I’ve always known I’m an introvert. For most of my life, it never felt like a problem. I just understood that I needed quiet, space, and time alone to recharge.
Then I became a mom. Suddenly, that part of me felt much harder to maintain. The constant noise, interaction, and lack of personal space can feel overwhelming, even when you love your kids deeply. If you’ve ever felt drained or guilty for needing time alone, you are not alone.
What Does It Mean to Be an Introvert?
Introversion is often misunderstood, but it simply describes how you recharge and respond to social interaction.1
- You love having time to yourself. It energizes you.
- Your best thinking and productivity occur when you are by yourself.
- You can be a strong leader, but you do not always seek the spotlight.
- You prefer to observe rather than jump into group situations.
- Others often seek out your advice and perspective.
- You may avoid eye contact or wear headphones in public settings.
- You avoid negative or emotionally draining interactions.
- You prefer texting or email over phone calls.
- Small talk can feel uncomfortable.
Of course, not all of these traits will fit all introverts, but you get the idea: social situations are uncomfortable, and we often like to be alone. Some introverts are what psychologists call “extroverted introverts,” which means you are still an introvert, but you can enjoy social interaction in small doses and to a certain extent.2 I fall into that category, and I honestly think I became more extroverted at times because I felt so lonely as a mom. I desperately wanted friends who understood what I was going through. Being an introverted mom can feel like a constant push and pull.
Related: The Importance of Me Time as a Mother
Why Being an Introverted Mom Feels So Overwhelming
The demands of motherhood can be especially draining when your energy comes from time alone.
We need alone time, but rarely get it.
Since becoming a mom, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually had some truly quality alone time. Generally, my alone time consists of running to Target without the kids for a couple of hours on the weekend. I need more time to myself than just a couple of hours vegging out in front of the TV after the kids go to bed (and that doesn’t even count when my husband is home because he’s still there, sorry, hubs). When I want alone time, I really need the house to myself for several hours (or a night in a hotel room by myself; seriously, this is bliss).
Asking for help doesn’t come naturally.
If being an introvert wasn’t hard enough, being a perfectionist introvert is even worse. I rarely ask friends or family for help when I need it because my inner perfectionist/introvert freak tells me that “good moms” don’t need to ask for help. More importantly, asking for help requires actually talking to someone—on the phone or in person—or having them come over to your house. Just . . . no.
Related: Why Moms Don’t Ask For Help
Playdates and busy places can feel like a lot.
Oh, lordie. Playdates, you all. They make introverts hyperventilate. When I first became a mom, I thought the idea of a playdate for an infant or toddler was the most ridiculous, hilarious, absolutely petrifying idea anyone had ever had. Any situation where I had to be around a bunch of people I didn’t know surrounded by a bunch of other children I didn’t know sounded about as appealing as pulling out all my eyelashes. I couldn’t even fathom it–until I got super lonely and realized that I might actually make friends, and my kid could go nuts for a couple of hours and pass out later. Suddenly, playdates didn’t sound so bad, but they still make me nervous as heck.
Having an extroverted child can be exhausting.
The cruel irony of an introvert having a child is that you have at least a 50/50 chance of ending up with an extroverted child. A child who loves to talk constantly, say hello to everyone, play with friends, and be in your space every minute of the day. This is my daughter, to a T. She is her father’s child–boisterous, outgoing, loud, and full of energy. I feel exhausted all the time because I have an extroverted child.
It’s hard to focus when everything feels loud and busy.
I don’t think well when I have many people (read: children) going bonkers in my general vicinity. I think it’s more about the noise than anything else for me. When I’m trying to think or do anything productive, it’s challenging for me to concentrate if it’s not quiet. It’s not just “kid noise” I have a hard time with; I can’t focus at a busy cafe or coffee shop either. It’s just the way I’m wired.
Related: 5 Tips and Tricks I’ve Learned Parenting My Introverted Child
How Introverted Moms Can Recharge and Feel More Balanced
Finding ways to recharge is essential for maintaining your energy, patience, and well-being as an introverted mom.
Find Out-Of-Home Child Care
Full disclosure: I am a stay-at-home mom, but I put my kids in Mother’s Day Out twice a week. It seems selfish, I know, but it’s really not. I need those few hours on Tuesday and Thursday to get stuff done and just “be.” I relish that time to myself, even if all I do is catch up on laundry.
Institute Quiet Time Every Day
This is also a daily life-saver for me. My four-year-old daughter no longer naps, but she sure as heck takes a “rest time” every day. One of the best things I ever bought was a Tot Clock, which allows me to set a chunk of rest time every day. When I press the right button, the clock turns blue, and my daughter knows she must play quietly in her room until the clock turns yellow again. We also use the Tot Clock to keep our kids in bed in the morning until a reasonable hour. Best. Invention. EVER.
Get Up a Little Early To Start the Day off Right
I’m still working on this one, to be honest. I love my sleep, but getting up an hour before my kids has helped my mental health. Some mornings, I just sit silently and enjoy my coffee while it’s hot. On other mornings, I’ll do a little devotional and pray. Just having that little time before the crazy of the day starts has done wonders for me.
Stop Feeling Guilty
As a new mom, I spent a lot of time feeling guilty that I felt the need to be alone. I berated myself because I thought any “good mom” wouldn’t feel an overwhelming desire to be away from her children. Once I realized that being introverted was simply the way I was wired, I accepted that I needed to take some time for myself regularly to be the best mom I can be. I had to let that guilt go. You can’t help the way you’re wired, mama.
Go On Walks
Even if I can’t manage to go on a walk by myself most days, I can “get away” by wearing my headphones while pushing my kids around the block in a stroller. I swap Disney Princess Radio for my own music, and I just let my mind wander. If my kids need something, I’ll know from their body language, but for the most part, there’s not much that can happen with them strapped in the stroller for 20 minutes. Plus, you’re getting exercise!
Join a Gym With Childcare
If exercise is your thing, join a gym with childcare. I love taking the kids to the gym every morning: they get to run around like loonies and get their wiggles out, and I get to fit in a good workout and take a shower ALL BY MYSELF. I’m telling you, showering and getting ready without interruption is worth every penny of my gym membership.
Have a Glass of Wine (Or Two)
I’m all about transparency, folks, so if telling you that I have a glass of wine every night makes me a bad mom, so be it. I may not get an hour by myself that day, and I may have to share happy hour with my husband, but you all, mama juice time is sometimes the only break I get after a long, hard day, and I don’t care if it’s not diet-friendly. Can I get an amen?
For introverted moms, finding the right balance between alone time and caring for your family can feel challenging. But needing space does not make you a bad mom. It makes you human.
If you are an introverted mom, let go of the guilt. Taking time to recharge allows you to show up more present, patient, and connected with your children.
