13 Things I’ve Learned in 13 Years of Marriage

13 Things That I've Learned in 13 Years of Marriage | Baby Chick

13 Things I’ve Learned in 13 Years of Marriage

Am I really old enough to have been married 13 years? That is the mind-boggling question I am asking myself right now. My mind says no, but my calendar and growing wrinkles say YES. (Young moms, wear your sunscreen. The old ladies aren’t lying!) But just like time passing causes wrinkles, it also causes wisdom to grow, too. And here’s some of the best wisdom I’ve learned from 13 years of marriage to my sweet husband.

13 Things That I've Learned in 13 Years of Marriage | Baby Chick

1. There’s no such thing as mind reading. Communicate!

Most of us would not pay a psychic money to read our minds because we do not believe it’s possible, but strangely, many couples expect their spouse to be able to read their minds. Then they get angry when they seem to fail at it! “Why doesn’t he know I’m feeling frustrated about his pants on the floor?” But they have never actually asked their spouse for what they need. Instead of getting bitter, get better! And communicate. Be proactive and tell your spouse what you need to feel supported and loved.

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2. Children will bring out the best and worst in you and your spouse. And that’s normal!

Having a tiny being you created with the person you love most in the world is beautiful! And makes you love your spouse even more! But once you’re up for the first week post delivery without any sleep it can make you think they are your worst enemy. “Why would you give me a little baby that is killing me slowly from sleep deprivation!” That is until you get your first night of good rest. And then you are back to thinking they are the second most precious thing to stare at now that you have your baby.

3. You will be wrong. Don’t forget it.

I know that as women we are right most of the time. Well, at least that’s what we think in our brains. But the fact is, we are wrong sometimes. And we have to acknowledge the times when we have acted out of emotion. And stop pointing the finger of blame and turn the mirror back at ourselves! Marriage is happier when we recognize our role in conflict.

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4. He will be wrong. Show humility.

And just as you will be wrong at times, so will your husband! And when he is, a loving wife does not choose to use that moment to go in for the kill. Instead, she shows grace and humility. And accepts an apology. Life (especially with children) is far too short to waste on fighting. Use words and logic to communicate. Then move on! And enjoy your time together.

5. Life is too short to not apologize.

If you are considering whether an apology is due, it is. If you are considering whether an apology is worth your time, it is! The end.

13 Things That I've Learned in 13 Years of Marriage | Baby Chick

6. You will likely be tired. A lot.

Once you have children, it’s kind of a given that you are no longer in control of your own schedule. Their needs—especially with sleep—often dictate who is up when. So give your spouse grace. Half of parenting is feeling tired (okay, exhausted, if your kids are under 5), but having to push through anyway. It’s a sleepless journey you get to do with someone you love, so kick back, drink coffee and yawn together. Then show grace.

7. Share roles.

Dividing up household roles sounds good in theory. But once busy schedules and children are added in, drawing straight lines is never a great idea. If one person is always supposed to take the trash out and one person is always supposed to cook dinner, what happens when the cook gets sick and when the one who takes out the trash leaves on a business trip? Marriage is not about each spouse giving 50%, but instead about each spouse giving 100%. So live your marriage in a way where you view yourself as teammates. You each do what needs to be done that day!

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8. Carve out time for each other.

Parenting should never replace your relationship with one another. You will be better parents when your marriage is strong. So carve out time for dates and reserve babysitters before you’re feeling desperate. Dates give you time to kick back, communicate and connect without the stress of managing littles. How can you stay in love when you don’t have a chance to show your love? Never forget to date!

9. Take time for intimacy!

It’s easy to let sexual intimacy take a back burner once kids come into the equation. But intimacy in marriage is one way to stay connected when everything else is fighting to pull you in two directions. It’s logical that there is less time for intimacy when babies come along, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy to let it fall to the wayside. So prioritize time to stay close, shut the door and reconnect! (It will reap rewards—and sometimes more kids, too. So watch out for that!)

13 Things That I've Learned in 13 Years of Marriage | Baby Chick

10. When you want to yell, take a timeout!

Generally, yelling accomplishes nothing productive, especially in a marriage. It’s typically the time when one says things they regret and behaves in ways that cause them shame. So when you feel yourself getting heated and wanting to lose it, step away! And then return once you are cooled down!! An easy tip for a tense topic is to lay down and talk. It’s hard for the brain to stay mad when the body is reclined.

11. Raising tiny humans causes stress. Acknowledge it!

I once told a friend that having four kids has caused my husband and I to work harder to not disagree. She looked at me appalled and said, “I thought that marriage is supposed to get easier with time.” I understand her thinking, but if you look at things that cause stress, raising several young kids does! It’s okay to feel like marriage is slightly more challenging than it was before kids. This phase will pass and they will grow! But for now, know that you aren’t crazy if it seems BUSY! It is. That’s not a reason for guilt. It’s a reason to pursue time for connection and communication.

