When I Became a Father: A Dad’s Perspective

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When I Became a Father: A Dad’s Perspective

It makes total sense that we ask mothers how they feel throughout their pregnancy and often encourage them to reflect on the nine-month-long process. But we never seem to ask a dad’s take on becoming a father. So, I decided to sit down with my husband and ask him about his perspective on the journey to fatherhood. This is what he had to say.

1. How did Lanie tell you that you were going to become a father? What was your initial reaction?

It was a Thursday evening and I had just arrived home from my client-site in Pennsylvania.  I was tired but went into the bedroom to change. I was going to run out and meet a friend for a drink or two, not knowing yet that Lanie had called him and said I’d be late. Instead, when I opened the door, I found a stuffed Texans Toro wearing a baby-sized Foster jersey and Texans bow. There was also a Baylor onesie, and a note that said “Just in time for next season. Baby Towsley Due August 2013.” I was shocked, we had only decided to start trying the month before! I cried and gave her the biggest hug I could. And then I met my friend at the bar and took a shot.

2. Did you do anything to actively prepare for fatherhood?

I didn’t really do much. I let Lanie do all the research since that’s her thing anyways. She relayed whatever information she found pertinent. We did practice some of the techniques Nina (our doula) introduced to us for relaxation. And I did my “homework” by giving lots of massages. Other than that, I asked my friends, who were already dads, if I had questions about things.

READ MORE
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3. What are some funny memories you have from during the pregnancy?

There is one I like to call it the “Turkey Incident.” Lanie was supposed to be at an art exhibit, but about 30-minutes after she had left, she comes tearing into the house with a grocery bag. When I asked what she was doing home, I swear I saw fire in her eyes and there may have been some F-bombs muttered. A few minutes later she sat down and inhaled the biggest turkey sandwich I’d ever seen. At that moment I realized pregnancy cravings were real. She returned to normal shortly after the first bite. However, I’ll never forget the fear for my life and anyone else’s who stood between her and that turkey sandwich.

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4. How did you feel about Lanie’s decision to hire a doula and to choose an unmedicated birth?

I was all for it, 100% supportive. I knew she had done her research and she was passionate about it for her own reasons. The best decision I made during her pregnancy was to realize that she’s the one going through it. It’s her body and ultimately the decision should be 100% hers. A couple of our friends and her sister had hired doulas so I was comfortable when she told me she was interviewing a few of them. In the end, having Nina as our doula was a great decision because I felt like she helped Lanie in ways I couldn’t or wouldn’t have known about.

5. Describe your reaction when Lanie went into labor.

Well, I don’t really remember it because it was 3 a.m. and I was half asleep. I vaguely remember opening an eye and seeing the biggest grin on her face when she announced that her water had broken. I quickly filled with the dread at the realization that the A/C had broken (in August) on the day she went into labor. Also, I remember the howling laughter from the nurse when I called a few hours later and said, “I’d like to report that my wife is in labor!”

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6. What do you remember most about the Labor & Delivery room?

This probably sounds bad because it’s another food memory. At one point Lanie just couldn’t live without M&Ms and again I saw the fire in her eyes. I went on a hunt for peanut M&Ms because she wouldn’t eat any other kind and, again, she returned to normal after the first bite. Her doctor later thought it was pretty funny when she asked for one while pushing. I also vividly remember the fear she conjured up in the residents who made the bad decision to walk into the room while she was in transition. F-bomb after f-bomb after f-bomb. Oh, and everyone told me not to look but I did, and it was pretty cool.

7. Describe the first moment you saw your son.

I don’t really know how to describe it, seeing him on her chest for the first time. I know I was crying, she’s shown the pictures of that enough times. Honestly, I’m not sure I want to share that moment with anyone but her.

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8. If you can remember, what were those first days and weeks of fatherhood like?

Ummm…tired. A blur. Scary. It’s all kind of a black hole, really. Breast pump parts, poop, creams I’d never heard of or wanted to know about. Sleepless. Yeah. But awesome.

9. What advice would you have for new dads?

Every child is different and you will go through something totally unlike what I went through. I learned that after listening to my friends’ “advice” and realized it didn’t apply to us. Nothing they told me really prepared me so walk into fatherhood. It will be hard and exhausting, but it will also be the best time. Also, support your wife and let her cry when she needs to. Let her make “crazy” demands and tell her she looks beautiful even with spit-up in her hair. And just know that it will end and it will get better. And then they’ll turn two…

READ MORE
A Thank You Letter to All Dads
About the Author /

Lanie is a wife, mother to her two boys, and has a huge passion for maternal health, nutrition, and fitness.

