Why You Should Have Two Kids (From a Mom of Four!)

Family of four hanging out together having family time.

Why You Should Have Two Kids (From a Mom of Four!)

If you ever asked what I think the perfect number of children is, I think you’d be surprised. Two kids is where it’s at! Of course, I love having four children. For so many reasons. For starters, I genuinely look forward to big holidays one day when we’ll have so many people around our kitchen table that we have to bring in an extra table from our garage. I also strangely like that our house always has plenty of noise and energy. It is never boring. And I love that no matter who comes in and out of my sons’ lives, they will always have built-in best friends in their brothers.

But I also recognize that big families are not for everyone. Because while I enjoy chaos and schedules that always overlap and have learned to accept bedtime routines that never end, I also know that it can be a recipe for stress and a life of non-stop action. And this is the reason why when people ask me, “What number children is a good number to go to?” I always answer, “Two kids.”

I recognize that sounds contradictory when I have chosen to have two more than two. But when I consider all the physical, mental and emotional parts of parenting, my heart tells me two is the most practical number for someone who is wanting children, but maybe doesn’t want to feel like the parenting intensity level is on high at all times. And here’s why I recommend having two kids.

Why You Should Have Two Kids

Two kids allows for one-one-one attention.

We’ve all heard the old adage that parenting two is (wo)man-to-(wo)man defense and parenting three is zone defense. And while it is funny, it really is true! (Even though I’ve never played basketball.) As in, if you and your partner are together, having two children allows each of you to divide and conquer at times. Sure, there are still times where one parent is doing all of the care, but when you go out to eat or go on a vacation, your ratio is able to be one-on-one. And that allows for chaos to be minimized. Even though some strong-willed little ones can equal three kids. 😉

The little years don’t last forever.

When you have more than two children, it is likely you end up staying a longer duration in the toddler years (Read: changing dirty diapers, cleaning out rotten milk sippy cups and dealing with threenager’s attitudes . . . ) and while those phases can be cute, they can also seem slightly more exhausting if you stay in them a decade. (Although I’m sad to be ending those years in my house.) With two children, those young years come and go more quickly. And can allow you to move into the less physically draining and into the more mentally draining (teenager) years more quickly. There is something about walking out the door knowing you don’t need a baby bag, change of clothes, or a snack that feels freeing.

Finances are practical.

Life is expensive especially if you’re looking at daycare costs! And if both parents are working, they can end up spending a college savings worth of finances on daycare fees by the time your children start grade school, which can sometimes make it seem more reasonable for one person to quit their job while littles are at home. But what if both spouses like their job? Well with two children, it seems more reasonable to make those costs work for a shorter period of time. The management of extracurricular fees, camps, saving for college and all things that come with child-rearing seems a little easier to swallow when it stays within the bounds of planning for two children versus three or four. When our third son joined the year-round swim team, we got a congratulatory letter saying we were funding half the swim team. (I kid. I kid.) But our bank account looked like it.

Schedules are maintainable.

After I had three children, I always told my friends that staying at home with them no longer had periods of feeling like I had nothing to do. It kept be busy and I was hitting all of my steps each day. And after I had four children, I told my friends that I needed to hire a nanny just to help me keep up with their after school activities even though my sole job after school was to be the taxi driver. Because in this supercharged world of insane practice schedules for everything from piano to football, it is hard to have much of a life once children begin getting involved in activities. With two children, I feel the ability to keep a proper balance between two schedules is still realistic. Because after three, you might as well install a mini-fridge in your vehicle.

There is a probability that both can be in a good mood at the same time.

I say this jokingly, but also with seriousness. One of the hardest things about having four children that can be mentally wearing is that the odds don’t work in your favor as far as everyone being happy at the same time. It’s like a scientific fact that is yet to be proven. Even if three of your children are acting like angels, it seems like one is always going to be grumpy or acting out – which tends to bring down the whole crew. But with two, the odds work in your favor. I feel confident that when I leave the house with just two, it is likely they can both maintain a good mood. Or that I have the tools to get them in a good mood regardless! (Threats and chocolate.)

They have a sibling to play with and no one gets left out.

