5 Benefits of Having an Only Child (Why One Can Be Just Right)

I’ll never forget when I was young and someone asked how many children I wanted one day. I always wanted at least three or four kids. Then I heard a close friend answer that same question with, “One.” Surprised by her response and curious to know more, I asked her, “What makes you want only one?” Her answer came from being an only child herself. She loved being the one and only. To her, it was perfect. So why would she want to have more than one?

Fast forward 15 years, and I have many friends with only one child. A 2015 Pew Research Center report found that 22% of U.S. mothers ages 40 to 44 had one child, compared with 11% in 1976.¹

Of course, it’s important to remember there are many reasons a family may have only one child. Some parents intentionally choose to have just one. But other parents deal with infertility, and their child is the only child they could have. Other times, a separation or divorce changes a parent’s plans to have more children. And sometimes, parents begin their families later in life and have one child. Whatever brought a family to having one child, there are real reasons to feel good about raising an only child.

Why Do Only Children Get a Bad Rap?

Sadly, there has long been a stigma attached to having (or being) an only child. Psychologist G. Stanley Hall once described “being an only child” as “a disease in itself.”² Only children have often received a bad rap for being selfish and bossy, unable to play well with others, or trapped in a lonely world.

In a 1986 review, psychologist Toni Falbo and her colleague Denise Polit examined 115 studies of only children published between 1925 and 1984.^3,4 Their findings challenged the negative stereotypes attached to only children.^3,4 They discovered some areas in which only children had more success than children with siblings. On measures of adjustment and sociability, only children were generally similar to children with siblings.⁴

5 Benefits of Raising an Only Child

Having siblings is not a requirement for a happy childhood. Here are five ways an only child and their parents can thrive.

1. They Can Thrive Academically

Falbo and Polit’s review found that only children did well on measures of achievement and intelligence, although they did not outperform firstborns or children from two-child families.⁴ Having one child can give parents more room to focus their time and resources on that child’s interests and education.

2. They Can Develop Strong Self-Esteem

Being the center of your parents’ attention can sometimes feel like a lot, but it can also have benefits. A review by Polit and Falbo found evidence of a self-esteem advantage for only children.⁷ That does not mean every only child will feel confident all the time, but it challenges the idea that growing up without siblings puts a child at a disadvantage.

3. They Have Opportunities To Practice Independence

It’s a misconception that only children are lonelier. An only child might ask for a brother or sister because they want a playmate, but that doesn’t mean they feel lonely all the time. Time without a sibling nearby can give children opportunities to choose their own activities, entertain themselves, and practice doing things independently.

4. They Can Build Strong Friendships

Although only children may not have siblings to interact with at home, that does not mean they struggle to make friends.⁵ A study of more than 13,000 adolescents found that only children received friendship nominations from peers just as often as children with siblings.⁸ School, activities, cousins, and neighborhood friends can all give children opportunities to connect.

5. There Can Be Benefits for Mom, Too

In a study using Danish twin data, Hans-Peter Kohler and his colleagues found that having a first child was associated with greater happiness for women, while additional children were associated with lower reported happiness.⁶ That finding does not tell any individual mother how many children will make her happiest.

Many moms are made to feel selfish or guilty for stopping at one or enjoying having the flexibility of only having one child to focus on. Enjoying that flexibility does not make a mother selfish.

There’s no perfect number of children for every family. Some families are big, some small, and for many, one feels just right. If your heart is full with one child, embrace it because your family is already complete.