Love Is in the Little Moments of Parenthood

Being a parent is one of the most joyful and challenging roles we will ever have. It can feel exhausting, overwhelming, and even thankless at times. Yet it is also one of the most meaningful and rewarding experiences.

Before becoming parents, many couples imagine the family they want to build. But with that dream comes change, and a lot of it. Even when that change is beautiful and life-giving, it can still put pressure on a relationship.

Date nights become harder, time is stretched thin, and spontaneity often disappears. That is why learning to notice and appreciate the small moments of connection can make such a difference in keeping your relationship strong.

Why the Little Moments Matter in Parenthood

The small, everyday moments in a relationship can have a powerful impact, especially during the busy season of parenting.

In a 2015 article, multiple psychology professors discussed the importance of celebrating the little moments with our partners.¹ It can help build that relationship and model healthy relationships in our families. They called it ‘relational savoring.’ It’s the idea that savoring little interpersonal relationship moments will help establish positive emotions and memories with our partner.

It seems as though, before parenthood, we as couples used to celebrate everyday things and have big moments of joy with each other. The celebrations were daily, whether it was a lunch date, a sweet text message, or a mini weekend getaway. Once we become parents, those celebrations tend to become more of life milestones and not daily joys. There is this hyper-focus on birthday parties, holidays, and child milestones. We tend to forget the everyday joys, the daily celebrations, or even how to let the other parent know we love them.

The assumption is that it is unspoken. Of course, we love them, and they know that. Dr. Daniela Montalto, psychologist and clinical assistant professor at the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU Langone Health in New York City, speaks to how small moments of love serve a practical purpose. “They re-energize us throughout the day, if we pause and let them, they help us continue with this mission of raising happy, healthy kids.”

Related: 5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong After Baby

How Can We Find Love in the Little Moments?

So how can we find and appreciate these small moments in everyday parenting life? Here are three things to keep in mind and actively try to do daily so that those little love moments do not pass you by!

Notice the Small Moments

The first step is simply slowing down enough to recognize what is already happening around you.

It sounds simple to notice that something exists or happened, right? But, in our crazy world of parenting, so much happens that we skip right over it. Take a beat and notice it.

For example, tonight, at dinner, while cooking for the family, there were so many other things going on around me. I was monitoring the baby, who was going through the pots and pans, answering what felt like 110 questions from my toddler about what we were having for dinner, setting the table, helping feed the baby, and debriefing my husband on our day. After cleaning spilled milk for the tenth time, we rushed out the door for baseball practice. I was exhausted, ready for bedtime, and felt like I had done it all.

However, if I had taken a beat and just sat in silence, I would have noticed the hug and kiss I got when my husband walked in the door from his long day at work or that he filled my cup of water fresh for dinner or how he encouraged my toddler to eat his broccoli by eating his (even though he dislikes it himself). I would have seen how he listened intently to my day’s debriefing and offered to help with the different tasks.

Sometimes, noticing it after the fact may not feel valuable. But it will help you notice the next time and feel the love in that little moment of the dinner rush.

Related: How to Strengthen Your Relationship Through Parenting

Appreciate the Little Moments

Parenting changes the way we experience connection in a relationship. Those little moments are the big moments now, so celebrate them and enjoy them. Make a mental note, pause, and let it in. But also do not forget to remark on it.

Saying something out loud to acknowledge that you recognize it to your partner will help build your relationship and bring self-awareness to something they may not even have realized they do. It will also show your children your appreciation and the love you both share for each other.

Capture the Small Moments

Holding onto these moments can help you revisit and appreciate them long after they pass.

We capture and save all the small moments in our lives before parenthood. As parents, we do the same for our children. Let’s try to capture those small love moments with our partner. Saving and revisiting these moments helps us feel loved again and again. Some ways you can do this in everyday moments are:

Keep a Journal

Research shows that a gratitude journal is associated with a more positive outlook, higher levels of happiness, and even better health.² Writing down the small moments you share each day is a simple way to practice this—even if it’s just one sentence a day. You can do this individually or as a couple to make you genuinely notice, appreciate, and save the little moments of love.

Related: 7 Tips to Help Parents Keep Their Relationship Strong Despite Having Less Alone Time

Write a Note

A classic way of telling someone you love them is by writing a love letter. These days, a love text may be all you need. There is something special about seeing those words written down, whether on paper or a screen.

Create a Date Night

Choose a weekly time that works for both of you and protect it as best you can in our busy parenting lives. Date nights do not need to be a fancy night out on the town. Maybe it’s just a meal with the two of you, an at-home date night on the porch, or a movie night! No matter what you do, it can be a night to celebrate you as parents. A night to enjoy those small moments together.

Love often lives in the smallest moments, especially in the busy season of parenting. The challenge is taking the time to notice, appreciate, and share them.

The bond you share with your partner is a foundation for your family. When you nurture that connection, you strengthen everything around it.

When you begin to notice the little moments, you may find they carry you through this journey more than you ever expected. Often, they are what matter most.