Everyone will be thrilled to meet your new baby the moment they hear you’re in labor. And you may feel excited to share your little one, too. But when it comes to visitors at the hospital after birth, it’s worth pausing to think about what you and your baby truly need in those first hours.
While some close family or friends may be welcome, not every visitor is helpful in the immediate postpartum period. You’re only in the hospital for a short time, so it’s okay to set boundaries and ask others to wait until you’re home. Below are the key things to consider before saying yes to hospital visits.
As a childbirth educator, doula, and postpartum expert, I’ve seen firsthand how much boundaries and rest support a new mother’s recovery.
Related: How to Set Boundaries With Family When You Have a Baby
What to Think About Before Having Visitors at the Hospital
Your hospital stay is short, and your recovery needs are real. Here are the biggest factors to consider before opening the door to visitors.
You Deserve Rest After Giving Birth
Labor is quite a ride. It can be long and hard or short and hard, but however it happens, giving birth is hard work. Once your baby has arrived, it’s almost guaranteed that you will be hungry, tired, and worn out. Even after a C-section, you won’t feel 100% like yourself because of all the medication in your system. You just went through major surgery and gave birth to a baby!
Now think about it, when you’re exhausted and bleeding in different places, you probably aren’t in the best mood to “entertain” people. And not only that, imagine your vagina, rectum, everything down there, hurting. You’re bleeding, and you’re sore, you may have hemorrhoids . . . the list goes on. And your baby is brand new.
Again, you just had a baby! Take this time for you and your partner to bond with your new baby. It’s a huge moment, which brings me to my next point.
The First Hours Matter and You Should Protect Them
Speaking of it being a huge moment, remember that you will never get this time with your baby again. Your baby will never be this brand new or this little ever again. Take a moment to make this private and simply savor what just happened: you’ve become a mom. He became a dad. Give yourself a few hours or even a few days to soak in and appreciate these moments before everyone else sees you and your baby.
This is a miracle that has just happened. Even if you have many kids at home, don’t you want to cherish those first few hours with only you, your newest baby, and your partner? The noise, the opinions, the presents, and the love your family and friends will give you can wait.
Visitors Can Disrupt Those First Breastfeeding Moments
Remember that you’re trying to nurse for the first time. Even if this isn’t your first baby or your first time breastfeeding, this is your baby’s first time, so you need to take this time to get to know one another and figure breastfeeding out.
If you have guests drop in to visit, they may arrive when your baby is ready to eat. This is when you will need to ask yourself if you feel comfortable breastfeeding in public. Many women don’t want to whip out their boobs while they have guests in their room. Imagine your dad, coworker, or friend’s husband in the room, and your baby is hungry.
Many moms have told me, “I’ll breastfeed after they leave.” But this shouldn’t be so. Babies need to eat on their own schedule, not ours, especially at the beginning, if you want to establish a good breastfeeding relationship.
Postpartum Emotions Are Real, and You Deserve Space
You may have thought your pregnancy hormones were wild, but they don’t go away once your baby is here. You still have your fourth trimester, also known as the postpartum period. The crying and emotional moments? Yeah, you may prefer to let those moments happen in front of people you are close to and comfortable breaking down in front of.
Plus, who feels great when they’re wearing a maxi pad the size of a boat, trying to poop for the first time after birth, and dealing with chapped and/or cracked nipples and potentially huge and engorged breasts while trying to change a diaper for the first time and waddle around post-birth or C-section? Let me tell you, nobody!
Not everyone experiences major emotions and hormone swings post-birth, but many women (if not the majority) do. This is why it’s nice to feel achy and emotional without a bunch of people around.
Related: Postpartum Hormone Changes: What To Expect
You’re Exhausted, and This Isn’t the Time to Host Guests
No woman wants to entertain guests while she’s tired and sore. Again, you just had a baby! Take this time to sleep as much as you can. Your baby will wake up every few hours to eat and poop, so in these first days, it’s essential to rest and get to know your baby without many interruptions. Soak in those moments, though. As they say, the days are long, but the years are short. And try to get some sleep as you can.
Support at Home Matters More Than a Hospital Visit
I’ve noticed that many of my clients will say that often visitors come while they’re in the hospital and then do not come to see them once they’re home. That’s when moms need help the most, and that’s when they need to be surrounded by support. Baby blues and postpartum depression do not usually happen while you are in the hospital.
Again, you are only in the hospital for a few days. Yes, you are hormonal, but once you are at home, feeling lonely, tired, etc. This is when you want people to say hi and check in on you. This is why you should tell people to wait until you’re home for them to see you and your baby. They can wait a few days, right?!
No matter what you decide, I want you to consider who you want to visit and when you want them to visit before your baby arrives. This way, you can have an idea of what to expect and can control the chaos. And if you decide while you’re there at the hospital that you don’t want someone or anyone to stop by, don’t feel bad if you need to say, “Hey, I am having a tough time with nursing (or baby), and I’m not sleeping very well yet/I’m not feeling very well right now. Can you see me in a few days?”
You don’t owe anyone an apology for holding off on visiting. All you need to focus on is you and your family!
Things Visitors SHOULD Do While Mom Is in the Hospital:
If you do plan to allow visitors, here are thoughtful and genuinely helpful ways they can support you during your hospital stay.
1. Send her something while she’s at the hospital. Flowers are always nice, and food is great! Either snacks or a meal is a wonderful gift since hospital food can sometimes not be the greatest.
Related: Best Gifts To Bring to a New Family in the Hospital
2. Offer to help watch her other kids while she’s at the hospital. She and her husband will really appreciate having some alone time with their newborn, and the mom will love that her partners won’t have to leave her all the time to be with the kids.
3. Offer to help with their pets! Take their dogs for a walk or offer to feed their cats, fish, or other pets. This will reduce the number of trips Dad or partner has to make, allowing them to stay with their wife/partner and new baby.
4. Go to her house to help tidy things up. She will so appreciate coming home to a clean house. Just don’t rearrange things. She doesn’t want to dig and search for whatever she needs when she returns.
5. Stock her fridge with food and water, and consider making freezer meals! Make sure that the food is easy to heat up and prepare. Additionally, giving her a large water bottle or a supply of bottled water to stay nourished and hydrated is the perfect gift for when she returns home.
Related: 12 Postpartum Freezer Meals You’ll Love
6. Buy her other kids some small gifts for when she gets back home with the baby. These can include puzzles, coloring books, crafts, Legos, or any other activity that will keep them busy while she is with the baby and/or nursing.
Bringing a baby into the world is a life-changing moment, and you deserve the space to recover, bond, and find your rhythm as a new family. Whether you choose to welcome visitors right away or wait until you’re home, trust your instincts and set boundaries that feel good for you. The people who care about you will understand. Your well-being matters most.
Once mom is back home, visitors can do things that will really help. ❤️ Here are some more helpful resources:
