Today’s culture has created unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a “perfect mom.” I’m here to tell you that you are a great mom just as you are. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what’s best for your mental health as you raise your children.
Over the years, I’ve unfollowed many mommy influencers because their presence in my feed took a toll on my mental health. Even though it was never their intention, seeing perfectly curated lives made me feel like a “bad mom.” Mommy Facebook groups added to that pressure too, especially early in my parenting journey, and I started to notice how easily comparison can make moms feel inadequate.
So many mothers carry unnecessary guilt because of common misconceptions about what “good parenting” is supposed to look like. Let’s be clear: if you’re worried that you’re a bad mom, you’re not. Let’s talk about the myths that need to stop.
You are not a bad mom . . .
So many moms carry unnecessary guilt because of unrealistic expectations. Let’s clear up a few common misconceptions.
. . . if your child is a picky eater.
Some littles have strong food preferences (mine included). I was a smug first-time mom who was confident that doing baby-led weaning would create a non-picky toddler. Joke’s on me! My son is two, and his main food groups are Uncrustables, cheese sticks, yogurt, and donuts.
. . . when dinner is delivered, frozen meals, or cereal.
A family is hard to feed! It takes a significant amount of time to plan and execute meals for your family. Please don’t feel bad about taking a break and ordering pizza for delivery. Or for microwaving chicken nuggets or serving a bowl of cereal.
Related: 5 Things to Remember When You Feel Like a Bad Mom
. . . because you work or you stay at home.
Can the comparison between being a working mom and a stay-at-home mom please be put to rest? I have done both, and hands down, being a mom period—whether you are at home or out of the home working—is the hardest job I have ever had.
. . . if you have a strong-willed child.
Many parents believe that if they raise their children in a certain way, they will behave in a certain way. Soon-to-be parents think this way until they have a strong-willed child of their own. They quickly learn that they experience pushback from their child on pretty much all of their parenting ideas. Let me just say you have done nothing wrong. This is who your child is, and there is nothing wrong with having a strong-willed child. It will serve them well when they get older. Continue to be consistent with your boundaries and always approach your child from a place of love. Eventually, they will grow and understand why you did everything you did. (Even if that’s when they’re adults and are having children of their own.)
. . . when you lose your cool.
Sometimes, you simply have a bad day, but that doesn’t make you a bad mom. Perhaps the kids are misbehaving, your husband isn’t cooperating, or the dogs won’t stop barking. We are human beings, too, and sometimes we just snap. This has happened to me before, and it’s probably the worst I’ve ever felt as a mom. It is important to teach your children that we all have emotions. Sometimes, we experience big emotions, and we are sorry if we hurt anyone’s feelings. Your children will forgive you!
Related: 7 Ways to Handle a Bad Mom Day
. . . if you hate certain parts of parenthood.
Some people love the newborn phase, while others love the toddler season and beyond. It’s okay not to love every part of parenthood. It’s hard to get up multiple times throughout the night, night after night, to calm your waking baby. It’s tough to handle toddler tantrums at home or in public. Potty training can be a pain. So can puberty. Don’t feel guilty or be hard on yourself for not liking a particular part of parenthood. It is normal to have those feelings. Remember that everything in life and every stage we go through is temporary. Over time, things will evolve and improve.
. . . if your house is a mess.
By the time Friday afternoons roll around, our house looks like a tornado flew through it. Despite the best of intentions, it is hard to keep up. I promise your kids won’t remember how messy or clean your house was. They will remember how much fun they had with their parents or caregivers and how much they are loved.
. . . if you feel touched out.
Between pets, kids, and significant others, it is easy to feel touched out by the end of the day! It’s okay to need a break from being a jungle gym or cuddle buddy. Sometimes you just need a break. “Touched out” was never a concept I understood before becoming a mom, but I feel it often now.
Related: What Does “Touched Out” Mean for Moms?
. . . if you need a break from your kids.
As we know, kids are exhausting. They are the loves of our lives, but we all need a break and some alone time to recharge. Wanting a break doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means that you’re human and you can only handle so much. Like every employer gives their employees days off, parents are working hard too, but they don’t get designated time off. They have to plan it and create it for themselves. As mothers, we must take care of ourselves to better care for our children. So remember, it’s only normal to need or crave some “you time” away from your kids. Go meet up with some girlfriends, go on a date night with your partner, or go alone to Target and grab a Starbucks. You’ll feel better for doing it and will be able to give more of yourself to your kids.
Related: You’re A Good Mom, Even If You Have Bad Mom Days
. . . you take medication for your mental health.
Society has created a stigma around mental health medication. Antidepressants have saved my life. I like to be very open about my journey to help lessen the stigma and make others feel like they are not alone. I am a better mom, wife, daughter, and sister when I am appropriately medicated. It has saved my life, and you should never feel like a bad mom for taking medication that helps you be the best version of yourself.
. . . if you don’t want to play all the time.
Independent play is one of the best skills your child can learn! Allowing them to have freedom and creativity within their surroundings enables their imaginations to run wild, which is beneficial for their development at any given time. It’s also okay if you feel tired and let them watch movies and eat snacks all day. To your child, that sounds like the best day ever!
Related: I Don’t Play with My Kids (and That’s Okay)
. . . if you’re a single mom.
Single moms are absolute superheroes in my mind. You should never feel like anything less than that every single day. Your days are harder, longer, and more challenging than moms with partners at home. You have to be everything for your kids, and you are more than enough!
Don’t forget that you are doing your best and are a good mom. Your kids are happy, healthy, and fed (even if they just ate fruit snacks for dinner). Most importantly, they are loved. Moms are imperfect beings, but you are the perfect mom for your little one. When your son or daughter grows up, they will remember being loved and cared for. They won’t remember whether the house was a mess or if they only ate chicken nuggets for dinner for weeks on end. You are not a bad mom. Period.
