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Chaos Coordinator: How to Stay Calm in the Midst of Chaos

Calm african single mom doing yoga exercises sit on sofa reducing stress with active noisy kids playing at home, mindful black parent mother meditating relaxing with children running in living room

by Quinn Kelly

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

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The title “chaos coordinator” is not just a phrase people put on shirts. Instead it’s a job promotion that comes from having little humans tearing through our house. Kids that still think jumping from couch to couch is an acceptable form of exercise while stripped down to undies with kitchen tools in their hands. And it’s enough to send even the most even-keeled mama to a state of madness sometimes. As moms, we know the craziness is a part of our life. What many of us don’t know is how to stay calm in the middle of the chaos. Is it even possible? I think it is. Not in every single moment, but certainly as a whole. And it’s all… Read More

The title “chaos coordinator” is not just a phrase people put on shirts. Instead it’s a job promotion that comes from having little humans tearing through our house. Kids that still think jumping from couch to couch is an acceptable form of exercise while stripped down to undies with kitchen tools in their hands. And it’s enough to send even the most even-keeled mama to a state of madness sometimes. As moms, we know the craziness is a part of our life. What many of us don’t know is how to stay calm in the middle of the chaos. Is it even possible?

I think it is. Not in every single moment, but certainly as a whole. And it’s all about training ourselves to reset ourselves in small ways. Here’s my favorite ways to find my calm in chaos.

Keep a low voice in the midst of the crazy.

When we are stressed, we want to yell. But that only make us get more tense. A low and calm voice in the midst of chaos keeps us calm and forces our kids to quiet to hear us. I love to say, “I can’t hear you when you’re yelling. You have to lower your volume.” Your calm voice will cause them to match yours. It’s an easy way to calm yourself and the kids all at once. And if you’re really desperate, offer a reward for the winner of the quiet game.

Create a quiet reset ritual.

Sometimes we need light and quiet for five minutes. If you are needing calm, give yourself a mental break while the kids are playing. Sit on your front porch and give yourself five minutes to drink your water or sip your coffee and stay off your phone! Let your mind wander and roam and reset without filling it with more things to think about. Often we stress because we continue to add more chaos that isn’t necessary.

Send the kids outside.

If you can tell you are losing it, create a way for the kids to exert energy in a productive way. Take them on a walk or ban them to the backyard. Set up a game of hopscotch inside. Often children will calm down after exerting energy but instead of letting them exert the energy, we try and just make them stop. One of my favorite tips is to create a space for them to be crazy. Then after that’s done, set up a downtime for them. This allows them to enjoy resting and gives you a chance to reset too.

Exercise.

Our minds need to have a release for our adult tension to stay calm in kid tension. If you are not creating a time to exercise your body and are feeling stressed with kids, now is the time! It not only allows you to burn off agitation and stress but also gets your endorphins and energy up too. A stressed mom will do better in the chaos when she’s moving too. I kid you not, if you need to hire a sitter to go on a long walk, it might be worth your money on a particularly chaotic day.

Say no.

Do not say yes to things that make your life harder out of guilt. Moms have trouble managing chaos when they allow for more chaos to come their way. If having friends come and play creates unneeded stress, then tell the neighbor kids you’re having a no-play day. It’s okay to say no to things that don’t work well for you. Sometimes we say yes because we think we need to be busy but we forget we don’t need to be busy all of the time. So here is your permission to say no.

Breathe.

I won’t lie. I get annoyed when people say “Just breathe.” It can be hard to remember to breathe deeply and stay calm in the midst of chaos. But there’s science behind it. If you are feeling edgy, take a few minutes to practice slow breathing. It’s free. It’s quick. And it’s effective. It lowers your heart rate and blood pressure and is overall just good for your body! If you’re a momma in chaos, deep breathing is your friend.

Remember who you are dealing with.

If your children can’t button their pants, they probably can’t control their energy all day. They can’t stop themselves from crying over the wrong color of sippy cup or running to see the trash truck out the window. This is normal behavior for young kids! Try to remind yourself that your crazy kiddo is acting normally and that he may not be able to control his actions. Try to give him (and yourself) a lot of grace. In all likelihood, he will grow out of constant frenetic behavior before you know it.

Play your favorite music.

Music can alter our mood. And our children’s mood. So use it. Because there is also science behind this too! When you listen to music you love, dopamine is released. This is one of my favorite tricks for chaos calming. I will turn on music that I love to boost myself. OR turn on my children’s favorite music from the latest Disney movie. It seems to always turn a frown upside down and keep chaos at bay.

Staying calm in the midst of kid chaos is not an easy feat. But as moms, we are the first and most important role model for our young kids. The way we manage our stress will often become the way our kids manage their own. Implementing these calming techniques early and often will not only help you stay calm, it may also help your child find his or her own calm. Good luck, fellow chaos coordinators!