Why Being an Introverted Mom is Hard

Why Being an Introverted Mom is Hard | Baby Chick

Why Being an Introverted Mom is Hard

I have always known I am an introvert. It never really bothered me; it is just the way I am. But when I became a mom, being an introvert became a huge obstacle for me. In fact, becoming a mom has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, thanks in great part to the fact that I’m an introvert. Non-moms (ahem, husbands) and extroverted moms probably won’t understand why being an introverted mom is so hard, so I’m here to enlighten you on behalf of all us introvert moms.

What is an introvert?

An introvert is someone who probably exhibits these personality traits to a certain degree:

  • You love having time to yourself. In fact, it energizes you.
  • Your best thinking (and most productivity) occurs when you’re by yourself.
  • You’re a really good leader, surprisingly, but you don’t necessarily take the lead unless it’s handed to you or no one else steps up to the plate.
  • You’re the last to volunteer in a group effort; you prefer to take the back seat.
  • Other people seek out your advice and opinions.
  • You often wear headphones or avoid eye-contact in public situations (like the gym or on a bus).
  • You avoid people who are in bad moods, angry, or upset.
  • You prefer to communicate by text or email instead of phone calls.
  • You rarely initiate small talk and it may even make you feel uncomfortable.

Of course, not all of these traits will fit all introverts, but you get the idea: social situations are uncomfortable and we like to be alone a lot. And some introverts are what psychologists like to call “extroverted introverts,” which means you’re still an introvert, but you’re good at, and enjoy, social interaction in small doses and to a certain extent. Personally, I fall into that category and I honestly think one of the reasons I have become more extroverted is because I was so lonely as a mom and I desperately wanted friends who understood what I was going through. Clearly, being an introverted mom is a complicated dichotomy.

Why is being an introvert especially hard for moms?

For moms, being an introvert, even an extroverted introvert, is especially hard. Here’s just a few reasons why:

We need alone time, but get very little. Since becoming a mom, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually had some truly quality alone time. Generally, my alone time consists of running to Target without the kids for a couple of hours on the weekend. For me, I need more time to myself than just a couple of hours vegging out in front of the t.v. after the kids go to bed (and that doesn’t even count when my husband is home because he’s still there–sorry, hubs). What I really need when I want alone time is the house to myself for several hours (or a night in a hotel room by myself; seriously, this is bliss).

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It’s hard to ask for help. If being an introvert wasn’t hard enough, being a perfectionist introvert is even worse. I rarely ask friends or family for help when I need it because my inner perfectionist/introvert freak tells me that “good moms” don’t need to ask for help. More importantly, asking for help requires actually talking to someone. On the phone or in person. Or having them come over to your house. Just . . . no.

Having playdates or being at a busy park can be anxiety-inducing. Oh, lordie. Play dates, y’all. They make introverts hyperventilate. When I first became a mom I thought the idea of a play date for an infant or toddler was the most ridiculous, hilarious, absolutely petrifying idea any person had ever had. Any situation where I had to be around a bunch of people I didn’t know surrounded by a bunch of other children I didn’t know sounded about as appealing as pulling out all my eyelashes. I couldn’t even fathom it–until I got super lonely and realized that I might actually make friends and my kid could go nuts for a couple of hours and pass out later. Suddenly, play dates didn’t sound so bad, but they still make me nervous as heck.

Having an extroverted kid drains us. The cruel irony of an introvert having a child, is that you have at least a 50/50 chance of ending up with an extroverted child. A child that loves to talk (and talk and talk), and say hello to everyone, and play with friends all the time, and be in your business every minute of every day. This is my daughter, to a T. She is her father’s child–boisterous, outgoing, loud and full of energy. I am pretty sure that the reason I am exhausted ALL THE TIME is because I have an extroverted child.

Our productivity plummets when we’re surrounded by people/noise. I don’t think well when I have a bunch of people (read: children) going bonkers in my general vicinity. I think it’s more about the noise than anything else for me. When I’m trying to think or do anything productive, it’s very difficult for me to concentrate if it’s not quiet. To be fair, it’s not just “kid noise” I have a hard time with; I can’t concentrate at a busy cafe or coffee shop either. It’s just the way I’m wired.

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What’s an introverted mama to do?

From these examples, you can kind of get an idea of why things can be a little hard for an introverted mom. Would we choose not having kids so we can be happy little hermits? Of course not (most days). But we do have to practice some self-care so that we can be better mamas to our precious little noise-makers. Here are some of my favorite ways to feed my introverted soul:

1. Find out-of-home child care.

Full disclosure, I am a stay-at-home mom but I put my kids in Mother’s Day Out twice a week. Seems selfish, I know, but it’s really not. I need those few hours on Tuesday and Thursday to get stuff done and just “be.” I really relish that time to myself, even if all I’m doing is catching up on laundry or writing a blog post.

2. Institute quiet time every day.

This is also a daily life-saver for me. My four-year-old daughter no longer naps, but she sure as heck takes a “rest time” every day. One of the best things I ever bought was a Tot Clock, which allows me to set a chunk of time as rest time every day. When I press the right button, the clock turns blue and my daughter knows she must play quietly in her room until the clock turns yellow again. We also use the Tot Clock to keep our kids in bed in the morning until a reasonable hour. Best. Invention. EVER.

