Having a baby completely shifts your world. For months, you and your growing baby are the center of attention, and then suddenly, everything revolves around your child.
Your days become focused on meeting their needs, and somewhere along the way, it can feel like you lose a sense of who you are. If you have ever felt this way, you are not alone. You are not “just a mom.” You are so much more.
You Are More Than “Just a Mom”
Motherhood brings incredible changes, but it should not erase who you are as a person.
So many things shift after having a baby, and it is easy to lose sight of yourself in the process. But you are more than the role of “mom.”
Body Changes
- I don’t recognize my body anymore. It no longer feels familiar.
Your body no longer feels like your own after having a baby. I am almost two years postpartum and still getting used to my new body. Some days, I still do not recognize myself, and it’s hard to get used to. Even after spending 40 weeks carrying your child and delivering him, your body still may not feel like your own.
Due to lack of sleep, you might be constantly reminded by saggy skin, stretch marks, or dark circles under your eyes. You might leak urine if you laugh or exercise, a constant reminder of the sacrifice that your body underwent to carry your child. If you are breastfeeding, your body is undergoing another sacrifice by nourishing another human.
Your body has changed. Your body has given your family the ultimate gift, the gift of life. No matter what changes your body has gone through, never forget to be thankful for all it has given you.
Related: 5 Postpartum Body Changes You May Not Expect
Your Relationship With Your Partner
- How can I be a mom and partner?
- I don’t even recognize my relationship with my partner anymore.
After you have a child, your relationship with your partner completely changes. I remember feeling like my husband and I were just roommates, passing like ships in the night. We didn’t have meaningful conversations because I just wanted to close my eyes whenever I had a moment to myself. And when I wasn’t sleeping, our baby was my only priority. My partner’s needs very much took a backseat. It became a point of tension in our household. But over time, things have returned to a new normal that we both find comfortable. You must keep an open line of communication with your partner, and the new normal is absolutely within reach.
Related: 5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong After Baby
Your Social Life and Hobbies
- I used to have a social life.
- I don’t feel connected to my friends.
Your hobbies and social life may feel like a thing of the past after you have a child. It can start to feel like a distant memory. Life just goes on for your childless friends. They can go to happy hour on a whim, attend workout classes, or leave home alone for a quick errand. I was constantly jealous of my childless friends, seeing their lives go on as usual. You may feel like your social life is nonexistent. But what is important to remember is that you will find a new normal in your life with your new family. My son now tags along with us to many places and has become very adaptable. Hopefully, your friends will adopt your child as their own, and having supportive friends through motherhood is an incredible gift. And if you feel like your friendships haven’t been there for you during your transition into motherhood, find your new tribe. Your mom tribe.
Related: 10 Friends Every Mom Needs
Your Career and Sense of Purpose
- I used to be so driven.
- Once upon a time, I had goals.
- I don’t do anything important anymore.
- My days all blend together.
- How can I balance work and home?
Being a mom is an incredibly important role. But you may find yourself longing for your career, as it can provide another sense of purpose. I experienced this myself and went back to work after 18 months as a stay-at-home mom. While I will forever cherish my time with my son, I longed for a purpose beyond just being a mom. I found that sense of purpose again by going back to work, and now my time with my son is precious rather than a burden, as I admittedly felt before. Every day was the same, so I found it important to discover my purpose beyond being a mother. But being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t make you “just a mom.” You are a caretaker, nurturer, nurse, chef, housekeeper, bookkeeper, planner, and so much more.
Related: What I Wish I Had Known About Being a Working Mom
Finding Yourself Again After Motherhood
In a time when you might feel lonely or disconnected, know that you are not alone. So many women experience this shift as their lives change so quickly. It is normal to miss parts of who you were before becoming a mom.
Over time, you will find your way back to yourself. Motherhood does not replace who you are, it adds to it. You are still you, and that part of you is still worth nurturing.
