I’m Not a Lazy Mom, I am Freaking Exhausted and I Need Help

I'm Not a Lazy Mom, I am Freaking Exhausted and I Need Help | Baby Chick

I’m Not a Lazy Mom, I am Freaking Exhausted and I Need Help

I had family over to my house recently. It was an unexpected drop by visit, so I was in a social hostage situation if, we’re being precise.

I’d made big plans for my day to do a boatload of nothing with my babe; a makeshift “girl’s day” because my husband was out fishing. I’m an indoors enthusiast, and I pointed out that our 7-month-old didn’t really need to be out in the weather. It wasn’t even cold out, but boy does that make a fantastic excuse to stay in when I’m not feelin’ it!

At any rate, those plans to do nothing were quickly shat upon when the family dropped by. They pulled into my driveway, and I immediately panicked: the house was a disaster area. If you’ve ever had two parents with a full schedule and an infant who fills diapers and laundry baskets, you know the house is one of the first things to suffer (among sexy time, showering, and other such luxuries).

I hurried to the kitchen sink, balancing the baby on a hip. As I whipped out some wipes to rub all over everything. All the while praying to God I was taking too long to answer the door and they’d just leave. As it turns out, that virtuous patience gene didn’t skip my entire family: just me.

They came in, played with the baby, and stayed for a super casual two hours. Two hours of my sacred Saturday that consisted of my uncle asking why we don’t have cable twice, my cousins angsting over their phones, and my aunt glancing around and taking mental notes of the squalor we were living in. As they got up to leave and I excitedly walked them (or pushed them) towards the door, my aunt turned on one heel and said, “Look, I know you’re busy and all, but I think you’re getting a bit . . . lazy.

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It took every ounce of willpower within my soul to refrain from blurting out some equally harsh verbiage, but instead I wished them well and closed the door behind them. I closed my eyes and gulped back the hot tears I could feel forming in my throat: lazy.

She said “lazy” to me as though it was a helpful or constructive thing, rather than a truly-hateful-and-negative-ugly thing. She said she knew I was busy, but did she really?

Do you think she knew that my job had me pulled in all directions from 8:00am-5:00pm every weekday? Did she know I came home feeling spent, but had to conjure up some energy for the precious few moments I would get to play with/bathe/feed and rock my girl? Did she know that my husband would want me for a few moments. That I’d need to make something for dinner. Or that I would have deadlines for school and writing too? Did she know sleeping is more like worrying with my eyes shut for me, as anxiety never lets me feel fully rested? Lazy. It echoed the sentiments of a recent job performance I’d had—unintentionally implying my head wasn’t fully in the game. To be fair? It really wasn’t. But I left the meeting feeling down on myself, my abilities, and feeling like the laziest employee on the planet.

But here’s the thing:

I’m not lazy. I am just freaking exhausted.

This isn’t a plea for a lightened load or compliments, it’s a call to action for moms everywhere: we cannot adequately be everything for everyone every single day.

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Something’s gotta give, and we have to determine what area that sacrifice might come from. The sacrifices made might be spread out across the board, but giving 100 percent to everything in our lives is a dangerous path to embark upon, as it is an unsustainable system for a human being.

Moms are superhumans, as we’ve established already, but even superheroes get worn down if they’re not careful. We have great partners, sure: but don’t we deserve to rest? To have hobbies that allow us a few spare moments out of the house and in our own element? Don’t we deserve to actually be mindfully present in these moments with our families, instead of letting ourselves stress and exhaust things to death?

Too many questions, I know. But if there is one thing I want to reiterate, it’s that moms are the group of people that are the farthest from lazy. They’re simply spread too thin. I’ve never been an organized person in the ways I’d like to be. However my disorganized chaos represents a system that works for me. Despite the jokes of a dirty home, it’s merely untidy—I sanitize plenty of things with both a dog and a baby around. My standards are far different from those of others, and I’m still easing myself into the notion that this is okay. It’s okay to not have an “aesthetic.” It’s okay to put my child, my marriage, and my career above having the cleanest house. Above all else, it’s okay to lock the door and pretend you’re not home when you’d rather say “bye, Aunt Felicia.”

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About the Author /

Old mom to a chocolate lab and new mom to a baby girl, former teacher and current higher education professional.

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When you meet your baby(ies) and your whole world changes. 💕
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Instagram post 18110828746014338 The first year after baby is the leading time when marriages break up. The extra stress, lack of sleep, and major life changes can all contribute to communication breakdown and losing intimacy. 💔 That's why protecting relationships is such an important part of postpartum planning (done in pregnancy). Parenthood is an emotionally provocative experience. These heightened emotions help you tune into your baby's needs, but it can also help you tune into each other.⁠
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Speak your partner's love language in postpartum. Send this resource to your loved one so that they can make you feel loved and supported in a meaningful way.⁠
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Instagram post 17934950050319412 EXACTLY! 🙌 I wish more moms knew this and didn't feel pressured to say yes automatically to guests--of course, unless they want to! 😊 But you can always say no and not right now. Take your time to bond with your new baby. If you want people to come over, great! But don't feel bad if you don't and want more time alone with your family. People who love you should understand. ❤️⁠
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Instagram post 17857907638591275 Dinner time with toddlers can oftentimes be hectic and stressful. Sometimes they’ll eat what you’ve made them and other times they won’t. 😒 We’ve been there! This is why we are sharing two yummy dinner recipes that have been toddler approved that the whole family can enjoy—Taco Pizza and Stuffed Sweet Potatoes! 😋
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We substituted sour cream in these recipes with @stonyfield YoBaby yogurt because it provides not only the calcium they need, but also probiotics, protein and vitamin D! 👍 (Our pediatrician says our little guy needs 2-4 servings of dairy per day!) The yogurt still has that tangy flavor that you’re looking for but with even more benefits! Cheers to full tummies and happy families! 🙌 #ad #stonyfield
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Instagram post 18010968127252794 Did you know that in some locations there are Mother's Milk Banks (@austinmilkbank)? They are nonprofit banks that collect donor human milk for babies in need. We love mamas like @lololovelyco who are donating their milk while also breastfeeding! I wish I had made enough milk when I was breastfeeding my son to have done the same. But I'm so grateful for mothers who can! Spreading the love to all of you milk making mamas! 🤱💗⁠
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And if there is some toddler nonsense, remember you can eat their candy while they sleep. 😜⁠
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Instagram post 17882685211447052 Psycho moms have more fun. 🤣 But for real though, I would have been scared sh*tless if I was a child and this kid was in my class. 😱 #happyhalloween!
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Instagram post 17856924145605814 Your kids are listening. 👂 They are listening to everything that you're saying and are watching your body language and your behaviors even when you think they're not. If you want your children to be patient, you must practice patience. If you want your children to be kind, you must show kindness. If you want your children to share, to include others, etc., you must teach them and lead by example. “Do as I say not as I do” does not work. The greatest lessons are taught by action and if you want them to be great, give them something great to look up to. ❤️⁠
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Instagram post 18110876884020847 Of course you love being a mom. You love your kids. You love your family. And you would NEVER change any of it. But it's okay to acknowledge that motherhood is hard and that there are parts of it that we don't always love. This does not make us bad moms. We have limits, we get tired and we're human.⁠
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I think sharing only the beautiful sides of motherhood to women who don't have children does them a disservice. It's important to have an understanding of what the reality is like so if they decide to have a baby welcoming their little one and becoming a mom is not as jarring or eye-opening. It doesn't mean that we should fear-monger. It's just being honest about all sides of motherhood--the crazy, exhausting, beautiful and best thing ever. ❤️⁠
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