Raise your hand if you have ever heard the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Many of us grew up believing that words did not matter as much as actions.
As parents, we now know that is not true. Words have a lasting impact, and teaching our kids how to use them with empathy and intention is one of the most important lessons we can pass on.
Why Words Have a Lasting Impact
The words we use can shape how others feel and how we connect with them.
Recently, my oldest daughter shared one of her favorite lessons from her guidance counselors on the importance of words. The lesson discussed the impact of our words on those around us, how one compliment can make someone’s day, and how a few mean words spoken in anger can be devastating.
The lesson showed how powerful words can be, whether positive or negative. To illustrate the point concretely, the counselor had the kids crumple up a piece of paper. Each crumple represented unkind words or bullying. Once they finished, she had them try to get the paper back to the way it was. Of course, no matter how much they smoothed it back out, it wasn’t the same.
She explained that, in a real-life scenario, smoothing the paper might look like apologizing. But even when we say we’re sorry, when we hurt someone, it never fully erases the impact of what was said. Things don’t go back exactly to how they were. The same is true when we let mean words get the better of us.
As parents, we want to teach our kids this lesson without the heartbreak, and it starts by leading with empathy. “You can build empathy by teaching the power of words,” says Matthew Schubert, a licensed professional counselor. “When your child understands how certain words make them feel, it helps them understand how their words affect others,” he adds.
Teaching our kids to walk in someone else’s shoes helps them pause and think about the impact and power of their words. It also helps them be a caring friend to those who have had difficult experiences with bullying. Even though they may not have been made fun of, they understand what it would feel like.
Related: Compliments to Start Your Child’s School Day (That Don’t Focus on Looks)
How to Teach Empathy and Kindness
Being empathetic in every situation is not easy, even for an adult with more practice. It’s even more difficult as a kid, especially when tempers flare. So, how do we teach our kids to be kind and patient?
Schubert recommends that parents start with the basics, such as identifying emotions and communicating effectively. “Doing this helps people better understand what you are trying to say and how you’re feeling,” he says. Remember that kindness can show up in many ways. Practicing kindness doesn’t have to include a grand gesture.
Related: How to Teach Empathy to Kids and Why It Matters
Simple Ways to Practice Kindness
Teaching kindness does not have to be complicated. Small, everyday actions can make a meaningful difference. If you’re looking for ways to teach your kids to infuse a little more kindness in their day-to-day lives, consider practicing some of the following:
- Give a compliment to a friend, a family member, or even a stranger
- Practice gratitude and let people know you appreciate them
- Be willing to listen to others
- Volunteer with local organizations or perform acts of kindness that help others
- Leave notes of encouragement
While this isn’t an exhaustive list, it’s an excellent place to start if you’re looking for little ways to teach your kids kindness. You can also ask your child about ideas they have. How do they want to practice kindness? How have they received kindness in the past that was meaningful to them?
“Finding the right words and actions to express this is an empowering experience for your kids,” says Schubert. “Something I often hear from kids is that they feel unheard. They feel invisible in the realm of adults making all the rules for them and always telling them what to do,” he adds. When your kiddo gets actively involved in these activities, it feels less like something they have to do and more like something they want to do.
Related: Tips for Teaching Kindness to Kids
We Are Responsible for Our Words
The words we use carry more weight than we often realize. Teaching our kids to choose them with care can shape how they treat others and how they move through the world.
Remind them often that they are responsible for their words, and that even small moments of kindness can have a lasting impact.