While some people desire just one child, most parents seem to like the idea of their child having a sibling. Having two children allows for just that. Your first child receives a sibling and playmate and there is no competition with what sibling to play with. (Three children can leave someone left out.) Two makes your house feel full without feeling like it’s going to bust at the seams. And if you wanted to only buy a two-bedroom house, two kids can feasibly share a bedroom for longer than they want to admit. My sister and I (just the two of us in our family) did until we were in third grade. And we survived! 

So what is your idea of the most practical number? Do you agree with these ideas or do you have different opinions? I think it’s important to end by saying, while two is my practical advice number for the average person on the planet, it was not the favorite number for my house. Two never felt like quite enough. Neither did three. Apparently, I like things that make me work hard!

About the Author /

Quinn is a wife, boy mom (x’s 4), blogger at Sanctification and Spitup, host of the Renew You Podcast and licensed marriage and family therapist. She loves to encourage others in relationships through her speaking, writing or podcast episodes.

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When I had my first baby, everyone told me to enjoy the newborn stage because it goes fast, and I would miss it. But I was so exhausted and overwhelmed I didn’t believe them. 😴 While I was living through it, it felt like it took forever!⁠
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If you are there now or about to enter this stage, it’s a yummy, delicious, snuggly stage. But for me, it has always been one of the harder ones, every time I go through it. So I see and feel you, mama! It’s physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting. Hold tight, though, because it doesn’t last forever.⁠
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by @chroniclesofdaddy⁠
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I've been asked so many questions by men about fatherhood. So I figured I'd drop some knowledge on my fellow Dads and soon-to-be-Dads. Here's what it looks like for the first few weeks or months after your child is born. Yup. If mom breastfeeds they pretty much are tucked like this and at times you'll wonder "what is there for me to do?" Here are my top 5 tips for any Dad after your child is born.⁠
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1️⃣ For night feedings. When mom wakes up in the middle of the night, you get up and ask if she needs any help or water. The truth is most of the time she will say no but just the fact that you offered will go far.⁠
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2️⃣ Ask mom if she can pump and then pick 1 feeding that you will always do. Mom will take on almost everything and will burn herself out if you let her. At times you may have to force her to rest without worrying about the baby. This is an easy way to do that without a fight.⁠
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3️⃣ Don't put a time limit on how long mom breastfeeds the baby. It's not just about feeding your child it's about them bonding as well. I know everyone has a different length of time they will breastfeed and as a Dad, it's hard to fully understand. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try and rush this process. It's not our place and it's not safe. You will open yourself up to a fight you can't win.⁠
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4️⃣ Be patient. I know as a Dad the first few weeks we are equally excited and yet not as important. Your time will come faster than you know. Babies grow fast and the stronger and bigger they get the more Daddy Time will be coming your way.⁠
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5️⃣ Paternity leave! If you have it TAKE IT. The early stages of a child's life are not just for moms to enjoy. I know as men making the money especially after having a baby it's hard, but trust me. You can always make money but there are no instant replays in life. It doesn't make you more of a man to not take the leave. It's equally as important that you as a Dad get to be a part of the early development of your child. ⁠
If someone needs this info tag them ❤️⁠
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Absolutely love these tips from @chroniclesofdaddy. 🙌
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1️⃣ Look for signs of readiness:⁠
- Diaper dry for at least 1-2 hours.⁠
- Pulling at their diaper when its wet or soiled.⁠
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Potty training is much quicker if your child is showing the above signs, but you can start before this.⁠
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2️⃣ What you will need to buy:⁠
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3️⃣ Getting yourself and your child prepared:⁠
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- Sit your child on the potty at every diaper change, first thing in the morning and just before bed to get them used to sitting on the toilet.⁠
- Teach your child the correct vocabulary or signs needed to communicate when they need to go potty.⁠
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4️⃣ Let's get toilet trained:⁠
- Get your child to choose a pair of underwear and put them on.⁠
- Talk to them about using the toilet and communicating when they need to pee or poo. You can sit them on the toilet at this point if you wish.⁠
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(Continue reading in the comments!)
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“You are my reason.⁠ ⁠ You are the reason I “You are my reason.⁠