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13 Things That I've Learned in 13 Years of Marriage | Baby Chick

12. You will grow. Do it together.

As you grow in age, so will your interests, likes, and passions. Growth can pull you apart or growth can pull you together. Take time to do things with your spouse. Even if their dreams are not your dreams, take time to listen and support. 

13. Time yourself when cleaning!

This last one is funny, but true! Marriage with kids is messy. And if it doesn’t involve cleaning, chaos can quickly ensure. To avoid being overwhelmed, set a timer and clean together as a fam. For a little more fun, turn on your favorite tune too!

About the Author /

Quinn is a wife, boy mom (x’s 4), blogger at Sanctification and Spitup, host of the Renew You Podcast and licensed marriage and family therapist. She loves to encourage others in relationships through her speaking, writing or podcast episodes.

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Instagram post 18074272528164523 @debiandbebi wrote these words when she was a new mom and struggled with #postpartumdepression. She hopes to remind everyone that it is okay to struggle with being a new mom and that does not mean you don't love your baby. ❤️⁠
(quote by @debiandbebi)⁠
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#postpartum #mentalhealth #ppd #motherhood #selfcare #kindnessmatters #postpartumprogress #postpartumlife #newmom #newmotherhood #mommychick #babychick #depression #mentalhealthmatters
Instagram post 17863413055589017 When they wake up in the morning and give you that big grin . . . 😍 There is nothing sweeter.⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #goodmorning #happybaby #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #mommychick #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17848203934772065 Her comes Amazon, here comes Amazon, right down my driveway! 🎶📦🤣⁠
📷: @cmon.mama⁠
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Instagram post 17862171103601373 All of these things make me happy. What would you add to your self care toolbox?⁠
I'm seriously needing some of these things tonight to start a new week. Hoping you mamas get some self care time too! 💕⁠
📷: @hallmark⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #selfcare #selfcaretoolbox #mumlife #mommylife #metime #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17974795027288980 Was he dreaming he was riding a bike last night escaping from wild animals?! OUCH! 🤕🚲⁠
📷: @themommyconfessions⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 18081610903134401 Praying that your toddler let's you get to sleep this weekend. 🙏💤⁠
📷: unknown⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick
Instagram post 17866776847554303 Above all else, let us teach them to be kind. 💗⁠
(quote: @mommywinetime)⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #mommychick #carpool #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17853200368708392 SURPRISE! A little shocked, a little tired, and a LOT BLESSED. Congrats, @sarah_lit! ❤️⁠
📷: @sarah_lit⁠
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#babyannouncement #pregnancyannouncement #pregnancy #pregnant #momtobe #pregnancylife #mamatobe #babybump #pregnancyjourney #bumpie #preggo #maternity #motherhood #momlife #expecting #mumlife #mommytobe #pregnantlife #babyontheway #inspirepregnancy #mommychick #babychick #babyonboard #mumtobe
Instagram post 17864808397574241 Pregnant and hungry all the time? Here are some great ideas to keep in the fridge when the hunger pains kick in! 🤰👍⁠
📷: @juna.moms⁠
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#pregnancy #pregnant #pregnancytip #momtobe #pregnancylife #healthypregnancy #mamatobe #fitpregnancy #babybump #pregnancyjourney #bumpie #preggo #pregnancybasics #pregnancyhelp #maternity #motherhood #momlife #expecting #mumlife #mommytobe #pregnantlife #babyontheway #inspirepregnancy #mommychick #babychick
Instagram post 18073051357163780 When it comes to clamping the cord, our mottos is "what's the rush?" The blood volume in the placenta and cord at the time of birth is BABY'S blood. It's simply mid-circulation in the placenta at the time of birth. It just makes sense to leave it be and let it finish its job.⁠
No, the blood won't drain out of baby and go backwards into the placenta.⁠
No, your baby is not more likely to get sick from jaundice.⁠
Yes, your baby will still be getting oxygen while they figure out breathing, especially important if they need resuscitation.⁠
Yes, your baby will have better iron levels for the first year of their life.⁠
Look at how thick and engorged this cord still is at 4 and 18 minutes after baby was born. Just imagine how much blood baby would have lost if the cord had been clamped immediately, or at 60 seconds, 90 seconds, or 3 minutes! The placenta was expelled immediately before the 18 minute photo was taken. The pulse in the cord could still be felt even AFTER THE PLACENTA HAD BEEN DELIVERED! The cord was finally clamped and cut more than an hour after birth at 73 minutes. ❤️⁠
📷: @lawrenrosephotography⁠
Informative post and words by @bundleborn⁠
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#placenta #lotusbirth #homebirth #midwife #midwifery #phsiologicThirdStage #delayedcordclamping #optimalcordclamping #waitforwhite #whatstherush #postpartum #birth #laboranddelivery #babychick #mommychick
