How to Raise a Child Who is Not an A$$hole

How to Raise a Child Who is Not an A$$hole | Baby Chick

How to Raise a Child Who is Not an A$$hole

So, I’m going to be real honest here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at the playground with my kids and observed interactions between other kids on the playground and thought to myself, “Wow. That kid is going to be an a**hole someday.” I would never say that out loud to anyone (well, maybe my sister because I know she won’t judge me), but I certainly think it. A lot more than I care to admit. (Seriously, please tell me I’m not the only one!).

After doing this for a while, it made me start to wonder whether other people might think that about my kids. God, I hope not! But I can’t deny that my kids can do a**hole-y things sometimes. I started to think about how I can make sure my kids don’t turn in to jerks later in life. After much thinking and reading, here are some tips I’ve come up with to (hopefully?) ensure your kid doesn’t become an a**hole.

How to Raise a Child Who is Not an A$$hole

1. Practice “please” and “thank you.”

This is a fundamental concept, one that we all should have learned from a very young age. Unfortunately, I hear less and less of these simple words coming out of kid’s mouths these days. Teaching our kids to say please and thank you is an effortless way to encourage polite, respectful behavior. And don’t forget, kids, learn the most by observing YOU. Start practicing saying please and thank you, even to people you see every day and take for granted (hello, husbands!) because your kids will start to mimic that behavior.

2. Instill good manners from the start.

Again, good manners seem to have gone the way of the Dodo. The simple act of teaching your child to say “excuse me” or “yes, ma’am” or “yes, sir” goes a long way. It teaches your child to show respect and consideration for someone other than him or herself.

3. Don’t give them everything they want.

Listen, I struggle with this one. One of my love languages is giving gifts. I buy my kids all kinds of crap because I love them and am always thinking about how to make them happy. Despite my loving intentions, giving my kids everything they want is going to do nothing but turn them into selfish, self-centered jerks. That’s the last thing I want for them. Instead, I need to show restraint and show them that they can’t have everything so that they learn the lessons of delayed gratification, gratefulness, hard work, and gratitude.

4. Start chores young.

Giving your child chores from an early age teaches them about responsibility, natural consequences (when they don’t do them), and the satisfaction of gaining rewards for hard work. These are all critical lessons to learn at an early age. If they don’t start learning about it young and then are suddenly thrust into the real world where (typically) people have to be responsible and earn a living, they will be very, very unprepared.

5. Keep rewards reasonable.

Don’t start giving your child a $20 each time they complete the two items on their chore list. Don’t buy them a new iPad after they cleaned their room for the first time in 6 weeks. Be reasonable about the rewards you give them (and news flash, an award can be a simple “Well done, son!” and not money or things at all!).

6. Call them out when they’re rude or unappreciative.

One thing I cannot tolerate from my children is rudeness or ungratefulness. If my child is given a gift from their grandparent and they don’t say thank you or, worse, act like it’s not worthy of their thanks, I will take that gift away from them in a hot second. I work hard to teach my kids that gifts, no matter how small, are worthy of thanks. And that rudeness will not be tolerated.

7. Start community service young.

Serving in the community from a young age is a great way to teach your kids the art of giving back and helping others. You can take your kids with you to the local soup kitchen, or you can involve them in stuffing stockings for less fortunate children at Christmas time. There are a lot of ways you can include your children in helping or giving back to their community.

8. Point out the needs of others.

The other weekend we were driving to our local nature center, and we stopped at a light near an overpass. There was a homeless man on the corner with a sign asking for food or money. I never carry cash, and I would instead give food or something tangible they can use, and the only thing I had was an unopened bottle of water. I rolled down the window and gave the man my water, said, “God bless you,” and the light turned green.

As we were driving away, my daughter began to ask a great many questions about the encounter, and I was able to teach her that many people in this world don’t have homes, or enough food, or even clean water to drink. It was an eye-opening moment for her, and one that I know will help her to see the need around her from now on.

