercise or go on a walk together.
- Go to a couples’ massage.
- Take childbirth classes or parenting classes together.
- Read a pregnancy/birth/parenting book together.
- Go to prenatal appointments with her.
- Take a babymoon.
- Go on a date night out or date night in
- Watch a movie together.
- Snuggle on the couch.
- Decorate the baby’s nursery together.
- Baby proof the house together.
- Schedule dedicated, uninterrupted conversations
- Take her out to dinner.
- Play a board game together.
Doing these things with her can be a great way to shower her with love.
5. Physical Touch
All humans need physical touch. Some require only minimal amounts, but others truly feel loved and connected when they are being embraced. However, some mothers will feel completely touched out, especially at the end of the day, and want no physical contact. But if this is her primary love language, she will probably still want to have purposeful, meaningful, and loving touch from her partner. By giving her some extra physical attention and love, she will feel more attractive and desired, which increases her feeling of security. Something as simple as holding her hand or rubbing her feet can really help. If her primary love language is physical touch, here are some things you can do during her pregnancy to make her feel loved.
- Hold her hand
- Give her hugs
- Massage her lower back, shoulders, hands, and feet
- Rub her head
- Brush her hair
- Dance with her
- Sit near her
- Skin-to-skin contact
- Kiss her: on her hand, her cheek, her lips
- Touch or rub her pregnant belly
- Feel the baby’s movements and talk to her pregnant belly
- Sex/sexual interaction
- Intimacy and touch without sex
This is the time to focus on your relationship and strengthen it before the baby comes. By putting in the time and effort to nurture your bond, she will feel so much for confident, supported, and loved. And when she feels your love and support, it’s a great stepping stone as you both walk into parenthood.