Divorcing While Expecting

Divorcing While Expecting | Baby Chick

Divorcing While Expecting

What’s more stressful than getting a divorce?… Getting a divorce when you’re pregnant. When you’re pregnant and trying to figure out and settle on what you’re going to do with your home, how assets will be divided, and who will keep the dog, things only become more stressful, exhausting and emotional. If you have firmly decided that you are absolutely moving forward with the divorce because it’s what’s best for you and your child (or children), you’ll need some help. Yes, it will be tough; yes, you’ll have added stress when your hormones are already all over the place, but you can and will make it. If you’re divorcing while expecting, here are some tips that can help you get through.

1. Feel Your Feelings

It’s important to let women know that it’s not only okay, but that you should allow yourself to feel sad, disappointed, upset and hurt when you’re going through such a devastating life change. The only way to grow from it all is to feel your feelings. Let yourself experience those emotions and have them move through you instead of bottling them up and having them hold on to you. There are too many women that hold on to the bitterness and pain of divorce and it doesn’t help them eventually become happy, find peace and recognize the beauty with this new chapter in their lives.

2. Don’t Rush into Another Relationship

You may feel that being in a new relationship is the best thing for you because you will have constant support. I can image that being “single” while pregnant is scary, however, I have been told by one mom that she really regrets rushing into a relationship while she and her husband were getting a divorce (while she was pregnant). She told me that she never gave herself the time to grieve her marriage and mentally process the divorce before her baby came. It affected her new relationship as time passed and it only brought more drama and turmoil during the end of her pregnancy, her birth, and the first months of parenting. Before getting into another relationship, she recommends focusing on you and the baby and reflecting on what happened in your marriage so that you don’t repeat the pattern in your next relationship.

READ MORE
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3. Try to Communicate

I know… the last thing you want to do is communicate with your soon-to-be ex-husband. That’s a reason why you’re getting a divorce. But you have to keep trying to communicate because you will soon have a little reason that will  forever connect the two of you together; your child. If communicating with him is something that is close to impossible, I recommend seeking out a good therapist or counselor that specializes in helping couples during divorce and helping parents co-parent. A counselor can help both of you learn better communication skills and they can help you work through the emotions of a divorce while pregnant so that you can hopefully build a stable co-parenting relationship for your child.

4. Plan Ahead

Once you have worked on your communication, come to an agreement about child support and visitation. It’s better to figure that out sooner rather than later. If you don’t incorporate these terms into your divorce decree, you’ll have to go back to court at a later time to have these settled. It’s painful to go through it, but save yourself from further emotional and financial pain by getting these established ahead of time. Which brings me to my next point…

5. Get Legal Advice & Understand the Laws in Your State

Find an attorney that you can trust (one that specializes in divorce) so that you can turn to him or her for advise. He or she can help you better understand what you should prepare for and what you can expect. Something that you need to look into are the laws in your state regarding pregnancy during divorce. Your attorney can help with this. Some states will not allow you to file for divorce if you’re pregnant; you will have to wait until after your baby is born to file. Other states won’t finalize your divorce until after you deliver your baby. Whatever the case is, the timing of your divorce could have long-term ramifications on your ex’s parental rights and responsibilities so be sure to discuss all of this with your attorney.

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6. Build Your “Village”

I know that I’ve said this before, but it’s vital that you start building your “village”. These are the people that you can turn to when days get tough. Pregnancy can be hard on it’s own so think of the people who are in your life that can lift you up and help you when you need a hand and are feeling down. This could be family, friends, neighbors, church members, doulas, support groups, etc. Just remember that you do not have to do this alone.

7. Take Care of YOU

During tough times and major life changing events (like divorce) it can be difficult to be kind to yourself and take care of you. So many people find themselves not eating enough or eating too much, not exercising, not getting enough sleep, not finding ways to heal, etc. when they are experiencing a break up. But you are pregnant. You must remember that there is life growing inside of you. Not only is self-care helping you during this transition, it is helping your child start a happy and healthy life. Make an effort to continue to take care of yourself and do the things that bring you joy.

8. Co-Parenting

Hopefully your ex will want to be (because he should be) involved in your child’s life. I get that it can be tough to continue a relationship with your ex (even when it’s only a co-parenting relationship), but ultimately, if it’s in the best interest of your child, you must find a way to make it work. Prepare yourself ahead of time for these growing pains and see a family therapist, sign up for a co-parenting class, and read some books on co-parenting.

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9. Know That You’re Not Alone

Because you are going through an incredibly difficult life changing event while pregnant, this puts you at risk for postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. It is completely normal to feel sad and upset at this time. However, if you recognize that these feelings are continuing or worsening and you’re having a harder time finding things that bring you joy, or you begin to have thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby, you must say something. Many women feel that they will be judged and labeled as a bad mother, but you are not. This is treatable and you can be helped. Speaking up is taking care of you and your baby. I recommend speaking with your OB or midwife. He or she can help you find a therapist so that you can get some help and not feel alone.