9. Teach them about how life is different in other countries.

Along the same lines as the story above, teaching our children about the lives and struggles of other people, especially children because that’s who they can relate to the most, in other countries, can help to strengthen your kid’s ability to sympathize and think outside of their little bubble. Not everything is sunshine and roses for many, many people and I believe it is essential for children to learn how blessed they are and to try to think of ways to share those blessing with other less fortunate kids.

10. Write thank-you notes.

I may be the only mom on the planet still writing old-fashioned thank you notes, but I don’t care. They are important! I think taking the time to sit down and write a thank you note for a gift or a kind deed you received teaches valuable lessons on thankfulness, not to mention that it has a far more significant impact on the recipient of the note. My kids are still too young to write on their own. So we will sit down together, and I will have my kiddo dictate their thank-you to me, and I will write it for them. Then I’ll have them “sign” the card and “decorate” it. They love doing this because it makes them feel good to know they’ve made someone else smile by sending a thoughtful note!

I’m sure there are many more ways to teach your kids critical character-building lessons to keep them from becoming a**holes later in life, but these are the ones that I’m starting with! Hopefully, if I do my job right, my kids will turn out to be decent human beings, and I won’t have to worry about other parents judging them on the playground (or anywhere else) someday.

About the Author /

Cheyenne is an attorney, writer, speaker and blogger with a slight obsession for home decor, red wine, and good coffee. Cheyenne’s blog, Sense & Serendipity, focuses on inspiring others to create a home well loved and a life well lived. Cheyenne lives in San Marcos, Texas with her two children, Aislin and Hawkins.

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5️⃣ Paternity leave! If you have it TAKE IT. The early stages of a child's life are not just for moms to enjoy. I know as men making the money especially after having a baby it's hard, but trust me. You can always make money but there are no instant replays in life. It doesn't make you more of a man to not take the leave. It's equally as important that you as a Dad get to be a part of the early development of your child. ⁠
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1️⃣ Look for signs of readiness:⁠
- Diaper dry for at least 1-2 hours.⁠
- Pulling at their diaper when its wet or soiled.⁠
- Hiding or fidgeting when going pee or poo in diaper.⁠
- Interest in others using the potty.⁠
- Waking up with a dry diaper after naps.⁠
- Telling you when they have gone pee or poo.⁠
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Potty training is much quicker if your child is showing the above signs, but you can start before this.⁠
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2️⃣ What you will need to buy:⁠
- Toilet seat insert to place on your toilet⁠
- Steps⁠
- Underwear (at least 10 pairs)⁠
- Foldable toilet seat (for when you are out of the house)⁠
- Piddle pad (for car journeys)⁠
- Waterproof shoes such as crocs, sliders, etc. (they can be rinsed and dried)⁠
- Not necessary but helpful: flushable wipes⁠
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3️⃣ Getting yourself and your child prepared:⁠
- Talk to your child about using the potty, maybe take them into the bathroom when you go and talk them through the process (e.g. wiping, flushing, and washing hands, etc.)⁠
- Practice pulling pants or shorts up and down.⁠
- Look on YouTube with your child at some potty training stories (e.g. 'I Want My Potty' and 'Pirate Pete's Potty')⁠
- Involve your child in choosing and buying everything you need - choosing character-themed underwear is usually very exciting!⁠
- Sit your child on the potty at every diaper change, first thing in the morning and just before bed to get them used to sitting on the toilet.⁠
- Teach your child the correct vocabulary or signs needed to communicate when they need to go potty.⁠
- Make sure you have plenty of spare clothes.⁠
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4️⃣ Let's get toilet trained:⁠
- Get your child to choose a pair of underwear and put them on.⁠
- Talk to them about using the toilet and communicating when they need to pee or poo. You can sit them on the toilet at this point if you wish.⁠
- Take your child to the toilet every 15/20 minutes. Say "let's go to the potty" rather than asking "do you want to go to the toilet" - if you ask, they are likely to say no! Also, look for signs like moving from side-to-side or hiding. These are normal signs that they might need to go potty.⁠
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(Continue reading in the comments!)
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