One word. PASSION. A word we all love. Do you have it in your relationship? I hope the answer is yes. I know if you’re in your first year of dating or marriage, I can guess you aren’t having trouble stirring up feelings of passion toward your partner. But what if you’ve just had your first baby? Or third? And you are sleep-deprived. And unshowered? Or what if you have children sleeping in your bed? Can you still have passion? I believe you can.
Do you remember the first time you kissed your spouse or partner? Can you think back to the passion you felt at that moment? Was it palpable? Were you physically hot? Did you feel tingly all over? Did you hear fireworks? Or did you feel like you should be the final scene in a romantic movie? Well, that memory. That faint feeling. That’s what I want to help you gather up again because your marriage needs passion now just as much as it needed it when you met. In fact, the healthier your relationship, the happier your children are. Kids feel secure when their parents are in love. And believe it or not, it can be found and reintroduced with a little intentional effort and creativity. Believe me. Here are my four favorite ways to ignite passion in your relationship.
1. Retell your love story to one another and, if possible, revisit the places within it. (Possibly in front of your children.)
Go on a date focused on nothing more than reliving your love story. Have one partner start with the first memory of meeting each other. Tell them where you first remember talking or flirting. What was your partner wearing? How did they smell?
Take time to focus on memories within your story and be as specific as possible. Relive sweet conversations and romantic dates. If possible, go to the place you had your first date. And describe certain points in time that changed your heart toward theirs. Was there something special that happened? A time you thought it might not happen. Tell them what made them stand out to you over others. Your partner will love remembering why you fell for them.
Why is this helpful? Well, there is no better way to find passion than to revisit the original passion that started the whole thing. Sometimes emotions get buried deep. Using your love story is an easy way to dig out the emotions from the past.
2. Listen to your favorite love songs together or watch a movie.
Okay. Have no shame. Is “I’ll Make Love to You” By Boyz to Men your favorite love song? Oh, it isn’t? That’s right. I forgot. You’re more of a Celine Dion fan. Listening to the “Power of Love” gets you every time. Right after you finish “Love Story” by Taylor Swift.
Well, whatever it is. Take a night at home or a long car ride, or a nice dinner at home to listen to some of your favorite love songs with your spouse. And be very intentional about finding songs that really rouse emotion in you. Especially ones that hold a joint memory together. (Hey, that’s not the type of joint I meant.)
Do you have a song that is YOUR song? A song that defines the first part of your relationship? Or reminds you of when you first got together? Married? Or something else significant? If you want to ignite some passion, do yourself a favor and listen to it. Music can be powerful in stirring up emotion and saying things in ways that arouse passion within us. And strangely, a sad breakup song might make you appreciate your spouse in front of you.
I don’t know about you, but right now, Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking out Loud” stirs up every possible emotion of love I could feel for my husband. I could listen to that song all day. When I hear, “Cause, honey, your soul could never grow old, it’s evergreen.” I’m just overcome with love. Who wouldn’t be? So find a song that resonates with you. And you will find some passion.
3. Watch your partner do something they are good at or ask them to talk about why they have so much passion for it.
One way to ignite passion is to remember things that make your partner special to you. Sometimes we forget things that initially stood out to us about our partner. Are they good at their job? Good at golf? A dynamic cook? Mother? Artist? Reader? Singer? Guitarist? I guarantee they are good at something. And you probably overlook it at times. So I want you to intentionally take time to be in their presence while they’re doing something they are good at.
And here’s the even bigger and better part. Have them begin to describe why they like the guitar so much. Have them explain to you how it works. For many people, watching someone talk about something they are passionate about ignites passion in us. And typically, when they are someone you have romantic feelings towards, that passion in us turns into romantic passion.
4. Write a love letter to each other and read it out loud together.
When’s the last time you took time to write out things you love about your partner? When’s the last time you got all Shakespearean and broke out your thees and thous and metaphors of their skin to milk? Oh, never? Well, there’s no time like the present. If you’ve never done it. Take some time to write out a love letter to your spouse. Then read them to one another. You can giggle. You can laugh. But after you’re through with that. Be sincere. Words can speak to the heart, whether poetic or not…if they’re sincere.
Sure, you may be trying to say, “When I stand in your presence, the love you exude feels like a thousand rays of sunlight of warmth and love….” But you end up saying, “I love you because you make me happy.” That’s beautiful because you mean it.
Oh, and with this one. There is one more important thing you must do before getting started . . .
Take off your clothes. Yes. This one is meant for naked time. Why do you ask? Well. I can’t say. I just know my clients always felt it did a great job igniting passion. 😉