10. Learn to Ask for and Accept Help

I don’t know what it is about women, but we feel that we need to do everything on our own. (Myself included.) We know that we are capable of doing it all (because we can) and we don’t want to burden anybody else. I recognize that this is silly, but this is especially silly if you are going through a divorce while pregnant. We have to learn that it’s okay to ask for help and accept help when offered. Let people assist you when preparing for baby; let them bring you freezer meals or help you clean your house. Whatever it may be, you will be incredibly happy later on that you asked or accepted their help.

Getting a divorce during pregnancy is tough enough, but always know that you are not alone and that you will get through this. Give yourself grace, give yourself time to grieve, and focus on you and the new life that you will soon be bringing into the world.

About the Author /

Nina is The Baby Chick® & CEO of Baby Chick®. She is a baby planner, birth doula, postpartum doula, childbirth educator, newborn care specialist, and a mother. With over eight years of experience, she has supported hundreds of families during their pregnancies, births, and postpartum journeys.

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Instagram post 17862171103601373 All of these things make me happy. What would you add to your self care toolbox?⁠
I'm seriously needing some of these things tonight to start a new week. Hoping you mamas get some self care time too! 💕⁠
📷: @hallmark⁠
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Instagram post 18081610903134401 Praying that your toddler let's you get to sleep this weekend. 🙏💤⁠
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Instagram post 17853200368708392 SURPRISE! A little shocked, a little tired, and a LOT BLESSED. Congrats, @sarah_lit! ❤️⁠
📷: @sarah_lit⁠
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Instagram post 17864808397574241 Pregnant and hungry all the time? Here are some great ideas to keep in the fridge when the hunger pains kick in! 🤰👍⁠
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Instagram post 18073051357163780 When it comes to clamping the cord, our mottos is "what's the rush?" The blood volume in the placenta and cord at the time of birth is BABY'S blood. It's simply mid-circulation in the placenta at the time of birth. It just makes sense to leave it be and let it finish its job.⁠
No, the blood won't drain out of baby and go backwards into the placenta.⁠
No, your baby is not more likely to get sick from jaundice.⁠
Yes, your baby will still be getting oxygen while they figure out breathing, especially important if they need resuscitation.⁠
Yes, your baby will have better iron levels for the first year of their life.⁠
Look at how thick and engorged this cord still is at 4 and 18 minutes after baby was born. Just imagine how much blood baby would have lost if the cord had been clamped immediately, or at 60 seconds, 90 seconds, or 3 minutes! The placenta was expelled immediately before the 18 minute photo was taken. The pulse in the cord could still be felt even AFTER THE PLACENTA HAD BEEN DELIVERED! The cord was finally clamped and cut more than an hour after birth at 73 minutes. ❤️⁠
📷: @lawrenrosephotography⁠
Informative post and words by @bundleborn⁠
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Instagram post 17852665306696124 With the holiday season upon us and moms trying to make everything magical for their families, remember to stop and take a moment to take care of you. ❤️ Have a hot cup of coffee, a long warm shower and some alone time. Communicate this with your partner not as a wish but as a necessity. We must take the time to take care of ourselves to better take care of them. 💕⁠
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Instagram post 18095239591099259 After holiday feasting . . . this baby gets me.⁠ 🤣
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Instagram post 17844162355818683 I think I had a little too much turkey . . . and pie. 😬🍗🥧 #leggingsforlife⁠
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Instagram post 17990835490280335 I totally felt this way when I was pregnant. And kinda feel this way after all that turkey. 🤣🦃 Happy turkey day to all you expecting mamas!!⁠
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Instagram post 18094211479105476 I spy with my little eye the cutest turkey ever. 😍 Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Hope it's filled with love, laughter, and cuteness like this. ❤️⁠
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Instagram post 17852562805720320 Loneliness is a real thing in new motherhood and I want to be sure we talk about this. It's okay to say, "I feel lonely." We normalize one another's experiences when we share the reality of our journey. It can be so isolating when we bring our small human home and our lives revolve around his/her care. We feel detached from the outside world. The monotony of new motherhood can be heavy.⁠
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Here are some tips to combat isolation:⁠
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1️⃣ Get outside when possible.⁠
2️⃣ Video chat with friends/family.⁠
3️⃣ Join a virtual group.⁠
4️⃣ Invite someone to come over.⁠
5️⃣ Find a local mom's group.⁠
6️⃣ Listen to the radio or a podcast (it's interesting how this can make us feel connected with others)⁠
7️⃣ Run an errand--even grabbing a coffee via drive-thru can feel good.⁠
8️⃣ Get to know your neighbors.⁠
What would you add to the list?⁠
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Repost: words and 📷 by @psychedmommy⁠
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Instagram post 17867282176536875 ⁠For the week of Thanksgiving (and longer if you can!) let's focus on what we DO have instead of what we lack. The more we express gratitude and appreciate our blessings the more we recognize all of our blessings and everything we should be thankful for. 💕⁠
📷: @hallmark⁠
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Instagram post 17855722339639264 ✈️ Tips to Survive a Plane Ride with Kids ✈️⁠
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Flying on a plane with your little one for the first time can be terrifying. Are they going to cry the whole time? How will they handle the airport, the turbulence and the landing? Well we have some tips that will help prepare you for your flight with your kids. Here's what to do to have a more enjoyable experience 😊 {Link in bio!}⁠
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