Attachment Parenting: What It Is, Pros and Cons

Life changes significantly when you welcome a baby. Suddenly, you are responsible for a tiny human, often without a clear guide on how to do it.

As you adjust to caring for your baby, you may start thinking about your parenting style. One approach you might come across is attachment parenting. Understanding how it works can help you decide if it aligns with your beliefs and your family’s needs.

What Is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment style parenting is a modern parenting philosophy. It promotes attachment between a parent and child by encouraging empathy, responsiveness to a child’s needs, and the use of certain “tools” or “strategies” that emphasize emotionally rich interactions between the child and caregiver, as well as bodily closeness and touch.¹ It is sometimes referred to as natural parenting, as it focuses on parents relying on their instincts to make decisions about raising their children.

Related: Types of Parenting Styles Explained by an Expert

The Origins of Attachment Parenting

This parenting philosophy developed over time and is often linked to earlier research on attachment and caregiving.

Attachment parenting is a responsive and connection-focused philosophy that emerged after World War II. One of the first influential books was Benjamin Spock’s handbook, which suggested that mothers should parent according to common sense and with loving, physical contact, which was considered radical at the time.² This book influenced parenting in the post-war period and paved the way for new, gentler parenting philosophies like attachment parenting.

William Sears was a pediatrician who wrote several parenting books (along with Martha Sears) and developed a new philosophy, which he initially called “immersion mothering” in his book “Creative Parenting.” ³ He coined the term “attachment parenting” in later books.⁴ Attachment parenting is often confused with attachment styles, but they are different.

John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth originally defined attachment and four key attachment styles: secure, disorganized, ambivalent, and avoidant.⁵ Their meaning of secure attachment describes how a primary caregiver who is sensitive and responsive to their child’s needs will create a sense of trust in their child. Around the time attachment theories were gaining awareness and momentum, William and Martha Sears later changed their parenting philosophy to attachment parenting, as the concept of attachment was increasingly recognized and the theory was well-researched.⁶ The term “attachment parenting” and specific links to the attachment theories of Bowlby and Ainsworth only came later. Sears’ work on attachment parenting has not been scientifically linked to secure attachment as the outcome of their strategies.

Related: How To Create a Secure Attachment With Your Baby

The Seven B’s of Attachment Parenting

When Sears developed the principles of attachment parenting, he outlined seven principles based on reading babies’ cues to meet their biological needs. These principles outline how attachment parenting is typically practiced in daily life.⁴

1. Birth Bonding

Sears outlined that the first six weeks after birth are critical for long-term healthy parent-child attachment. He encourages skin-to-skin contact, constant presence or togetherness, and the nurturing the mother provides.

2. Breastfeeding

This is seen as a critical element of attachment parenting, as breastfeeding is a natural and healthy way to nurture and soothe a baby. It also encourages close physical contact and creates early bonds when a mother responds to her child’s hunger cries. However, remember that breastfeeding is not always possible for some people; breastfeeding (or not) doesn’t determine who is a good parent.

3. Baby Wearing

This refers to having a baby close by at all times and wearing the baby in a sling or wrap. This is key in attachment parenting, which promotes physical closeness: the baby is attached to the mom, who goes about her daily business while constantly providing touch, comfort, and nurturing while “wearing” her baby.

Related: 12 Benefits of Babywearing for Mom and Baby

4. Bed Sharing

William Sears encourages bed-sharing. He indicates that this reduces separation anxiety overnight and provides easy access to the mom for breastfeeding. Remember, every family needs to explore safe sleep practices and determine the most appropriate sleep arrangements for their family rather than use a one-size-fits-all approach. Please review safe sleeping recommendations before making any decisions.

5. Baby’s Crying Is Communication

Instead of seeing crying or screaming as manipulation or a baby being “bad,” attachment parents understand that cries are babies’ only way of communicating their needs. The attachment style of parenting encourages parents to pay close attention to these cries, try to decipher them, and respond to their needs to foster a strong, secure bond.

Related: 6 Different Cries: What Your Baby’s Cry is Trying to Tell You

6. Concerns About Sleep Training

William Sears does not promote or condone sleep training in his books. His thoughts center on the lack of training for sleep trainers or consultants, and he believes that sleep training hardens a mother against her baby’s cries, disrupting attachment and bonding because she is not responding to the child’s needs. As a result, they will become shut down or nonresponsive. Families should research support or strategies to help get a good night’s sleep. It is an individual decision based on each family’s needs and beliefs.

