How to Let Go of Mom Guilt

How to Let Go of Mom Guilt | Baby Chick

How to Let Go of Mom Guilt

It used to seem as though there was nothing I could do to escape my feelings of anguish as a mom. No matter what the situation was, I felt guilty for doing anything that didn’t involve my child: whether it was going to work, spending time writing, cleaning the house, or even grabbing 30-minutes of “me time” here and there.

The guilt of being a modern mom seemed to weigh heavier than ever on me, and I let it bring me down more often than not. I said no to going to events and lunches with friends, turned my husband down more than once for date night, and skipped doing important things because I felt as though choosing to do those activities somehow made me a bad mom. I worried about everything, felt guilty for worrying too much, and then worried some more about whether or not I was doing enough worrying. I began to see motherhood as this scary venture that required I be present at all times rather than a fun adventure I was on with a new and developing little person.

It seemed as though this mom guilt would consume me and turn me (and my poor daughter) into a veritable hermit, never leaving the house, listening to “baby shark” and the Daniel Tiger theme song repeatedly, and eating whatever scraps were left over from my toddler’s meal.

How I Learned to Let Go of Mom Guilt

Understood My Duty to my Daughter

I was fortunate to have a friend willing to help me snap back to reality and step away from the guilt. My guilt seemed to peak when I was considering skipping a huge opportunity to travel for work, and my best friend saw it as an opportune time to intervene: “Imagine how your daughter will feel if she finds out you didn’t take every opportunity you could to better your career that you love,” she said as she laid it all out to me. She pointed out that in an age where women are doing more and being more while still being treated as less, it was my duty to my little girl to show her that work and life balance is possible, and that my dream of having a career did not have to conflict so directly with my dream of being a mama. I wanted to stamp my foot in protest and say something like feeding and caring for her at all times was my duty, but she read my mind and cut me off before I even started, saying that “pretty soon, she’s going to be watching and learning from you, and you can use this as a chance to show her that you should go after your dreams and goals.” Her reality check helped me create an action plan towards dropping my guilt and reclaiming my joy in motherhood and pursuit of what I enjoy outside of my daughter.

Checked (Emotional) Baggage

I knew my thoughts towards motherhood stemmed from my own difficult relationship with my mother growing up: she loved me, of course, but she wasn’t what you’d call “hands-on.” She was less Marge Simpson or June Cleaver and more like the mom from Matilda—never wanting to be bothered by silly children with silly thoughts or feelings. I decided to be the antithesis of her if I could, and my tightly-wound and helicopter style of parenting was born the minute my daughter was. I somehow convinced myself that the amount of time I spent with my daughter directly equated to my incredible love for her. Thankfully, though, the rational side of me acknowledged that there are moms worldwide seeing their children for moments at a time as they go to work and provide for those children whom they love so dearly: time spent doesn’t have to be measured in quantity, but quality. It sounds so simplistic, but it made me realize that I am an active and involved mother who likes to make our time together count: it assured me that she won’t forget that as she grows.

Remembered Me Before Mom(me)

I have never known how to be still—while this is both good and bad, I realized I was accidentally teaching my daughter how to be complacent in this bubble I’d created for us. We had the same routine and the same patterns, because the mom guilt that accompanied “messing up” her schedule was too intense for me to ignore. I stopped going to most anything I was invited to, didn’t answer the phone past a certain hour, and even ditched my grandparents in favor of not derailing my girl’s bedtime by 10 minutes. Though my guilt was pretty extreme in some of these circumstances, it also forced me to look at the fact that I was getting burnt out. I hadn’t done something for and by myself in so long that I had forgotten what it was that I even liked to do before becoming a mom—and so I resolved to do at least two things per month (starting out with baby steps, y’all!) that would be fun or relaxing that did not include my daughter. It’s been a month in so far, and I honestly already feel like a better mom because of it.

Mom as the First Friend, Not the Only Friend

When my bff made a point to me that my daughter and I shouldn’t be the only friends or social interaction the other has, I had sudden visions of my poor, socially awkward daughter trying to navigate school and work and reality: and struggling to do so because I had monopolized her time. She loves me, of course, (because who doesn’t love their main food supply?) but that doesn’t mean I am the only person she should love or spend time with: her grandparents, cousins, aunts and godparents can teach her things I would never be able to. Why would I want her to miss out on these important and fun opportunities because I was too scared or guilty or worried?