3. Get up a little early to start the day off right.

I’m still working on this one, to be honest. I love my sleep, but getting up an hour before my kids has been so beneficial to my mental health. Some mornings I just sit in silence and enjoy my coffee while it’s hot. Other mornings, I’ll do a little devotional and pray. Just having that little time before the crazy of the day starts has done wonders for me.

4. Stop feeling guilty.

As a new mom, I spent a lot of time feeling guilty that I felt the need to be alone. I berated myself because I thought any “good mom” wouldn’t feel an overwhelming desire to be away from her children. Once I realized that being introverted was simply the way I was wired and accepted that, to be the best mom I can be, I NEEDED to take some time for myself regularly, I had to let that guilt go. You can’t help the way you’re wired, mama.

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5. Go on walks.

Even if I can’t manage to go on a walk by myself most days, I can “get away” by wearing my headphones while pushing my kids around the block in a stroller. I listen to my music instead of Disney Princess Radio (kill me now) and I just let my mind wander. If my kids need something, I’ll know from their body language, but for the most part, there’s not much that can happen with them strapped in the stroller for 20 minutes. Plus, you’re getting exercise!

6. Join a gym with childcare.

If exercise is your thing, join a gym with childcare. I love taking the kids to the gym every morning: they get to run around like loonies and get their wiggles out and I get to fit in a good work-out and take a shower ALL BY MYSELF. I’m telling you, showering and getting ready without interruption is worth every penny of my gym membership.

7. Have a glass of wine (or two).

I’m all about transparency, folks, so if telling you that I have a glass of wine every night makes me a bad mom, so be it. I may not get an hour by myself that day and I may have to share happy hour with my husband, but y’all, mama juice time is sometimes the only break I get after a long hard day and I don’t care if it’s not diet friendly. Can I get an amen?

For us introverted moms, finding the right balance between getting some soul-refreshing alone time and taking care of our children, husband and household (and out-of-the-home job, if you’re a working mom) can be a tough job. If you are an introverted mom, please let go of that guilt and do whatever it is you need to do to be the best mom you can be, even if that means escaping your children for an hour or two. And if you are an extroverted mom, give your introvert mama friends a little grace: if they cancel that play date or don’t answer your phone call, don’t take it personally. We’ll get back to you once we’ve recharged!

About the Author /

Cheyenne is an attorney, writer, speaker and blogger with a slight obsession for home decor, red wine, and good coffee. Cheyenne’s blog, Sense & Serendipity, focuses on inspiring others to create a home well loved and a life well lived. Cheyenne lives in San Marcos, Texas with her two children, Aislin and Hawkins.

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Instagram post 17862171103601373 All of these things make me happy. What would you add to your self care toolbox?⁠
I'm seriously needing some of these things tonight to start a new week. Hoping you mamas get some self care time too! 💕⁠
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Instagram post 17853200368708392 SURPRISE! A little shocked, a little tired, and a LOT BLESSED. Congrats, @sarah_lit! ❤️⁠
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Instagram post 18073051357163780 When it comes to clamping the cord, our mottos is "what's the rush?" The blood volume in the placenta and cord at the time of birth is BABY'S blood. It's simply mid-circulation in the placenta at the time of birth. It just makes sense to leave it be and let it finish its job.⁠
No, the blood won't drain out of baby and go backwards into the placenta.⁠
No, your baby is not more likely to get sick from jaundice.⁠
Yes, your baby will still be getting oxygen while they figure out breathing, especially important if they need resuscitation.⁠
Yes, your baby will have better iron levels for the first year of their life.⁠
Look at how thick and engorged this cord still is at 4 and 18 minutes after baby was born. Just imagine how much blood baby would have lost if the cord had been clamped immediately, or at 60 seconds, 90 seconds, or 3 minutes! The placenta was expelled immediately before the 18 minute photo was taken. The pulse in the cord could still be felt even AFTER THE PLACENTA HAD BEEN DELIVERED! The cord was finally clamped and cut more than an hour after birth at 73 minutes. ❤️⁠
📷: @lawrenrosephotography⁠
Informative post and words by @bundleborn⁠
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Instagram post 17990835490280335 I totally felt this way when I was pregnant. And kinda feel this way after all that turkey. 🤣🦃 Happy turkey day to all you expecting mamas!!⁠
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Instagram post 17852562805720320 Loneliness is a real thing in new motherhood and I want to be sure we talk about this. It's okay to say, "I feel lonely." We normalize one another's experiences when we share the reality of our journey. It can be so isolating when we bring our small human home and our lives revolve around his/her care. We feel detached from the outside world. The monotony of new motherhood can be heavy.⁠
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Here are some tips to combat isolation:⁠
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1️⃣ Get outside when possible.⁠
2️⃣ Video chat with friends/family.⁠
3️⃣ Join a virtual group.⁠
4️⃣ Invite someone to come over.⁠
5️⃣ Find a local mom's group.⁠
6️⃣ Listen to the radio or a podcast (it's interesting how this can make us feel connected with others)⁠
7️⃣ Run an errand--even grabbing a coffee via drive-thru can feel good.⁠
8️⃣ Get to know your neighbors.⁠
What would you add to the list?⁠
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📷: @hallmark⁠
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Flying on a plane with your little one for the first time can be terrifying. Are they going to cry the whole time? How will they handle the airport, the turbulence and the landing? Well we have some tips that will help prepare you for your flight with your kids. Here's what to do to have a more enjoyable experience 😊 {Link in bio!}⁠
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