The digital age. That’s what they call it, right? This tech-savvy, tech-dependent world is where our children are growing up. Kids today often know how to log in to an iPad and scroll until they find Ms. Rachel on YouTube before they can utter their first word. But does screen time cause tantrums?
To our grandparents, the whole concept of screen time probably seems backward and wrong. But it seems like it’s just the way of things to us. There are, of course, many parents who still say no to the whole screen-time thing. And honestly, if it works for them, perfect. But for me, especially on the longest, coldest, rainiest days of being stuck in the house with a 4-year-old, 2-year-old, and newborn, you can be assured that my kids watch Paw Patrol and YouTube Kids and whatever else was available to get all of us through the day.
I’ll never judge a mom for allowing her kids screen time because I understand, and I’ve been there. However, as parents raising children in today’s digital world, we should consider how excessive screen time may affect our children and whether it contributes to tantrums.
Key Takeaways
- Excessive or highly stimulating screen use may contribute to mood, sleep, attention, and behavior challenges in some children.1,2,3
- Using screens as the primary way to stop big emotions may limit opportunities for children to practice emotional regulation.11,12
- Not all screen time is harmful, and age-appropriate content can have educational or entertainment value.2,8
- Consistent limits, advance warnings, and turning off autoplay can make transitions away from screens easier.9,13,14
- Parents can validate a child’s disappointment while still maintaining the screen-time boundary.6
Does Screen Time Cause Tantrums?
Research shows that too much screen time can overstimulate young brains and affect mood, sleep, and self-regulation.
Studies have linked excessive screen time with behavioral concerns, sleep disturbances, and other health issues.1,2,3 Research also suggests that excessive screen time may contribute to tantrums in some children, particularly when it affects emotional regulation or makes transitions away from screens more difficult.
“Excessive screen time has been linked to school problems, anger, aggression, frustration, depression, and other emotional problems,” Aditi Garg, MBBS, of Allina Health, explains: “Over-stimulation causes kids to have poor focus and depletes their mental energy, which often leads to explosive behavior.”10
Dr. Garg also notes that behavioral concerns may stem from:
- Less time for human interaction with family, friends, and nature
- Less time engaging in relaxing activities, like art, crafts, or reading
- Less time for fun, such as at the playground with friends
- Sleep disruption, which can cause mood disturbance and cognitive issues
- Lack of physical activity, which can also impact mood
When our kids spend too much time staring at highly stimulating screens instead of moving around, playing outside, interacting with others, or enjoying quieter activities, it can affect their mood and behavior.4 For some children, those effects may show up as irritability or tantrums.
Using Screens To Calm a Child May Lead to More Tantrums
It might feel like an easy fix in the moment, but using screens to soothe big emotions can make emotional regulation harder long-term.
A CNN Health article discusses what can happen when parents regularly use screens to calm children during tantrums or other “big emotions.”11 It explains that this approach may unintentionally reinforce tantrums as a way to gain access to screen time.
“When you see your 3- to 5-year-old having a tough emotional moment, meaning they are screaming and crying about something, they’re getting frustrated; they might be hitting or kicking or lying on the floor. … If your go-to strategy is to distract them or get them to be quiet by using media, then this study suggests that is not helping them in the long term,” says developmental-behavioral pediatrician Jenny Radesky, M.D., a professor of behavioral sciences at the University of Michigan Medical School.11
Dr. Radesky added, “There are two problems with distracting with media: It takes away an opportunity to teach the child about how to respond to difficult emotions, and it can reinforce that big displays of their difficult emotions are effective ways to get what they want.”
Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., makes a similar point in Parenting Science, explaining why relying on screens to cope with big emotions can become problematic.12 “Children end up with a very limited ability to handle difficult emotions,” she says in the article. “In essence, their emotion regulation ‘tool box’ contains a single trick: Soothe yourself with electronic entertainment devices. This could lead to further trouble. What if kids come to feel that screen time soothing is the only way to feel better? What if kids start showing signs of dependency and throw severe tantrums when they are asked to stop using electronic media?”12
How Too Much Screen Time May Affect Behavior
Prolonged exposure to rapidly changing screen content, such as certain television shows or games, may condition young children to expect high levels of stimulation. This may contribute to difficulty concentrating, hyperactivity, and cognitive or communication challenges, which can also make emotional regulation more difficult.5
Therein lies the struggle. Are kids melting down because they are too dependent on screens? Are we creating screen-dependent kids by letting them soothe with technology? Or are we stuck in a damaging cycle of both?
So, is all screen time bad for our children?