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Instagram post 17990835490280335 I totally felt this way when I was pregnant. And kind feel this way after all that turkey. 🤣🦃 Happy turkey day to all you expecting mamas!!⁠
📷: @madiford2 via Twitter⁠
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#pregnancy #pregnant #funnypregnancy #momtobe #pregnancylife #thanksgiving #mamatobe #turkeymama #babybump #pregnancyjourney #bumpie #thirdtrimester #preggo #pregnancyhelp #maternity #motherhood #momlife #expecting #mumlife #mommytobe #pregnantlife #babyontheway #inspirepregnancy #mommychick #babychick
Instagram post 18094211479105476 I spy with my little eye the cutest turkey ever. 😍 Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Hope it's filled with love, laughter, and cuteness like this. ❤️⁠
📷: @emilyshapaka⁠
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#thanksgiving #happythanksgiving #family #grateful #thankful #babychick⁣ #mommychick #blessed #gratitude #happy #thankyou #happiness #givethanks #turkey #holiday #love #turkeyday #holidays #baby #babyturkey
Instagram post 17852562805720320 Loneliness is a real thing in new motherhood and I want to be sure we talk about this. It's okay to say, "I feel lonely." We normalize one another's experiences when we share the reality of our journey. It can be so isolating when we bring our small human home and our lives revolve around his/her care. We feel detached from the outside world. The monotony of new motherhood can be heavy.⁠
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Here are some tips to combat isolation:⁠
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1️⃣ Get outside when possible.⁠
2️⃣ Video chat with friends/family.⁠
3️⃣ Join a virtual group.⁠
4️⃣ Invite someone to come over.⁠
5️⃣ Find a local mom's group.⁠
6️⃣ Listen to the radio or a podcast (it's interesting how this can make us feel connected with others)⁠
7️⃣ Run an errand--even grabbing a coffee via drive-thru can feel good.⁠
8️⃣ Get to know your neighbors.⁠
What would you add to the list?⁠
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Repost: words and 📷 by @psychedmommy⁠
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Instagram post 17862516742586656 Pass the rolls. Baby rolls, bread rolls, all the rolls.⁠ 😍🍞👶 #thanksgivingjokes 😜⁠
📷: @divasunrisekiss⁠
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Instagram post 17867282176536875 ⁠For the week of Thanksgiving (and longer if you can!) let's focus on what we DO have instead of what we lack. The more we express gratitude and appreciate our blessings the more we recognize all of our blessings and everything we should be thankful for. 💕⁠
📷: @hallmark⁠
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Instagram post 17855722339639264 ✈️ Tips to Survive a Plane Ride with Kids ✈️⁠
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Flying on a plane with your little one for the first time can be terrifying. Are they going to cry the whole time? How will they handle the airport, the turbulence and the landing? Well we have some tips that will help prepare you for your flight with your kids. Here's what to do to have a more enjoyable experience 😊 {Link in bio!}⁠
📷: unknown⁠
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📷: Martiza Elizabeth on FB
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Instagram post 17851960762699775 Sums up exactly how I feel during the holiday season . . . Wanting to do all the things to make Christmas magical, but also being so tired from adulting/parenting that sitting down and watching Hallmark Christmas movies sounds magical enough. ✨😂🎄🎅
But I still end up doing all the things for my baby. 🥰
(quote: @torturedbytoddlers)
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#christmas #holidays #motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick
Instagram post 18088282996121148 🤣⁠🤣🤣 Sexy Saturday night.⁠
📷: @debiandbebi⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17855413267630317 Truth. 🌊🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️⁠
📷: @hallmarkbaby⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick
Instagram post 17872798477499657 When your child refuses to eat anything but carbs. 😑 #passtherolls⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick #thanksgiving
Instagram post 17849308249732665 ❤️ The hardest and best work there is . . . raising the next generation of leaders and world changers. 💪⁠
📷: @fransandflora⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #raisethemright #parenting #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #mommychick #babychick⁣ #parentlife #instakids
Instagram post 17850175066728361 You feel like you should be done, but you're not . . . 😳😫⁠
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Instagram post 17853710218663622 ⁠When you put her in everything pink and even pink hair ties but everyone still calls your baby a boy. 😒😂🤷‍♀️⁠
📷: @newmumshub⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17936649685321666 How many babies do you see?⁠ 😮⁠
📷: @danielmarquez33⁠
Repost: @maternity⁠
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Instagram post 17851276954712844 When you're at the end of your pregnancy and you have to start answering the phone with "No, I'm not in labor." 🤦‍♀️😂⁠
📷: @chelsabryan⁠
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#pregnancy #pregnant #pregnancytip #momtobe #pregnancylife #mamatobe #firstpregnancy #momstruggles #momprobs #babybump #pregnancyjourney #bumpie #motherhood #thirdtrimester #preggo #maternity #motherhood #momlife #expecting #mumlife #mommytobe #momhumor #pregnantlife #babyontheway #inspirepregnancy #uniteinmotherhood #mommychick #babychick
Instagram post 17866700860543087 ❤️❤️❤️ Play is a love language for children.⁠
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Instagram post 17905061554388493 A little compassion can go a long way. ❤️ Here are some things that can help when in doubt ⁠what to do.⁠
📷: @healthline⁠
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#depression #postpartum #postpartumdepression #PPD #postpartummooddisorders #mentalhealth #selflove #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #mindfulness #love #healing #positivity #babychick
Instagram post 17850784273708011 From fab to feral. 😹⁠ Love you, honey!⁠
📷: @mommymemejeans⁠
Repost: @onefunnymummy⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 18004974676264288 Or try to open the door mid-pee⁠. 😑😑😑 Thanks, kid.⁠
📷: @aleeandria⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #mommychick #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 18070428667166782 My nightly skincare routine. 🤣🤣 For real though . . . I need all the help I can get. #latherup⁠
📷: unknown⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17852873872664390 Harvesting colostrum . . . look at all of that liquid gold!⁠ 😍 If your baby comes early or you are already lactating before baby arrives, it’s great to hand express into a teaspoon and gather what you’ve collected into a syringe. #breastfeedingtip
📷: @boo.b.ltd
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#breastfeeding #motherhood #momlife #postpartum #nursing #momtobe #normalizebreastfeeding #newmom #mumlife #colostrum #liquidgold #breastmilk #motherhoodthroughinstagram #mommylife #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #mommychick #babychick⁣
Instagram post 18081663985089005 Do you SEE me struggling as I try to open the door?? Nope? Cool . . . just walk on by. 😑😫👿⁠
📷: @modernmomprobs⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick
Instagram post 18113982706026763 Praying that all the babies sleep through the night! 🙏💤⁠
📷: @hallmarkbaby⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick
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