I often write about sleep deprivation because, as mothers, it is one of the hardest parts of early parenthood. We are exhausted, overwhelmed, and running on very little rest. One reason this feels so intense is that we are constantly asked about our baby’s sleep, often in the form of, “Is your baby a good baby?” If you’ve been asked that question, you probably know what it really means: “Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?”
So what is actually normal when it comes to night waking, especially for breastfed babies? Is frequent waking a sign that something is wrong, or is it part of typical development? Based on my 14 years of experience working with breastfeeding families, here are five important things every parent should know about frequent night waking.
Frequent Night Waking With Your Breastfed Baby
Night waking in breastfed babies is often biologically normal and closely tied to feeding, comfort, and development.
1. Your Baby Does Not Suddenly Stop Needing Night Feedings at Six Months
I see the same information and advice whenever I read a sleep article. Namely, “By this age, your baby does not need to wake up at night.” See what they did there? They tell you your baby doesn’t actually “need” you. They are just doing it because they have a sleep problem that you, as the parent, have created.
However, the truth is, your baby needs you during the night just as much at 6, 9, 18+ months as they do at 2 months. They are also not developmentally ready at this young age to understand what’s happening if you try to get them to sleep through the night without breastfeeding here or there.
Your baby will continue to need you for a long time, and mothering through breastfeeding happens both during the day and at night.
2. Breastfed Babies and Toddlers Often Wake Multiple Times at Night
Yes, I’m exaggerating with that range, but know that it is still quite normal if your baby wakes every 1-1 ½ hours overnight. Exhausting? Yes! But normal.*
When I researched my book on gentle sleep, Boobin’ All Day . . . Boobin’ All Night, I found that, among the 8,000+ people I polled, over 66% of toddlers over the age of 24 months were still waking 1-3 times at night to breastfeed. Over 12% were still waking 4-6 times! This provides valuable insight into how common nighttime waking is. They do not have sleep problems. These are breastfed kids who are continuing to do what babies and young children have always done since . . . forever! They wake up at night to find some comfort through breastfeeding.
*There are, of course, exceptions to this. For instance, if a baby is waking due to discomfort from reflux, food intolerances, sleep apnea, or other causes. However, there will usually be other symptoms if this is going on. Please seek help from your IBCLC and doctor if you have concerns.
Related: Common Reasons Babies Wake Up
3. You Will Not Create “Bad Habits” by Breastfeeding Your Baby to Sleep
Comforting your baby to sleep supports emotional security and does not interfere with long-term independence.
Instead, breastfeeding and hugs will teach your baby what it means to be comforted and cuddled while having their needs met. This creates confidence and independence. When they are developmentally ready, they will fall asleep with a cuddle rather than breastfeeding and eventually fall asleep independently. This is usually a gradual process that happens over time as they feel more comfortable with it.
From my experiences working with parents, this rarely happens naturally (without sleep training or parental encouragement) before 24 months. There are, however, ways to gently encourage this to happen once your baby is around 18 months old and can understand more of what you are saying.
4. Babies and Toddlers Often Go On and off the Breast Before Sunrise
I often hear from parents that their child will be on and off the breast very frequently (cluster feeding) in the early morning hours before the sun comes up. Kids have amazing little body clocks and can sense when the sun will rise! Often, this occurs when they are looking for some extra comfort to stay asleep and feel settled.
5. Gentle Night Weaning Does Not Require Cry-It-Out or Sleep Training
How is this possible? Wait until your child is old enough to understand what you are saying more clearly and has developed their own level of communication.
If you are looking to night-wean, I recommend waiting until your child is at least 18 months old. I suggest this age because your child will be ready to understand more of what you are saying. You will be able to explain what is happening (“No boobie until the sun comes up.”), and you will see that they get it. They might not like it! But they will understand.
Related: Gentle Night Weaning: When and How to Wean Night Feedings
Nighttime parenting in a gentle way is about respecting your child’s developmental stage while also honoring your own needs. Breastfeeding is a relationship, and how you feel about it matters too.
While motherhood can be exhausting, remember that this stage is temporary. Your child will eventually fall asleep independently and sleep in their own bed. I promise. In the meantime, cuddle them. You cannot spoil a baby by responding to their needs or breastfeeding too often.
