Why You Should Treat Your Kids With More Respect

I remember standing in a store with my toddler while she carefully chose a new winter jacket. Other shoppers looked confused, and I overheard comments questioning why I was letting such a young kid make the decision. But to me, it was never really about the jacket. It was about showing my daughter that her thoughts, opinions, and preferences mattered.

Treating children with respect does not mean expecting them to behave like adults or giving them responsibilities beyond their developmental abilities. Instead, it means recognizing their individuality, valuing their emotions and perspectives, and building relationships rooted in empathy, communication, and emotional safety. When children feel heard and respected, it can positively shape their confidence, emotional well-being, and relationships with others.¹

What Does Respectful Parenting Actually Mean?

First, let’s clear one thing up. I have never, and will never, advocate for giving a child responsibility beyond their age or developmental capacity. Yes, it’s important to give them a chance to push themselves or try something new (which increases resilience and confidence). However, setting the bar too high can negatively impact their self-esteem, confidence, and self-efficacy.¹ When I talk about treating your child with mutual respect, I mean treating them with the same level of respect you would have for other adults. I believe all parents should incorporate this level of mutual respect into how they treat their child or children. But sometimes this isn’t the case.

For example, I often see parents expecting their little ones not to get sad or distressed when things don’t go their way, or they shout at their kids for being disorganized. As grown-ups, we are human and accept these behaviors in ourselves, knowing we can’t be perfect. Yet somehow, we often expect more emotional control from our little ones.

Treating children with mutual respect means recognizing and valuing their individuality, including their opinions, preferences, thoughts, and perspectives. It’s about acknowledging and validating their experiences, needs, and feelings as equally worthy and valuable as your own. This approach also emphasizes mutual respect via open communication and collaboration (where possible and appropriate).

Related: What Parents Can Do to Help When Their Child is Distressed

Benefits of Treating Kids With Respect

There are many benefits to treating children with respect and valuing their individuality:

1. Respect

When you show respect to your child, you teach them to respect others. You’re also demonstrating that they’re worthy of (and can expect) respect when you value their thoughts, opinions, etc.²

2. Empathy

By validating your child’s feelings and considering their needs, you help foster empathy, compassion, and their ability to understand others. And by modeling this behavior, you also teach them how to treat others kindly.³

3. Better communication

When children feel respected and heard, you foster an environment that encourages open and honest communication.⁴ This can improve the quality of your parent-child bond, as they feel comfortable being open and sharing their worries, thoughts, and opinions with you.

4. Improved confidence

When you believe in your child, they learn to believe in themselves. Feeling heard and valued reminds them that they matter.¹

5. Increased independence

If you allow your child to make choices or be involved in decision-making, you give them initiative and teach them that they can make choices and solve problems on their own.⁵

Related: Want to Raise Compassionate Kids, Experts Say Avoid These Mistakes

How To Build a More Respectful Relationship With Your Child

Here are some key strategies that parents should employ to treat their child in a mutually respectful way:

Respect Their Need for Autonomy

This means allowing them to make age- and developmentally-appropriate decisions. Can they pick their clothes for the day? Can they pick a meal or snack for themselves? What about letting them choose a movie for the family to watch? Autonomy is also about allowing them to share their preferences and respecting or supporting those decisions/choices. Encourage autonomy, increased independence, confidence, and ownership or accountability for their actions.⁵

Name Their Feelings and Demonstrate Empathy

Naming your child’s emotions shows you’re attuned to and interested in them, demonstrating respect.³ When you know the feeling they’re experiencing, you can show empathy and understanding by acknowledging their emotion, normalizing it, and offering support if needed. Not only will they feel respected, but you’ll also help them learn to navigate and express their emotions in healthy, adaptive ways.

Related: How To Respond to Toddler Tantrums With Empathy

Set and Communicate Boundaries

Be open, transparent, and consistent with your boundaries and rules. This will help your child understand what you expect of them, which will help them feel safe and secure. But also allow them to have boundaries that you respect in return. For instance, they might want privacy, space, or bodily autonomy (like not having to give cuddles or goodnight kisses or wanting you to stop tickling), and honoring their wishes is important. They will learn to understand others’ boundaries and to set boundaries for others to adhere to, which helps keep them emotionally and physically safe.⁶

Use Active Listening

Sometimes, as parents, we can accidentally invalidate our children by failing to recognize the value or importance of what we consider “little things.” These little things grow and become more complex as kids get older, so we want to tune in to these issues now. That way, they share the big stuff as they get older. You can show your child you’re interested in what they have to say through active listening.⁷ Make eye contact, ensure your body posture is open and relaxed, turn toward your child, and ask questions or summarize what you’ve heard to show you’re listening. Active listening fosters open communication and trust and shows that you value their thoughts and perspectives.

Involve Them in Decisions

Allow your child to make age-appropriate choices within your family. Letting them contribute to family decisions helps them feel included and connected at home. It also gives them a sense of accountability and agency and provides opportunities to develop critical thinking skills.⁵

Related: How to Raise Your Child to Be a Critical Thinker

Kids should absolutely be allowed to be kids. Treating them with respect does not mean expecting adult behavior or responsibilities beyond their abilities. It means valuing their emotions, perspectives, boundaries, and individuality while helping them learn what healthy, emotionally safe relationships look like. These experiences can positively shape their emotional, cognitive, and social development for years to come.