7. Balance

No one can be a perfect parent 100% of the time. Attachment parenting encourages parents to understand and acknowledge that they won’t always get it right, nor should they strive to become perfect. It also acknowledges the challenge of balancing all your needs as a parent — emotional, psychological, and social while navigating the new and evolving needs of your little one. It’s about finding some balance or a happy medium where possible.

Related: Ignore the Pressure to ‘Get It Right’ as a Parent

Potential Benefits of Attachment Parenting

As many of the principles align with attachment theories, there are some significant pros to this style of parenting:

Secure Attachment Benefits

Significant research exists and indicates that children with secure attachment to their parents will experience benefits such as:⁷

• Being better problem-solvers
• Being more independent
• Having increased empathy
• Being more resilient
• Having stronger relationships
• Experiencing higher self-esteem
• Being less likely to develop anxiety or depression

Although attachment parenting isn’t the same as secure attachment (as referred to in this research), it promotes similar principles. It encourages parents to be sensitive to and responsive to their child’s needs. This can help form a secure attachment. Remember that although the principles are there, Sears’ work on attachment parenting has not been scientifically linked to secure attachment being the outcome of their strategies.

Related: Why I Changed My Mind About Attachment Parenting

Support for Breastfeeding

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the World Health Organization (WHO) recommend exclusive breastfeeding for up to 6 months and tandem breastfeeding alongside complementary solids for up to 2 years or older.⁸ Also, 60% of mothers stop breastfeeding before they intend to. One key reason they cite is that they lack support, or it’s not part of their cultural norms.⁸ Attachment parenting encourages and promotes breastfeeding, which may help moms who need to see breastfeeding normalized or feel supported to continue their breastfeeding journey.

Less Stress for Positive Development

Some research indicates that when parents are responsive to their child’s needs, it reduces the stress chemicals in their body.⁹ This can positively influence their brain’s development, and they are more resilient or able to cope with stress and regulate their emotions as they grow.

Potential Challenges of Attachment Parenting

Some cons of this parenting style include:

Pressure to Breastfeed

Although it’s positive to encourage breastfeeding to help normalize it and increase support for it, sometimes, pressure adds stigma or shame if a mother doesn’t wish to or cannot breastfeed for whatever reason. This stress may impact a mother’s self-esteem and well-being. Stress can exacerbate breastfeeding issues, including difficulty with the let-down reflex and decreased breast milk supply.¹⁰ So, all that pressure could have the opposite effect.

Related: Reasons for Choosing Not to Breastfeed

Bed Sharing

There is conflicting research — the AAP says the risk of suffocation or sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is higher in bed sharing as opposed to room sharing due to potential risks posed by soft bedding, mattresses, or a parent rolling onto their child.¹¹ However, other research indicates that if parents follow safe sleeping practices when bed-sharing, particularly with breastfeeding, it can lower the risk.¹² You and your family must conduct your research to decide whether bed or room sharing is for you, keeping safe sleeping practices paramount in either situation.

Not Enough Chance for a Break

The practice of closeness and constant attention to an infant or small child can be exhausting. There are few chances for a break, and some moms feel touched out or have their own life experiences that make touch, being held, or even the sensory input of constantly being around other people (particularly loud, wailing babies) distressing. This parenting approach can make it hard for some moms to establish a sense of self, engage in self-care, and maintain healthy eating and sleeping patterns. Using some tools or following the strategies 100% of the time might not suit them.

May Limit the Role of Other Caregivers

Sears is very vocal about mothers being primary caregivers and fathers being there to support and help them, which allows mothers to devote themselves fully to their babies. This dynamic will not suit all families. For instance, if the father is the primary caregiver or a child enters a two-father household, it could alienate or shame their preference for dads as primary caregivers. Excluding dads or minimizing their role lessens their chance to bond and puts more pressure on moms to take on the lion’s share of caring.¹³

Related: 13 Practical Ways Dads Can Get Involved in Baby Care

There is no single “right” way to parent. What matters most is choosing an approach that aligns with your values and supports your child’s well-being.

Whether you follow attachment parenting or take a blended approach, the goal is the same: to create a safe, responsive, and nurturing environment where your child can thrive.