We all know them.
Those girls that always post about how perfect their man is. How amazing their relationship is and how their marriage is nothing but rainbows and butterflies. The high-def pictures of kisses and giggles in the corner of a cozy downtown cafe in the middle of Spring.
Those moms who always share the most polished moments of motherhood. How clean their living room is on a school night. How their kids only make straight A’s and start walking at 7 months old and are 60% fluent in Spanish AND Mandarin – all because of the undivided and perfect attention momma gives them.
And let me be honest . . .
I’ve been guilty of that myself.
Sharing on Instagram only the highlights of my husband’s and my relationship. The best accomplishments of my kids. Letting the world in on only the overwhelming beauty of marriage and motherhood and life as we know it (eye roll). Let’s be real friends. That fairytale beauty happens only a very, VERY, V E R Y small percentage of the time, mmkay.
Like, VERY small percentage. Did I mention a small percentage?
It’s so easy to sit and compare – to look at other’s relationship highlights or mom wins, thinking “dude, my marriage sucks compared to theirs,” or “geez, I don’t even know when PTA meetings are held for my kid’s school.” All of the if-only and the what-ifs of what life would be like in someone else’s shoes instead of your own.
I know this because I’m even guilty of that too. Seeing couples and moms I admire on social media – the places they go, the things they do, the gorgeous outfits and the makeup and the smiles and the sceneries . . . only for me to snap back into reality when I look up from my computer screen. There I am, sitting in the living room, wearing an XL snot-stained t-shirt and greasy mom-bun-hair, with my shirtless husband standing across the house scratching his balls, and hearing the kids trying to flush a toothbrush down the toilet.
So. If you’ve been caught in a comparison trap recently, let’s give you some facts of what every mom, wife, and woman does – and yes – even the ones you think have it all together.
- She slams her hand in the car door. Hard.
- She gets zits. Sometimes in the weirdest places ever.
- She poops. And it stinks.
- She forgets her kid’s backpack at home. And their lunch.
- She has crazy bed head in the mornings. And dragon breath.
- She leaves a dirty diaper on the floor. Forgets about it until another kid starts playing with it.
- She pretends she’s already sleeping when her husband is – clearly – in the mood.
- She burps. And farts.
- She eats sugar and gluten when you’re not looking. And no, she won’t post about it.
- She forgets to brush her kids’ teeth during summertime. And hers.
- She leaves a load of laundry in the washing machine until it smells like mildewy death.
- She has cellulite. Yes, she does.
- She has periods. And they suck just as bad for her, too.
- Speaking of periods, she gets completely irrational while on them. Sometimes psycho.
- She cancels brunch dates with friends, probably because she feels like she looks like a potato in all of her outfits.
- People annoy her. And she annoys people, too.
- She gets in arguments with her husband. And they aren’t always civil.
- She gets her feelings hurt because girls are mean.
- She has a legit fear of heights, of clowns, of rejection, of failure.
- She has nightmares. Some so bad that she can’t go back to sleep.
- She experiences FOMO (fear of missing out). She gets sad when she does miss out.
- She carries guilt. For all kinds of crap she’s done.
- She feels like she’s not enough. As a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a human.
- She wants things that she’ll know she’ll never have.
- She wishes she could be more like you.
Knowing these things – girls – let’s all have some grace. On both sides of the fence, whether you are a comparer or a judger.
Life isn’t perfect for anyone. No matter what you see on social media – there are always seasons of good, bad, and ugly for everyone.
Instead of envying the cool things she has, remember the blessings that you have.
Instead of judging her shortcomings, think about the good qualities she does have.
Instead of comparing yourself to her, know that you are not her and never will be her.
Instead, you are you.
You are special, unique, set apart, lucky, gorgeous, and SO. FREAKING. COOL.
And she is, too.