When I first became a mom, the importance of good sleep wasn’t even on my radar. I remember someone buying me the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr. Marc Weissbluth and telling me that the book had saved her life. I remember feeling like that statement seemed a bit dramatic as I thought, “What’s so complicated about sleep? Babies eventually learn to do it. Right?”
Ha ha ha. No. (Not in my case.)
Fast forward five months to a crazy, sleep-deprived version of me who had a baby waking up multiple times in the night to nurse. And one who could not nap or go to bed on his own without a complicated and semi-ineffective routine of bouncing and nursing. I remember opening up “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” (HSHHC), the book I had earlier disregarded, in desperate need of help.
However, as I read through it, I became increasingly upset to realize that Weissbluth’s method involved letting my son cry. Actually angry. What kind of idiot thinks it’s wise to let a baby cry to sleep?! So I shelved the book and talked trash about it for the next few months until I once again reached a sleep-deprived breaking point. This time, I decided it was time to give it a whirl! And when I officially followed through with it (and with a lot of prayers), my son started sleeping better than ever!
This article is written from personal experience and includes information supported by pediatric sleep research.
As I have continued to have children who struggle with good sleep habits, I now see the benefit of encouraging them from a young age—for the sake of their mom, but more importantly, for the sake of the baby. (In the last six months, I have known four babies to wake two to six times a night, start sleeping 10–12 hour periods after using this method, and fall asleep on their own.)
What Is the “Cry It Out” Method?
The cry it out (CIO) method helps babies learn to self-soothe and fall asleep independently, but it’s often misunderstood.
The Ferber method involves a parent going in to comfort baby without holding them and progressively adding more length between comforts. Weissbluth’s method suggests that after the baby is 5 months old, they are old enough to learn to self-soothe. So, in the most basic summary of it, Weissbluth’s method says:
- The parent develops a soothing bedtime routine that meets all the child’s needs. The baby is clean, freshly diapered, and fed.
- The parent lays the baby down, awake, even if almost asleep.
- The parent leaves the room and lets the baby cry without going in to reassure them. (He believes that by going in to check on or comfort baby, you are teaching baby that if they cry long enough, you will come instead of teaching them to self-soothe and fall asleep.)
- At naptime, Weissbluth states that if the baby has cried for up to an hour, the parent can go in and get the baby, but not soothe them to sleep. Instead, hold the baby off until their next nap time. This way, the baby begins to develop a schedule and realizes that parents will not come and soothe them if they fight sleep.
- He also states that a baby may still need 1-2 feedings at night up until 9 months old, and does not prohibit parents from feeding their babies at night.
Disclaimer: Please know this is a paraphrased summary of HSHHC. To utilize his method, you should read the book. It offers a wealth of knowledge on everything related to a baby’s need for sleep, the research backing it, and tips for helping children of every age learn to sleep.
Pros and Cons of the Cry It Out Method
Like most parenting decisions, sleep training isn’t one-size-fits-all. Before deciding if the cry it out method is right for your family, it helps to look at both the positives and the challenges.
Here’s my honest list of pros and cons, based on research and real experiences from parents who’ve tried it.
The Pros of Cry It Out
- It’s not complicated. The baby cries and learns to self-soothe.
- Research backs that it works.1
- Even though it feels like listening to crying is a year of your life, it usually works within a few days.
- It can transform a horrible sleeper into a quality sleeper, which Weissbluth says can impact their mood and development in childhood.
- It helps stop bad sleep habits from forming while the child is still in a crib.
- Helps a desperate, sleep-deprived parent and lets them rest.
- I know more babies for whom it has worked than any other method.
Overall, the cry it out method can be effective for many families who need structure and rest, especially when approached with consistency and patience.
The Cons of Cry It Out
- You have to listen to your baby cry! And nobody enjoys that.
- Your baby may cry longer than other babies, which can feel painful. (Some take 15 minutes of low-key crying and then fall asleep. Others intensely cry for an hour the first time.)
- If you form bad habits again (such as nursing them to sleep and laying them down), you may notice that you have to repeat the process again.
- It may not eliminate all crying. Once your baby has begun sleeping through the night, they may sleep through the night without crying again. Or your baby may need to cry for a few minutes before bed each night or during a nap to fall asleep.
- There is a possibility that it may not work for your baby.
Every baby is different, and crying it out isn’t the only way to build good sleep habits. Always consider your baby’s temperament and your comfort level.
I am not promoting this method for everyone. Some people have no problem getting up with their child throughout the night, while for others, the trade-off of sleeping versus letting a child cry is not worth it. And for that person, this method IS NOT for you. However, I would suggest trying this method for individuals struggling to survive without sleep, especially those with a cranky baby who isn’t taking good naps or sleeping well at night.
And here’s a final reason from Mary, who recently used it:
“Crying it out was like ripping off a band-aid. We could have dragged out sleep training for months, but my ability to work was suffering. Not to mention, baby didn’t know how to transition back to sleep through sleep cycles, so he was only taking 20-minute naps, which left him exhausted. We were ALL exhausted day and night. It wasn’t easy, but our baby slept through the night by night two. We were all rested and happier. It’s just like taking off those training wheels for the first time. It’s scary, but getting a good night’s sleep is so important for baby.”
Sleep training looks different for every family, and that’s okay. Whether you use the cry it out method or another gentle approach, the goal is simple: better rest for you and your baby. Trust your instincts, stay patient, and know you’re doing an amazing job.
