Intentional Parenting: 3 Tips for Finding (and Making) Time for Your Kids
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Jessica Tomes is a wife and mommy to three precious (but rambunctious) little girls. She has a degree in broadcast journalism from Texas Christian University, and a nerd-like love for political science. She is passionate about writing, marketing, social media management, and this wonderfully beautiful mess we call parenthood. She happily lives in beautiful Houston, Texas, and also sells real estate!
Sometimes it can feel as though life is moving forward at a break-neck speed. There’s no time to enjoy; to just be for a minute. Forget trying to do anything for yourself — like reading a book for fun, trying your hand at a new hobby, or even just working out and showering on a regular basis. With three littles at home (one being an infant), I know this feeling all too well. But I am hear to tell you, that it doesn’t have to be this way. There’s no unwritten rule of motherhood that dictates we must surrender, throw ourselves down on the floor, and allow the “too busy” train to steamroll us into the next decade . . .
If we are truly honest with ourselves, we can probably find small pockets of time, scattered throughout our days, that we could be using differently. And perhaps, if we could make up our minds to be more intentional about the time that we spend with our children, we could feel less guilty about taking advantage of these “stolen moments.” But how can we maximize our time? How can we be more intentional?
1. Plan and prepare, then prepare some more.
Preparation is the only way we will be able to use our time more efficiently. This has been an extremely hard lesson for me to learn, over many years. I am the world’s greatest procrastinator — in part, because I am also a perfectionist. (I am embarrassed to admit that sometimes I need the drama of an impending deadline to get me moving.) What I recommend? Keep a planner, if you don’t already, and consult it regularly. I have gotten to where I like to plan out my day the night before — I pack lunches, snacks, and lay out clothes every night after dinner. Backpacks, nap mats, and any other necessary items are ready and waiting by the front door. This helps to reduce some of the school morning struggle.
I also try not to have more than three major items on my To Do List each day — outside of meals, school drop-off and pick-up, dishes and laundry, regularly scheduled naps. You know, the non-negotiables. I make a tentative schedule for when these items are supposed to happen, that way I don’t become overwhelmed in the midst of the daily chaos. And my chances of actually accomplishing something increase exponentially.
Preparing a tentative schedule for the day, can help you better identify pockets of time for you (breathing moments I like to call them), or special, intentional moments for each of your kiddos.
It’s also important that you learn from your mistakes. Ever sat in the doctor’s office for over an hour with nothing to do? We have so been there. And I will admit, in my not-so-distant rookie parenting days, I would fail to pack snacks, drinks, books and other activities for the littles (and myself). Thankfully, I have since learned from this mistake.
Don’t keep trying to make something work when it won’t. That is the definition of insanity. Keep your staples (must-haves) accessible at all times. You never know where your day will take you, and it’s always better to expect the unexpected.
2. Multi-tasking can be your friend, but it can also be your foe.
Choose the right times and activities. Playing with your toddler? Probably not the right time to (also) reorganize your hall closet. Or if your kids are anything like mine, you will end up with blue ballpoint pen all over your beige suede furniture.
Be present; play intentionally. Give your child 20 to 30 minutes of undivided attention. Then, when she’s napping feel free to tackle that closet (or the giant pile of laundry). You will feel better about how you’ve spent your time, you will probably finish the task more quickly as you won’t have been distracted, and you will have filled your little cutie’s love tank.
The best way to multi-task efficiently? Combine something that takes no mental energy with something that requires (some) attention. Like cleaning up the dinner dishes while quizzing your elementary student on this week’s spelling words. Let me reiterate, this does not mean disappearing into your smart phone or answering emails at the dinner table. Which brings me to my next point…
3. Put down the dam* phone, and all the other electronic waste.
Technology is a double-edged sword. All of this STUFF that’s supposed to make our lives simpler and easier, has added its own clutter. In fact, for many of us, all of the STUFF has made us less effective. Take a long, hard look at yourself. Are you spending too much time consuming media or using a device? Better yet, ask your children what they think. Little kids don’t lie. At least not about this kind of stuff. (They may lie about eating their vegetables, but that’s a topic for another day.)
Every now and then, my preschooler will come into my home office and (forcefully) shut my laptop — that’s usually my clue that it’s time for a break. 😉 Other times, she has taken my smart phone out of my hands, and yelled “no more, mommy!” Yikes. That is NOT the kind of parent I want to be. She’s four — she’s bound to start remembering some of this stuff.
If you can relate, here are a few ideas that have worked for me.
- Try deleting (or taking a break) from the app or device that seems to be sucking the most time.
- Silencing or shutting down these devices for a set period of time (every day) can also help. I constantly have to remind myself — especially as a work-from-home mom — that boundaries are important, and it’s perfectly acceptable to take time for myself, my husband, and my girls. Otherwise I am going to end up wondering where my life, and all these precious busy years, went.
- Disappearing from social media isn’t really an option for me nowadays (it’s kind of my livelihood), but limiting the amount of time that I spend — deciding that I am only going to work and/or use social media during specific hours (refer to point number one regarding scheduling) has really made a world of difference. Of course there are always exceptions, I am only human. But being more intentional has definitely helped with some of the time-suck, and makes me a better parent.
Time is a gift. I don’t want to waste it, or fritter it away. Pinning 20 pictures of my dream bathroom is not more important than reading a story to my daughter. When we are more intentional with our time, and more thoughtful with our choices, we can create more space for passion and self-care.