It’s Good to Let Go a Bit

Since I’ve been working towards dropping the mom guilt, I’ve become more cognizant of the fact that my guilt stemmed from fear of missing out on something with my girl in the ways I did with my own mother. I’ve realized I am a lot more fun when I’m half as stressed out, and that a future where my daughter only loves or trusts me is not the best one for her to have. Part of this process has meant letting go of the control of being her one-and-only all the time: and that’s not to say I’m not still that for her most of the time, but relenting a bit has given her a whole new world of engaging and fun relationships. She and my husband go places together now, just the two of them, to encourage me to get back to the things I enjoy doing on a casual basis. Above all else, I’ve learned that feelings of guilt and anxiety and nervousness are part of the mothering process—but they shouldn’t be the main part. Letting go of the mama guilt has given me more joy and clarity than I could have hoped for, and makes me no less of a good mom because I’m not wrought with guilt or constantly breathing down her neck.

About the Author /

Old mom to a chocolate lab and new mom to a baby girl, former teacher and current higher education professional.

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First of all, we think all moms are incredible. 💕 Today’s shoutout goes to the career moms. We know the struggles because we are you. May this weekend bring you all rest, peace, and joy. 🥰 Sending out all of the love and respect! 🙇‍♀️
(quote via @beyonce)
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If you are there now or about to enter this stage, it’s a yummy, delicious, snuggly stage. But for me, it has always been one of the harder ones, every time I go through it. So I see and feel you, mama! It’s physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting. Hold tight, though, because it doesn’t last forever.⁠
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So, while you are struggling to keep your eyes open, and your mental state together, here are a few things to try to savor while your baby is still a newborn. {Click 🔗 in bio to continue reading!⁠}⁠
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Daddy Chronicles: Breastfeeding 💙⁠ by @chroni Daddy Chronicles: Breastfeeding 💙⁠
by @chroniclesofdaddy⁠
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I've been asked so many questions by men about fatherhood. So I figured I'd drop some knowledge on my fellow Dads and soon-to-be-Dads. Here's what it looks like for the first few weeks or months after your child is born. Yup. If mom breastfeeds they pretty much are tucked like this and at times you'll wonder "what is there for me to do?" Here are my top 5 tips for any Dad after your child is born.⁠
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1️⃣ For night feedings. When mom wakes up in the middle of the night, you get up and ask if she needs any help or water. The truth is most of the time she will say no but just the fact that you offered will go far.⁠
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2️⃣ Ask mom if she can pump and then pick 1 feeding that you will always do. Mom will take on almost everything and will burn herself out if you let her. At times you may have to force her to rest without worrying about the baby. This is an easy way to do that without a fight.⁠
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3️⃣ Don't put a time limit on how long mom breastfeeds the baby. It's not just about feeding your child it's about them bonding as well. I know everyone has a different length of time they will breastfeed and as a Dad, it's hard to fully understand. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try and rush this process. It's not our place and it's not safe. You will open yourself up to a fight you can't win.⁠
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4️⃣ Be patient. I know as a Dad the first few weeks we are equally excited and yet not as important. Your time will come faster than you know. Babies grow fast and the stronger and bigger they get the more Daddy Time will be coming your way.⁠
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5️⃣ Paternity leave! If you have it TAKE IT. The early stages of a child's life are not just for moms to enjoy. I know as men making the money especially after having a baby it's hard, but trust me. You can always make money but there are no instant replays in life. It doesn't make you more of a man to not take the leave. It's equally as important that you as a Dad get to be a part of the early development of your child. ⁠
If someone needs this info tag them ❤️⁠
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Absolutely love these tips from @chroniclesofdaddy. 🙌
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📷 taken by: @allisonermon_photography
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1️⃣ Look for signs of readiness:⁠
- Diaper dry for at least 1-2 hours.⁠
- Pulling at their diaper when its wet or soiled.⁠
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Potty training is much quicker if your child is showing the above signs, but you can start before this.⁠
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2️⃣ What you will need to buy:⁠
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- Steps⁠
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3️⃣ Getting yourself and your child prepared:⁠
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- Sit your child on the potty at every diaper change, first thing in the morning and just before bed to get them used to sitting on the toilet.⁠
- Teach your child the correct vocabulary or signs needed to communicate when they need to go potty.⁠
- Make sure you have plenty of spare clothes.⁠
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4️⃣ Let's get toilet trained:⁠
- Get your child to choose a pair of underwear and put them on.⁠
- Talk to them about using the toilet and communicating when they need to pee or poo. You can sit them on the toilet at this point if you wish.⁠
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(Continue reading in the comments!)
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“You are my reason.⁠ ⁠ You are the reason I “You are my reason.⁠
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You are the reason I get up each morning.⁠
Even though my eyelids are as heavy as a five-ton truck.⁠
Even though all I want is to sleep in, a coffee and breakfast in bed.⁠
You are more important.⁠
You need me.⁠
For you, I would do anything.⁠
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You are the reason I am finally comfortable in my own skin.⁠
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For you, I will always love it.⁠
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You are the reason I now know the importance of patience.⁠
Even though I sometimes miss the fast-paced life.⁠
Even though I still get frustrated when I feel inefficient.⁠
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You are the reason I worry more than ever.⁠
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You are the reason I am now filled with gratitude.⁠
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You are the reason that my heart is full.⁠
Even though I am grateful for our life before you.⁠
You have shown me a love like no other.⁠
You are remarkable.⁠
For you, my heart explodes.⁠
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You are my reason." ❤️ Words by @hangingwiththeheaphys 💕⁠
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Here are some fun and unique pregnancy announcement ideas for you to share your incredible news. Whether you like to use humor, romance, or a sweet surprise, these ideas are some of the most picture-worthy around!⁠ ⁠{Click 🔗 in bio to see the pregnancy announcement ideas!⁠}⁠
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Pretty sure my mouth and nose are covered too. 😑😂⁠
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I am a big advocate for breastfeeding. There are s I am a big advocate for breastfeeding. There are so many AMAZING benefits for the mother and child. But you know what I am an even bigger advocate for? A mother's well-being -- her physical, emotional, and mental health!!⁠
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Sometimes we make plans and God laughs. Some of us plan to breastfeed our babies for 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years. Some of us meet our goals and some of us don't. (🙋‍♀️ My goal was to reach a year and made it 7 months.) Breastfeeding can be a lot more challenging than many of us expect. There can be complications along the way, the baby could have allergies, and sometimes breastfeeding or pumping can take an immense toll on a mother's mental health.⁠
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It is my firm belief that we must care for and support the new mother just as much as we care for and support the new child. 💕 While I feel there is so much value in breast milk, in my opinion, if it compromises the health of the mother, it is not worth it. As long as the baby is being fed, cared for, and loved, that is all that matters. And for the mother to grow and thrive in her new role as a parent to continue caring for her child, she needs to do what she feels is best for herself and her family. Sometimes that is not breastfeeding or pumping.⁠
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No matter your feeding experience or preference, you are a good mother. Whether your choice was made by you or made for you, you must do what is right for you and your baby. Your health (mentally, physically, emotionally) matters. ❤️
Being a Stay-At-Home Mom Was Harder For Me Than Be Being a Stay-At-Home Mom Was Harder For Me Than Being a Working Mom⁠ 😬⁠
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Being a full-time, stay-at-home mom of small children is a lot like being the CEO of a corporation. But without anyone working under you and without receiving payment for your efforts. Kinda crazy when you think of it like that, huh?⁠
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I smile as I write this, but that feeling was sometimes true for me. Of course, there are different ways to frame our choices as mothers. Such as looking at stay-at-home-motherhood through the lens of sheer fulfillment that comes from spending quality time with your kids and teaching them the ways of life. For me, what I eventually realized after my second child was born was that I needed to create a lifestyle that filled in the gaps where I felt something was missing. Specifically, I needed someone to help me manage my kids and my household. And I needed to be earning some money myself.⁠ {Click 🔗 in bio to continue reading this mom's story!⁠}⁠
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📷: @thegoddessher⁠
CC: @herholisticpath
Pretty much what summer is going to be like. 🤦‍♀️😑⁠
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Chick Picks: Best Baby Swings and Baby Bouncers⁠ Chick Picks: Best Baby Swings and Baby Bouncers⁠ 👶⁠
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In the womb, babies love when you move and walk around because it rocks them to sleep. 🤰💤 When they are born into a cold and bright world, all of that change is a shock to the system! 😱 This is why babies love being cuddled and rocked by you. Your warmth, your scent, and that motion calms them and makes them feel right at home. However, it's unrealistic to think that any parent can constantly rock and bounce their baby. Your arms, shoulders, and upper back will ache! 😫 This is why baby swings and baby bouncers are a thing and why many parents swear by them. 👍 But what are the best baby swings and baby bouncers on the market? 🤔 We are sharing our favorites -- also known as our Chick Picks! -- so that you can look at the best ones and determine which is the right one for your baby. 😍 {Click 🔗 in bio to continue reading!⁠}⁠
📷: @_aalina
Wishing that your day looked a little like this. 💙⁠ Someday soon we will all be united. 🙏
Dad giving a bottle to his baby, and a bottle to his baby, and a bottle to his baby. 🍼😂 We love dads!!⁠
📷: @nicolemacklephoto
Cheers to the good fathers. Today is your day. We Cheers to the good fathers. Today is your day. We don't thank you enough for everything you do every day for your family. You are appreciated more than you know by your partners and children. We hope today you feel that love and gratitude.⁠
Happy Father's Day! 💙