Dear SAHM,
I see you. I see the exhaustion, the endless demands, and the way you keep showing up every single day. I see it because I am one of you.
Many of us chose this life. We stepped away from careers and routines to raise our families, and it truly is one of the most meaningful roles we will ever have. But even in something so important, it is still okay to feel the weight of it all.
It’s okay to miss who you were before motherhood.
Some might say, “You are so lucky to stay at home with your kids.” And we are. We are there for everything, the tantrums, the meltdowns, the bad moods, and everything else that comes with it. So while we are lucky to have this time with our children, it’s also okay not to love every moment with your children.
It’s okay if you’re not always in the mood to play. It’s okay if you feel touched out by the end of the day and retreat to your bedroom, locked behind a door, for a few minutes of quiet alone time. No? Just me? Please tell me I’m not alone . . .
Many of us had careers and a whole different life before becoming stay-at-home moms (SAHM). It’s okay to miss the woman you were before becoming a mother. And it’s okay to miss your career and the sense of appreciation and accomplishment that came with that career. I sincerely hope you feel valued and recognized by your spouse, partner, or family. But I also understand that it’s not quite the same as the sense of accomplishment we used to feel when we succeeded in that big project or challenging assignment in our careers.
Our little ones certainly aren’t going to tell us how invaluable we were to them (at least not until they have kids of their own and truly understand what we went through, and on that note, thanks, mom!). We don’t get raises, bonuses, or that “employee of the month” award for all our hard work. And sometimes, that can have us feeling . . . well, a little empty.
Related: Quick Self-Care Tips for Busy Moms
Other stay at home moms feel this too.
Historically, stay-at-home moms have been expected to oversee the household, care for the kids, satisfy everyone’s needs, manage the chaos, put themselves on the back burner, and take it all in stride. But there is a new, more modern take on motherhood that has the current generation speaking out about our experiences and sharing more than ever before. And in sharing our struggles, we find out that we are truly not alone. Even in the most challenging moments, or when you feel isolated and like you’re the only one dealing with your specific breed of chaos, other moms are walking the path alongside you.
This is motherhood. It’s messy, imperfect, and exhausting. But somehow, we survive to see another day . . . as chaotic as it will likely be. So, mama, if this sounds familiar to you, just know you are not alone.
Find ways to invest in yourself again.
I encourage you to find ways to invest in yourself again. We pour so much into everyone else’s cups that ours tends to sit empty. Keep in touch with your former self and revisit her. Maintain some of your hobbies and interests and take time to fulfill them from time to time.
For some moms, it might look like a certain fitness routine. For others, having a creative outlet might scratch that itch. For me, I missed feeling like I was making a difference in others’ lives. Before becoming a mother, I was a pediatric occupational therapist, and I worked with kids with special needs. I worked closely with kids, their families, and their teachers, and felt like the work I was doing was helping each child succeed in their daily routine. After putting my career on hold, I missed that feeling. I felt like a less whole version of myself.
Raising my children is certainly fulfilling, and I know I’m making an immeasurable difference in their lives, but still, something was missing. By sharing my take on motherhood and connecting with so many moms, I have regained that aspect of my life. I feel that sense of accomplishment every time I hear from a fellow mom that I helped them in some way.
Related: The Secret to Enjoying Motherhood and Not Just Surviving It
Don’t be afraid to speak up.
Recently, I received the following message from a mom:
“People like you who speak up about the struggles of motherhood really helped me out of my postpartum depression this past year. We need more people like you out there, reminding other struggling moms we aren’t alone . . . don’t ever stop.”
These moments fill me with the same sense of appreciation and accomplishment I used to get in my career as an OT. No matter how small, something I said or did made a big difference for someone else. And it was something I did outside of our family. Something visible to others. I feel like I regain a part of the old me in those moments. A piece that had been missing for a few years.
Do not feel guilty for needing more.
So if you’re reading this and you feel a sense of longing for the old version of yourself, your old life, you are not alone. This new chapter is a great one, and perhaps the most important. But the chapters that came before it are important too. And they’re a vital part of your story. Find ways to tap back into those chapters. Whether you take up an old hobby or satisfy a previously fulfilled aspect of your former life, it might make you feel more like you. And it’s important for us to feel like we’re giving something to ourselves in the process of giving so much to so many others.
Don’t feel guilty about not being happy 100% of the time in your new life as a SAHM. It’s a hard job, unlike any other job in the world. But you have to make a concerted effort to invest in your happiness and fulfillment from time to time because the truth is, you deserve it. You are doing a great job, mama, and we all believe in you.
Sincerely,
A fellow SAHM