The short answer is no. Age-appropriate screen time can support digital literacy, problem-solving, and learning.2 Excessive screen time can be detrimental, and relying on it to cope with meltdowns in children’s lives isn’t necessarily the solution. However, as a mom of three, I’ll never chastise a parent for handing their kid the iPad to watch Bluey or letting their toddler play with their phone so Mom can talk with a friend over coffee.2
Blocking All Screen Access Is Unrealistic
Completely avoiding screen-based technology isn’t realistic for many families. Schools use tablets, smartboards, and computers, even in preschool. Teachers and administrators recognize the value of students working at their own pace, hands-on, via apps rather than completing worksheets or using traditional books. My children were learning how to create PowerPoint presentations with friends in their Google Classrooms in kindergarten, something I didn’t experience until high school!
And look at the world. Are you going to a restaurant? You might need to order your food via your phone. Parking in the city? Need an app for that. Are you wondering how to get to your kids’ tournament next weekend and where the closest hotel is? Need to pay a bill? Find a reputable contractor? Check in at urgent care? Apps. Computers. Smartphones. Screens.
Our kids are growing up in this world, so becoming comfortable with technology is part of modern childhood. But does that mean it’s healthy for a 3-year-old to spend 10 hours a day watching TV or using a tablet? Probably not. Like most things in parenting, the goal is finding a healthy balance.
Related: How to Take Control of Your Family’s Screen Time
Finding the Middle Ground To Manage Tantrums
A healthy balance is possible, and you can make screen time less stressful and more meaningful for your child.
So how do we find a middle ground? The Child Mind Institute suggests educational programs on PBS, such as “Sesame Street,” or open-ended apps like “choose your own adventure” games for young children. My kids love watching Bear Grylls and choosing his steps as he goes on adventures. They interacted and learned all kinds of survival skills and fascinating nature facts!8
Shows and apps like these mean your little one is out of your hair for a hot minute while they’re learning about empathy, kindness, and even amazing animals and plants that live in the sea. That’s a win all around.
However, the same article advises parents to also remember that entertainment is just that: entertainment. Not every second of your child’s day needs to be structured or educational. Just like adults, kids also enjoy relaxing and watching TV. So next time your preschooler wakes you up before the sun, plop them in front of an episode of “Daniel Tiger,” and don’t feel guilty about it for a second.
Related: Best Educational Cartoon Shows for Toddlers
How To Manage Screen-Time-Related Tantrums
Tantrums are part of growing up, but these strategies can help your child handle transitions and develop better self-control.
Most experts agree that children must express their emotions and see and hear us validate them. Just like we get frustrated when things don’t go our way, so do they. That doesn’t mean we give in, though. That means we get down to their level, look them in the eye, and calmly say, “I know it’s hard when we have to turn off the iPad. It’s okay to feel upset.”
But we hold the boundary. The iPad is still turned off. We validate that it’s normal and okay to be sad about it.6
Healthy Little Sleepers discusses the importance of recognizing and understanding their big emotions. “They’re mad and upset at having to stop something they were enjoying, and on top of that, they’re dealing with a genuine dopamine surge and reeling brain,” the article explains. “Help them come down from that crash by connecting with them and acknowledging that you know they’re having a hard time.” 8
Responding to their anger with our own usually only escalates the situation and makes it harder to help them understand why it’s time to take a break.
Related: How to Show Love to Your Kids When Angry
Tips for Healthier Screen-Time Habits
You’ve empathized with their anger and frustration. What’s next? How do you and your child move forward with a healthy screen-time relationship that has limits?
Here are some tips to help your child develop healthy screen habits.9,13,14
- Set and maintain consistent rules regarding the amount of screen time allowed.
- Don’t use screen time as a reward or punishment.
- Help choose what your child watches and, when possible, watch with them.
- Give your child something to do both inside and outside the home, such as chores or activities.
- Be a role model and follow the same rules you set for your children.
Tell your toddler ahead of time that they can watch two episodes of “Elmo,” and then it will be time to turn it off. Setting that expectation ahead of time can make screen time easier to end. Parents may also find it helpful to turn off autoplay on streaming devices. Seeing another episode begin just as they’re told it’s time to stop can make the transition even harder. When a show ends without another episode starting automatically, the stopping point feels much clearer for young children.
Remember that young children are still learning how to understand and manage their big feelings. If your child melts down in front of Grandma over turning off Bluey, it’s okay. Tantrums over screen time are completely normal. You’re still a good parent.
And trust me, if Grandma had a tablet when her kids were little, she would’ve handed it over in a heartbeat to keep them entertained, too. What matters most is balance, connection, and giving yourself grace. You’re doing great, and you’ve got this.