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You are the reason I get up each morning.⁠
Even though my eyelids are as heavy as a five-ton truck.⁠
Even though all I want is to sleep in, a coffee and breakfast in bed.⁠
You are more important.⁠
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You are my reason." ❤️ Words by @hangingwiththeheaphys 💕⁠
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Pretty sure my mouth and nose are covered too. 😑😂⁠
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I am a big advocate for breastfeeding. There are s I am a big advocate for breastfeeding. There are so many AMAZING benefits for the mother and child. But you know what I am an even bigger advocate for? A mother's well-being -- her physical, emotional, and mental health!!⁠
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Sometimes we make plans and God laughs. Some of us plan to breastfeed our babies for 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years. Some of us meet our goals and some of us don't. (🙋‍♀️ My goal was to reach a year and made it 7 months.) Breastfeeding can be a lot more challenging than many of us expect. There can be complications along the way, the baby could have allergies, and sometimes breastfeeding or pumping can take an immense toll on a mother's mental health.⁠
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It is my firm belief that we must care for and support the new mother just as much as we care for and support the new child. 💕 While I feel there is so much value in breast milk, in my opinion, if it compromises the health of the mother, it is not worth it. As long as the baby is being fed, cared for, and loved, that is all that matters. And for the mother to grow and thrive in her new role as a parent to continue caring for her child, she needs to do what she feels is best for herself and her family. Sometimes that is not breastfeeding or pumping.⁠
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No matter your feeding experience or preference, you are a good mother. Whether your choice was made by you or made for you, you must do what is right for you and your baby. Your health (mentally, physically, emotionally) matters. ❤️
Being a Stay-At-Home Mom Was Harder For Me Than Be Being a Stay-At-Home Mom Was Harder For Me Than Being a Working Mom⁠ 😬⁠
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Being a full-time, stay-at-home mom of small children is a lot like being the CEO of a corporation. But without anyone working under you and without receiving payment for your efforts. Kinda crazy when you think of it like that, huh?⁠
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I smile as I write this, but that feeling was sometimes true for me. Of course, there are different ways to frame our choices as mothers. Such as looking at stay-at-home-motherhood through the lens of sheer fulfillment that comes from spending quality time with your kids and teaching them the ways of life. For me, what I eventually realized after my second child was born was that I needed to create a lifestyle that filled in the gaps where I felt something was missing. Specifically, I needed someone to help me manage my kids and my household. And I needed to be earning some money myself.⁠ {Click 🔗 in bio to continue reading this mom's story!⁠}⁠
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CC: @herholisticpath
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Chick Picks: Best Baby Swings and Baby Bouncers⁠ Chick Picks: Best Baby Swings and Baby Bouncers⁠ 👶⁠
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In the womb, babies love when you move and walk around because it rocks them to sleep. 🤰💤 When they are born into a cold and bright world, all of that change is a shock to the system! 😱 This is why babies love being cuddled and rocked by you. Your warmth, your scent, and that motion calms them and makes them feel right at home. However, it's unrealistic to think that any parent can constantly rock and bounce their baby. Your arms, shoulders, and upper back will ache! 😫 This is why baby swings and baby bouncers are a thing and why many parents swear by them. 👍 But what are the best baby swings and baby bouncers on the market? 🤔 We are sharing our favorites -- also known as our Chick Picks! -- so that you can look at the best ones and determine which is the right one for your baby. 😍 {Click 🔗 in bio to continue reading!⁠}⁠
📷: @_aalina
Wishing that your day looked a little like this. 💙⁠ Someday soon we will all be united. 🙏
Dad giving a bottle to his baby, and a bottle to his baby, and a bottle to his baby. 🍼😂 We love dads!!⁠
📷: @nicolemacklephoto
Cheers to the good fathers. Today is your day. We Cheers to the good fathers. Today is your day. We don't thank you enough for everything you do every day for your family. You are appreciated more than you know by your partners and children. We hope today you feel that love and gratitude.⁠
Happy Father's Day! 💙
Happy Father's Day 💙 Sending love to anyone who Happy Father's Day 💙 Sending love to anyone who needs it today. ⁠💕⁠
📷: @gmf.designs
From the moment I knew of you, I loved you.⁠ Fro From the moment I knew of you, I loved you.⁠
From the moment I met you, I would die for you.⁠
Being your father is the greatest joy yet heaviest duty.⁠
From your first breath to my last, may you always know my unending devotion and love for you. ❤️⁠
📷: @monetnicolebirths
"I have a hero. I call him Dad."⁠ Dads. They are "I have a hero. I call him Dad."⁠
Dads. They are our superheroes. ❤️ How are you going to celebrate the Dads in your life that you love and appreciate this weekend?⁠
📸: @masseya