Most parents get caught up in the daily hustle of raising children. Between busy schedules, stress, and endless responsibilities, it is easy to overlook one of the simplest and most meaningful parenting tools we have: showing affection.
A hug, a gentle touch, or a moment of closeness may seem small, but research shows these acts play a powerful role in a child’s emotional and mental well-being. As a psychologist, I often remind parents that consistent affection helps children feel secure, connected, and supported as they grow.
Why Affection Is Important for Our Kids
Over the past decade, research has consistently shown that parental affection toward children has a significant impact on their future happiness and well-being. In 2011, researchers at Duke University Medical School found that infants with affectionate and attentive parents tended to grow into happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults.1
This study began when the babies were just 8 months old, assessing their mothers’ affection and physical touch. They were tested and rated on a scale to measure affection and attention levels. The participants, who had returned to the study in their 30s, were interviewed about their emotional health. The adults whose mothers showed “extravagant” or “caressing” affection were much less likely to feel stressed and anxious than the others. This is most likely due to the production of oxytocin in the earlier stages of life.1
Oxytocin is a chemical that the brain releases when a parent feels love and connection. It has been shown to help parents bond with their children, adding a sense of trust and support between them.4 This bond most likely allows our brain to produce and use oxytocin, causing a child to feel more positive emotions.6
Other key studies on affection have also found benefits. A 2013 study found that children who experience unconditional love from their parents tend to be happier and less anxious. They believe this is because brain structures can change in response to receiving affection. We can say the same for lack of affection, and the study also identified that children who experience abuse, neglect, or no affection can have significant physical and mental health issues into adulthood.5
Another study found that adults who reported receiving affection in childhood were happier, more compassionate, and less depressed and anxious.3
Related: Bonding Between Parents and Children at Every Social Age
Early Bonding Matters
Things have changed in early childhood development, especially right after birth, to help support this bond and connection with babies. Most recently, the practice of skin-to-skin contact with newborn babies has become more common. Skin-to-skin contact for babies, particularly between mom and baby, can help calm babies and lull them to sleep. This instantly makes them feel secure and loved.6
According to an article in Scientific American, children who lived in a deprived environment, like an orphanage, had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who lived with their parents. Scientists believe that the lack of physical contact in orphanages is a significant factor in these physical changes.2
It’s Never Too Late
Most of these studies have been conducted since infancy to see the effects over time. But that does not mean you have run out of time if you didn’t do skin-to-skin with your baby. As we have just learned, physical touch and affection toward children have a significant influence on their behavior, sense of self, and overall mental and physical well-being. There are numerous ways to promote affection within your family and household.
In my work, I like to share an idea that I call “Love Taps,” a small “tap” or physical touch from you that can help your child feel affection and connectedness. We can use these little love taps often throughout the day. This concept is so simple in our busy lives, but it reminds us of those small moments when we can connect with our child on a physical level. Examples include “tapping” their head as they play, rubbing their back as you walk with them upstairs to bedtime, and fitting in that morning hug before they run to catch the bus. These little gestures only take seconds but will accumulate, making your child feel that important connection.
Related: There’s No Such Thing as Giving Too Much Love to Your Child
It’s Okay To Remind Yourself To Show Affection
Recently, I watched a clip from the movie Trolls. The Trolls wore watches with alarm clocks that would go off every hour for “hug time.” My initial reaction was that hugs were becoming a task and less of an instinct. Yet, in today’s world, our watches tell us to take a deep breath! It is just an advanced way of the oven timer reminding us to check on our baking cookies. The difference is that our children do not need to see us reminding ourselves to hug them. Instead, set your reminders mentally or digitally for specific times in your day when you will give a hug, read a story, or snuggle up with them. Even five minutes will do wonders for the bond you are trying to grow with them.
Show Affection Even When Disciplining
Discipline does not have to come at the expense of connection. Another new wave of parenting style is the idea of positive parenting. I think this concept may hold some hints about how we should speak and act toward our children. Although positive parenting practices focus more on phrasing boundaries in positive ways, creating discipline, and teaching our children, we can take it further by incorporating more affection into our parenting styles.7
You can achieve this by using affection while disciplining your children. How? While explaining how their actions were a poor choice, touch them physically, perhaps by placing a hand on their shoulder or holding their hands. This gentle sign of affection will help them focus on you when teaching them about their behavior. It also subconsciously lets them know you are still there for them.
Related: Tips To Discipline Your Child With Love and Respect
Showing affection helps children feel connected, secure, and loved. Over time, these small moments teach empathy, emotional expression, and trust. In a world with less physical connection and more screen time, simple acts of affection can have a lasting impact.
