“But I want it now.” Nearly all parents will experience moments when their child seems entitled, spoiled, or ungrateful. Children may forget to say “please” and “thank you,” demand more after receiving something special, or struggle to appreciate what they already have. These behaviors are often part of a normal “me, mine, now” developmental phase.1
While this phase is common, parents don’t want to raise ungrateful or entitled children. Teaching gratitude and respect goes beyond manners. It involves helping children understand their role in the world, take responsibility for their actions, and consider the needs of others. If you’ve noticed signs of entitlement, there are ways to support your child in developing empathy and accountability.2
Key Takeaways
- Entitled child behaviors often include lack of accountability, instant gratification, and difficulty managing frustration.
- Common causes of entitlement relate to upbringing, environment, and exposure to media that promotes materialism.
- Parents can combat entitled behavior by assigning chores, helping manage emotions, and teaching resilience.
- Encouraging gratitude shifts children’s focus from what they want to appreciating what they have.
- Expanding a child’s circle of concern promotes empathy and understanding towards others.
What Are Some Signs of Entitlement?
Entitlement can show up in everyday behaviors, especially when children struggle with frustration, responsibility, or delayed gratification.
The definition of an entitled child is believing they inherently deserve special treatment or certain privileges, or are exempt from usual social expectations.3 Despite having six types of the coolest action figures, they whine, complain, or demand the seventh one because it’s “just not fair” that they don’t have it. Some key signs of entitlement can include:3
- Lack of accountability: This involves blaming others for one’s own mistakes or flaws. “I got bad grades because my teacher hates me.”
- Instant gratification: Expecting to receive what they want immediately.
- Belief in their rights: Everybody has rights, including children. It’s not about basic human rights, though. It’s about expecting that they deserve things for doing nothing, or that their rights supersede those of others. “I deserve to have all the Halloween candy and don’t want to share it with any of the other kids. It’s mine.”
- Difficulty dealing with frustration: They can’t handle feelings that come up when things don’t go their way, or they don’t get what they want.
Related: Signs Your Child Might be Spoiled (and What to Do)
What Causes Entitlement?
The research isn’t clear on precisely what causes entitlement, but several factors are commonly associated with it:4,5
- The environment a person grows up in
- How someone is raised or treated by their parents or other figures of authority (being a peer and not a parent, having limited rules or boundaries, bribery, not saying no, etc.)
- Whether adults solved problems for them (which creates a lack of responsibility or accountability)
- Life events or circumstances that make them feel special
- Certain mental health conditions, such as narcissistic personality disorder (please note that children who are entitled aren’t necessarily narcissistic but share similar traits, and people with narcissism show a sense of entitlement, among other symptoms)
- Media that encourages materialism, commercialism, and individualism
All these factors can influence how someone perceives the world and, in turn, what they expect from others. If someone is raised to believe that others will fix problems for them or that they don’t need to think about other people’s needs (their own needs are more important or valuable), this can result in a child becoming entitled.
Strategies To Address and Avoid Entitled Behavior
If you have noticed any entitled behaviors in your child, it’s not too late to instill a sense of responsibility or accountability and change their attitude. There are many ways you can learn how to “unspoil” a baby or child, including:
Related: How to Unspoil Your Child
Giving Them Chores
I don’t mean chores that earn money. I’m referring to everyday responsibilities that help the household run, such as picking up after themselves, helping prepare dinner or set the table, bringing their dirty clothes to the washing machine, etc. Children who do chores (even from the age of 3) tend to feel a higher sense of self-esteem, are more responsible and accountable, can delay gratification better, and are better able to manage big feelings like frustration.6
Helping Them Manage Their Emotions
A key element of entitlement is the inability to cope with frustration or when things don’t go one’s way. And a solution to this is being able to manage big emotions. This involves helping them identify and name their emotions and develop strategies to calm or settle themselves.7
Increasing Their Resilience
This refers to a person’s ability to recover from a setback or cope with disappointment. You can increase resilience by teaching them to set goals, focusing on the steps they take to complete activities, and concentrating on their attitude or values rather than the outcome. For example, telling them, “You tried hard and didn’t give up,” versus “It’s so good you won that race.” 7
Related: How to Teach Persistence to Your Toddler
Not Doing Everything for Them
Another way we increase resilience is by letting our kids deal with some stuff without our interference. Okay, it’s hard to see our kids fail or be upset, but we are taking away essential life skills and self-esteem when we rush to fix things or don’t allow them to learn how to problem-solve for themselves.
Teaching Them To Have a Gratitude Attitude
Practicing gratitude helps shift focus from what children want to what they already have. If we focus on teaching our children to be grateful, it serves as a wonderful antidote to entitlement. They learn to be grateful for what they have and not get caught up in everything they want.
You can have a daily gratitude prompt at dinner every night, such as saying “please” and “thank you,” or model sharing what you are grateful for, or engage in other gratitude exercises and activities. Make sure it’s for little, everyday things and big, special things.8
Expanding Their Circle of Concern
Ensure that, as a family, you are aware of those around you. You don’t necessarily have to donate money or even your time. There are many great ways to encourage your child to think about others, such as reading books or watching specific TV shows and documentaries to expose them to different ways of living, donating old/unused items, and sending cards to family or friends who aren’t well.
It’s normal for children to be self-focused and demanding at times. These behaviors usually decrease as children grow and learn important skills like empathy, accountability, and resilience. Many parents act out of care and a desire to protect their child from distress.
Remember that challenges, frustration, and even failure are part of healthy development. With guidance and support, these experiences help children build confidence, responsibility, and respect for others.