Instagram post 17866964371538725 Stacks on stacks . . . of diapers. 😂 Can you relate?⁠
📷: @krayons.n.tequila⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #momhumor #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17852665306696124 With the holiday season upon us and moms trying to make everything magical for their families, remember to stop and take a moment to take care of you. ❤️ Have a hot cup of coffee, a long warm shower and some alone time. Communicate this with your partner not as a wish but as a necessity. We must take the time to take care of ourselves to better take care of them. 💕⁠
📷: @hallmark⁠
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Instagram post 18095239591099259 After holiday feasting . . . this baby gets me.⁠ 🤣
📷: unknown (DM for credit)
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Instagram post 17844162355818683 I think I had a little too much turkey . . . and pie. 😬🍗🥧 #leggingsforlife⁠
📷: @hallmarkbaby⁠
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Instagram post 17990835490280335 I totally felt this way when I was pregnant. And kinda feel this way after all that turkey. 🤣🦃 Happy turkey day to all you expecting mamas!!⁠
📷: @madiford2 via Twitter⁠
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#pregnancy #pregnant #funnypregnancy #momtobe #pregnancylife #thanksgiving #mamatobe #turkeymama #babybump #pregnancyjourney #bumpie #thirdtrimester #preggo #pregnancyhelp #maternity #motherhood #momlife #expecting #mumlife #mommytobe #pregnantlife #babyontheway #inspirepregnancy #mommychick #babychick
Instagram post 18094211479105476 I spy with my little eye the cutest turkey ever. 😍 Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Hope it's filled with love, laughter, and cuteness like this. ❤️⁠
📷: @emilyshapaka⁠
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#thanksgiving #happythanksgiving #family #grateful #thankful #babychick⁣ #mommychick #blessed #gratitude #happy #thankyou #happiness #givethanks #turkey #holiday #love #turkeyday #holidays #baby #babyturkey
Instagram post 17852562805720320 Loneliness is a real thing in new motherhood and I want to be sure we talk about this. It's okay to say, "I feel lonely." We normalize one another's experiences when we share the reality of our journey. It can be so isolating when we bring our small human home and our lives revolve around his/her care. We feel detached from the outside world. The monotony of new motherhood can be heavy.⁠
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Here are some tips to combat isolation:⁠
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1️⃣ Get outside when possible.⁠
2️⃣ Video chat with friends/family.⁠
3️⃣ Join a virtual group.⁠
4️⃣ Invite someone to come over.⁠
5️⃣ Find a local mom's group.⁠
6️⃣ Listen to the radio or a podcast (it's interesting how this can make us feel connected with others)⁠
7️⃣ Run an errand--even grabbing a coffee via drive-thru can feel good.⁠
8️⃣ Get to know your neighbors.⁠
What would you add to the list?⁠
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Repost: words and 📷 by @psychedmommy⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #momstruggles #momprobs #mumlife #mommylife #parenthood #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #newmom #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣ #mommychick
Instagram post 17862516742586656 Pass the rolls. Baby rolls, bread rolls, all the rolls.⁠ 😍🍞👶 #thanksgivingjokes 😜⁠
📷: @divasunrisekiss⁠
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Instagram post 17867282176536875 ⁠For the week of Thanksgiving (and longer if you can!) let's focus on what we DO have instead of what we lack. The more we express gratitude and appreciate our blessings the more we recognize all of our blessings and everything we should be thankful for. 💕⁠
📷: @hallmark⁠
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#motherhoodthroughinstagram #momlife #motherhood #gratitude #thankful #mumlife #mommylife #mommychick #motherhoodunplugged #realmoms #momstatus #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #thanksgiving #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣ #babychick⁣
Instagram post 17855722339639264 ✈️ Tips to Survive a Plane Ride with Kids ✈️⁠
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Flying on a plane with your little one for the first time can be terrifying. Are they going to cry the whole time? How will they handle the airport, the turbulence and the landing? Well we have some tips that will help prepare you for your flight with your kids. Here's what to do to have a more enjoyable experience 😊 {Link in bio!}⁠
📷: unknown⁠
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#flyingwithkids #travelwithkids #familytravel #travelingwithkids #kidsonplanes #travelpic #airplane #familyholiday #parenting #parenthood #firstflight #babytravels #motherhood #momlife #mumlife #mommychick #babychick #thatmomlife #realmomlife #momsofinstagram #motherhoodrising #ig_motherhood #uniteinmotherhood⁣
Instagram post 17895768721417819 Who you gonna call?⁠ 🤣🤣🤣
📷: Martiza Elizabeth on FB
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