We all have moments of anger as moms. Ugly moments. Tense moments. Moments that, if we were on a camera, might make us cringe when we are at the end of ourselves. And certainly, some moments don’t make us feel like super moms. However, while we tend to beat ourselves for experiencing these moments, it’s better to focus on what causes them to occur and then take action.
While it is normal to lose your temper with your children, especially when you are exhausted, stressed, or feeling unsupported, there is a point at which we can rage and cross the line of what is healthy for our children or ourselves in expressing anger. It’s also important to recognize when we may be in a situation that requires assistance.
What Is Mom Rage?
Mom rage isn’t just anger — it’s a deeper emotional response to exhaustion, stress, and feeling unsupported.
What is the difference between rage and anger? Rage is when you feel your anger is uncontrollable, and you may do or say things that are beyond the normal reaction to a circumstance. Another good indicator of rage is when it happens regularly, rather than occasionally.
For example, your toddler spills milk for the sixth time that week. It’s almost like a switch inside you gets flipped, and instead of cleaning up the milk, you throw the milk carton across the room. Or maybe you yell something toward your child that is drastically more severe than, “I need you to use two hands next time, or we will not be able to use a cup without a lid.” Instead, you might say, “You are the clumsiest kid I have ever met! I can’t stand it!”
It is also a sign that you may struggle with rage if others say that your reactions make them uncomfortable when they are around. Children often adapt to how they are treated, even if wrong. But other adults or children who are not usually in the home can often identify when a person is in an overly emotional state.
Related: 20 Tips To Avoid Mom Burnout and Find Balance
Why Mom Rage Happens
More often than not, mom rage is not a diagnosis. Instead, it is merely a symptom of a mom needing self-care. Moms are often tired. Isolated. Overworked. Overextended. And stressed. And often, they cannot remember the last time they did something for themselves.
Steps for Combatting Mom Rage
Instead of feeling guilty about struggling, it’s essential to take steps to become physically and emotionally healthy, allowing you to better manage your anger. Here are some steps to get healthy.
Step 1. Admit You Are Struggling to a Spouse, Friend, or Support Person
Decide together if your anger may benefit from seeing a professional. There is no shame in seeking therapy. More often than not, once a relationship is developed, people are happy to say how much they love therapy.
Step 2: Release Your Guilt for Struggling
Guilt will only cause you to remain stuck in negativity and inaction. No one wants to struggle with anger. Instead of feeling guilty, decide that you are ready to make a change and move forward.
Related: How to Show Love to Your Kids When Angry
Step 3. Make a List of Things That Are Causing You Stress
Once you’ve made a list of your stressors, you can identify what can be changed and what cannot. For example, you can improve your eating habits. However, having a husband who works night shifts may not be something that can be changed. Sometimes, it is enlightening to see how many stressors we have going on around us, and hopeful because there are easy changes you can make to help your mood. For example, even though you may love watching late-night TV, it may not be the best choice if you wake up cranky and tired every morning.
Step 4. Identify at Least Two New Self-Care Habits You Can Add to Your Life
Once you’ve identified these habits, schedule them in your daily life. If you know you love running, make time to do it. If you know warm baths allow you to relax, figure out the best way to fit this into your schedule. Often, there is time for self-care, but we don’t prioritize it, and that has to stop. Self-care has to be a priority when dealing with explosive emotions.
Step 5. Develop a Plan to Figure Out What Triggers Your Mom Rage
Often, the same patterns happening repeatedly cause our emotions to build and build. But if we do not have a plan to react differently, we often continue in the same patterns. So, write down at least three scenarios where you find yourself becoming triggered. Then, write down a way to respond more effectively and not ragefully. Often, just doing anything differently can break a bad pattern with children.
For example, if you get outraged when you see your house is messy, help your children develop a chore system or a proactive way to clean up their area. Often, small proactive changes in the home can make a massive difference in the home’s emotional climate.
Related: Postpartum Rage: What You See and Don’t See
Step 6: Lastly, Develop a Plan To Calm Yourself Down When Triggered
Even with all of these things in place, there will be times when you find yourself triggered by situations with your children. So, the most important thing you can do is develop a plan for calming down in a healthy way. Often, this means leaving the room and telling your kids that you will go calm down and reset for a moment.
You can discuss this openly beforehand and inform them when you plan to do it. It is because you do not want to yell and get mad. You can also come up with an activity they do during this time or a show they watch, so everyone has a plan in place. And slowly but surely, everyone will come to see the benefits of this plan. You can even name it, like “Mommy’s Time Out Time.”
Mom rage isn’t something to hide or feel ashamed of. It’s a sign that you need more care, rest, and support — not judgment. Reach out to a friend, your partner, or a therapist for support. You deserve help, healing, and peace.
