The Importance of Me Time as a Mother

Over the past decade, studies have shown that despite apparent improvements in women’s lives over the last 50 years, women’s happiness levels have steadily declined.¹ There are many theories as to why this is, but one likely reason is that life has become more hectic than ever. More women are juggling careers, relationships, families, households, friendships, and responsibilities outside the home, often all at once.²

It is no surprise, then, that many women, especially moms, struggle to prioritize themselves. I know I do. Since becoming a mother, I have found it increasingly difficult to find time to do things just for me. What I have learned is that time does not simply appear. If we want it, we have to make it. And making time for yourself is not selfish. It is essential, not just for your own well-being, but for the example you set for your children.

Why Is Me Time So Important?

Taking time for yourself is about more than relaxation. It plays an important role in your identity, your emotional health, and the example you set for your children.

You’re Not Just a Mom

Sometimes, it may feel like it, but you’re not “just a mom.” Yes, being a mom is an incredibly important job. It’s perhaps even the most important job of your life, but it is not all that defines you. Before you were a mom, you were a woman with goals, hopes, and dreams. Before you were a mom, you were likely a wife, a friend, a colleague, or a co-worker.

While those roles in your life may have fallen away since having your baby, they are no less a part of who you are now. Those roles have helped mold you into the person you are. And, one day, you may have to or want to wear those old hats again. Your hopes, dreams, goals, friends, career, relationships . . . they’re all still there. And you have every right to continue to pursue them. Yes, being a mom is wonderful and so important. But so is who you are underneath that one layer.

Related: Identity Crisis of Motherhood: You’re Not “Just A Mom”

Your Children Grow Up

Believe it or not, your babies won’t be babies for much longer. I know it’s cliché, but they grow up in the blink of an eye. Once those kids are out of your house (heck, once they hit junior high and want nothing to do with you), if you don’t have interests and activities that fill you up outside of raising your children, you will feel very lost and alone. Listen, none of us wants to be that helicopter mom who follows her kid to the mall and watches him in stealth mode. But if you don’t start cultivating healthy, enjoyable, fulfilling hobbies or interests that are JUST FOR YOU, you may be that creepy mall mom before you know it.

Be an Example for Your Children

For better or for worse, your kids are watching you ALL THE TIME. They learn more by the example you set than by the words you repeat to them (likely on an hourly basis).³ When you fail to take time for yourself, you risk teaching your children that they are the center of the universe. This inevitably leads to selfish kids. By taking time for yourself regularly, you show your children that your interests matter and that your life outside of them is valuable.

Having a happy and fulfilled mom will benefit your children more than a mom who sacrifices her passions for her children. When they see you actively pursuing a goal, a dream, or simply taking time to read a book because you enjoy it, you’re teaching them that you value yourself as much as you value taking care of them. That is a powerful lesson.

It Makes You a Better Mom

If you’ve ever been on an airplane, one of the most important instructions in the safety speech is that if the oxygen mask falls from the overhead compartment, you are to place it over your own face first before placing one over your child’s face. The purpose of that instruction is that you can’t help your child if you haven’t filled up your lungs with life-giving oxygen first. The same is true in motherhood. The more you fill up your fulfillment tank, the more you can pour into your children. Regularly taking time for yourself helps you to be a better mom.

Related: How to Be a Good Mother

How Do I Make It Happen?

We’ve established that taking time for yourself is essential. Your next question is likely, “But how?” I get it. You’re extremely busy, with a lot on your plate, and the days and weeks seem to pass you by. I know it seems impossible to make time for yourself, but it’s not.

Here are some ideas for carving out regular, valuable me time. And by regularly, I mean as often as you can fit it in at this stage of your life. It may be once a month, or it may be once a day:

Go out to lunch or a coffee shop ALL BY YOURSELF. Bring a book or a magazine, or take the time to make that phone call to a friend you’ve been putting off.
Go window shopping or go try on some pretty dresses you can’t afford. You don’t have to buy anything!
Get a manicure or pedicure . . . or both! Or spring for a massage.
Go for a walk with your headphones and nothing else. Listen to your favorite (non-Disney) music, and let your mind wander.
Take a bubble bath. Bonus points for taking a glass of wine with you. 😉
Get up early in the morning (before the kids get up), read, do a Bible study, or write in your journal.
Watch your favorite television show while the baby naps (I promise, the laundry will still be there later).
Work on a craft you’ve wanted to start but never got around to.
Do some yoga or meditate.

Whatever you choose to do with your time, be fully present in it. Try not to let guilt or unfinished tasks steal the moment. Everything will still be there when you return. Your partner is capable, your children will be safe, and the world will not fall apart while you step away. Taking time for yourself is not a luxury. It is an investment in a happier, healthier mother and family.

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