Like most three-year-olds, sometimes mine can be a real “threenager.” You know, a three-year-old going on 13: stubborn, snotty, and full of incomprehensible rage, minus the whole puberty and hormones thing. Maybe you accidentally made her a peanut butter sandwich with grape jelly instead of strawberry jelly? Or perhaps you packed the wrong sippy cup for after dance class? There will be hell to pay! You feel me, mommies? The “terrible threes” are the worst.
But then there are times (lots of times) when my three-year-old is my very favorite person in the entire world, and I desperately want her to stay this little, this innocent forever. She doesn’t know enough to be embarrassed by me yet. I’m pretty sure she thinks mommy and daddy are the coolest people on the planet. Most days. I mean, can you blame her? Of course, there are also plenty of moments when a simple “no” can trigger a full-blown toddler meltdown. But there are just as many moments when she still wants to snuggle on the couch and be close to us.
She wants to be with us every second of every day (I realize this will change in just a few short years), and she’s learning to do more things for herself all the time. She even helps me with her little sisters! Although we have had to explain that only mommies and daddies discipline for “not listening.” And besides, everyone knows that toddler hugs are the best hugs ever.
I’ve learned over four years of parenting to appreciate every stage for what it is. Every phase has its ups and downs. It’s how you handle these lows that makes all the difference. We can’t control every toddler meltdown, but we can control how we respond to it. As mommies and daddies, we set the tone for our families. And the quicker we realize this, the better.
Key Takeaways
- The terrible threes are a normal stage of development.
- Three-year-olds are learning independence and testing boundaries.
- Consistency and realistic expectations can reduce frustration.
- Calm responses often work better than power struggles.
- Positive reinforcement can encourage better behavior.
Related: Pregnancy vs. Newborns vs. Toddlers: Which Stage Is Hardest?
What Are the Terrible Threes?
The “terrible threes” is a phrase often used to describe the challenging behaviors many children display around age 3. While every child is different, this stage often includes strong emotions, boundary testing, increased independence, and occasional meltdowns.
The good news? These behaviors are usually a normal part of development. Three-year-olds are learning how to express themselves, communicate their needs, and navigate a world where they want more control but still need guidance from trusted adults.
Related: Why Toddlers Have Tantrums (and How To Handle Them)
5 Tips for Surviving the Terrible Threes
While you may not be able to avoid every meltdown, there are ways to make this stage easier for both you and your child. Here are a few strategies that have helped me navigate the terrible threes with a little more patience and perspective.
1. Remember That Your Child Is Still Learning
Your three-year-old is still technically a toddler. Your threenager is also a little explorer, continually developing new skills. Independence (loud and stubborn) is the name of the game at this stage. Instead of fighting it, why not embrace it? Sure, simple tasks like getting dressed and brushing teeth may take a little longer than usual, but isn’t this our job as parents? Shouldn’t we teach our children to become independent, productive members of society? Unless you want your child living with you until the age of 33. I’m guessing probably not.
Besides, you really can’t call yourself a parent until you’ve shown up at your six-week postpartum OBGYN appointment without a three-year-old dressed up as a mermaid in tow. Trust me, we’ve all been there.
Embrace the curious. Celebrate the adventure. Dealing with a three-year-old is all about having the right mindset. Manage your expectations, and you’ll find this stage a lot easier to enjoy.
Related: What to Do When Your Child Won’t Listen
2. Choose Your Battles Wisely
(Refer to the mermaid costume anecdote above.) Is this a major or minor infraction? If it isn’t a safety concern, sometimes you just have to channel your inner Elsa and Let. It. Go. Because, let’s face it, our hearts and blood pressure can only take so much. Living in a perpetual state of rage and anxiety isn’t good for your health. But significant, bad behavior? By all means, correct it quickly and often. Not every moment has to be (or will be) a teaching one. Some of the small annoyances will work themselves out over time. Three-year-olds often test limits and push boundaries as they learn to be independent. Thank goodness you’re only arguing about picking your nose in public and not about drinking alcohol or dating bad boys. Sometimes it helps to keep things in perspective.
3. Stay Calm During Meltdowns
Take a deep, calming breath. Stay calm, collected, and even-toned when correcting your child. Sometimes a calm, unexpected response can completely change the tone of the moment. Get down at eye level with your toddler, and speak so softly that she has to quiet down to hear. In most cases, you are more likely to get them to cooperate this way. Other times, an old-fashioned come-to-Jesus moment may be in order. Every child is different. You will have to find what works for you and them.
Related: 5 Reasons to Love Having a Hard-Headed Child
4. Teach Boundaries and Offer Choices
Most children start preschool around age 3 or 4. Children this age are expected to listen and respect authoritative figures like parents and teachers, sit quietly for “circle time,” follow directions, and interact politely with others. You really do not want to be embarrassed when your child starts school. Keep in mind that behavioral hiccups are expected at this age, and there is nothing to lose sleep over.
But why not make things easier for yourself and your child’s teachers by instilling good habits now?
Offer choices along with the boundaries. No one likes a dictator. Hello, do you like it when your toddler bosses you around? She probably feels the same way. Instead of fighting with her about eating dinner for the billionth time this week, offer her two options and let her decide. Remember? Toddlers like to feel independent. Give your child a sense of control.
Related: Why Setting Boundaries as a Parent Is Important
5. Focus on Positive Reinforcement
And most importantly, praise your “threenager” for positive behavior. This will encourage those good habits you are striving so hard to instill. Don’t be afraid to reward yourself when things go well. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving when things do not go so well. Parenting is hard work. There’s no hard-and-fast remedy for avoiding road bumps, but you must learn to enjoy the journey.
Related: Why Positive Reinforcement in Parenting Matters
The terrible threes can be exhausting, but they are also filled with incredible growth. Your child is learning independence, confidence, and how to navigate big emotions. While some days may feel overwhelming, this stage won’t last forever.
Give yourself grace, celebrate the small wins, and remember that both you and your child are learning as you go.
