Historically, mothers tend to receive more attention than dads when it comes to parenting. This is partly because they are often the primary caregivers, while fathers have sometimes been viewed as secondary or “playmate” parents.1 As gender roles continue to evolve and dads take on more active, engaged roles in child-rearing, it’s important to look at how this involvement influences children, particularly sons.
Note: This article focuses on research related to fathers and sons, but families come in many forms. Children can thrive in loving homes led by single parents, same-sex parents, grandparents, or other caregivers. The presence or absence of a father does not determine a child’s worth or potential.
Related: Every New Dad Should Know These 10 Things
Key Benefits of Fathers Being Present
There are so many benefits to having a father around. Here’s a summary of some eye-opening findings from different studies on this topic:
- One study showed that children with involved fathers grow up to have less promiscuous sex, higher-paying jobs, and healthier relationships.6
- Another study identified that fathers’ involvement in their sons’ lives (including emotional warmth, learning, and stimulation in the home) predicted cognitive, social, and emotional skills of boys aged 24 months old.2
- Longitudinal research (conducted over a long period) into criminal behavior was conducted on thousands of fathers and sons. This study found that for sons whose fathers didn’t break the law, only 4% went on to break the law themselves, compared to 40% whose fathers had broken the law.3 It shares the correlation of how fathers’ attitudes and behaviors can directly shape their sons.
- A recent study showed that the time a father spent with his son (identified as more powerful than daughters in this study) was a protective factor against externalizing (aggression, acting out, disobedience) and internalizing (depression, anxiety, etc.) symptoms. This included playing sports, cooking, watching television, playing games, etc.4
And while the research is helpful, many families feel this truth in everyday moments, too.
Fathers Are Important From the Beginning
A father’s role can start earlier than many people realize, even before pregnancy and birth.
Many people believe that once the father’s sperm fertilizes the egg, his job is done until the baby is here. Since fathers cannot carry the fetus, this belief is not necessarily untrue. However, science finds how the father’s behaviors and health before conception relate to the baby’s health and wellness in later years. For example, a recent study suggests that fathers who drink right before conception may have sons who abuse alcohol.7 Another study has found that men who have poor dietary health can have negative pregnancy outcomes. This study also supported research that men who are feeling stressed before conception can predispose their babies to have high blood sugar.8
This doesn’t mean that every child conceived while a dad was feeling stressed out will have high blood sugar. However, just as moms shouldn’t smoke or do drugs while pregnant, dads are also not exempt from taking care of themselves to better their children.
If a father is going to be involved in his child’s life, the earlier he can start the attachment process, the better. This includes being an active partner during pregnancy and labor. Another study also suggests that if a father cannot be present at the birth, the mother and baby should return home to the father as soon as possible to start the attachment process.9
Sons and Fathers
The research is overwhelming on the significant impact fathers have on their children. They specifically affect their kids’ mental health development, physical health development, and emotional development.10,11 Dads have a specific role in a child’s life, and when they are absent, it comes with a cost.
Sons especially need their dads. In Paul Raeburn’s book, “Do Fathers Matter?”, he describes how scientists observed that boys in the United States whose fathers were off fighting in World War II during their childhoods later had trouble creating relationships with others as they matured. Similar studies cited in the book show that sons who grow up without fathers (or with fathers who are disengaged) tend to be less popular in preschool.
Fostering the Father/Son Connection
It’s important to note that fathers don’t necessarily have to live in the same home as their children. As long as they are present and engaged in their boys’ lives, the positive impacts remain.5 Here are some quick tips for fostering a great father-son relationship, regardless of living arrangements:
1. Dads need to invest their time in their children. It is essential for a father to set aside things like sports, projects, and plans to show that his best and most important investment is in his son and/or children. It is not necessarily the quantity of time but the quality.4
2. Many dads struggle with physical touch with their children, especially dads of boys. But physical contact, nurture, and warmth are vital in letting him know you love him no matter what. This can mean actions like patting on the back, hugging, and kissing your son.2
3. A son needs to know his interests (hobbies, sports, academics, etc.) are pleasing to his father. Appreciating his son’s interests is an excellent way for a father to show his son that he matters.2
4. Telling his son he is proud of him is a way to ensure he can confidently enter the world. Knowing his dad believes in him gives a son a sort of armor around him. Some boys need their father’s affirming words.2 Others might need one-on-one time over breakfast. Taking the time to find this out is worthwhile!
If a father isn’t present, look around at the other men in your life. Thoughtfully consider what kind of male role models we have for our sons. Great men are all around us, including coaches, teachers, family friends, and extended family members. A strong male role model in our sons’ lives is vital to their success and future.
