Throughout my first pregnancy, I did all the research. Or at least I thought I did. I read every article about natural labor, sleep schedules, and the “right” baby gear. But two years and two babies later, I now know that nothing can fully prepare you for new parenthood.
Research can only take you so far. There is so much I wish I had known before becoming a mom, and I hope these reflections offer comfort and perspective as you navigate your own journey.
Related: What I Wish I’d Known With My First Baby
My Advice for New Parents That I Wish I Had Known
These reflections come from real experience and are meant to offer reassurance, perspective, and support as you find your own way in new parenthood.
Having a baby will change you physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s OK not to ‘bounce back’ to who you were before. Give yourself grace.
After carrying my firstborn past 41 weeks, the last thing I wanted to endure was an emergency C-section following grueling labor. I’d worked so hard to have my body in the best shape possible leading up to delivery, but suddenly, I had to be OK with not being able to get out of bed by myself for a bit.
I might have “bounced back” briefly before my next pregnancy, but my twice-built scar reminds me that my body is forever changed. My heart is forever changed, though, too. Looking back, I’m proud of what I’ve been through and would go through it again for my babies. I only wish I had been gentler on myself in the beginning.
Everyone will have opinions, but that doesn’t mean they should all impact your parenting decisions. Take what others say with a grain of salt.
Just because someone has “been there” before you doesn’t mean they’ve got all the answers for you. Before my first baby, I wish I had known how judgmental people would be with everything. From baby names to breastfeeding versus formula, co-sleeping versus crib sleeping, to staying home versus returning to work. My advice to new parents is to remember that what others think bears no weight on your decisions for your children and family. I’m much more content this way.
Your parental instincts will almost always be right. Trust your intuition. It’s there for a reason.
My daughter was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that caused her to become very ill within months. I spent countless days pleading with her pediatrician to believe there was more going on than something a standard over-the-counter prescription could fix. Sure enough, she needed a three-part biopsy and a total lifestyle and dietary overhaul to get on the path toward healing.
The day before I went into labor with my son nearly two months early (without any known reason), I begged my husband to join me for a private ultrasound as I knew something was off. A mother’s intuition is one of your greatest assets as a parent. My advice to new parents: lean into and listen to your intuition.
It’s not selfish to prioritize yourself sometimes. It’s necessary.
It can be easy to lose yourself in motherhood. But your children need you to show up as your best self just as much as you do (and vice versa). Before having my first baby, I wish I had known how much of a difference the simple act of getting out of the house solo, even for an hour, can make every now and then. Make time for yourself sooner rather than later to avoid burnout. Your kiddos will be alright, and you’ll be better off for it. Trust me!
There is no universal handbook for raising babies. Do your best and adjust as needed.
My firstborn was almost completely contact-napped for the first year and a half of her life. My second child enjoys nursing to sleep and then stretching out in his crib. Had I followed baby sleep advice “by the books” for either of my babies, neither of their individual sleep needs would’ve been met.
I wish I had known how to tune out all the noise telling me what I “should have been” doing in those early days of being a mama. Babies aren’t robots; they’re individuals with their own needs. My advice for new parents is not to stress if what works for you and yours isn’t what you see your friends (or social media influencers) doing. You do know your baby best.
Things won’t always go as you expect them to. You are stronger than you know. Believe it and seek support when you need it.
I didn’t expect my son to be born prematurely. I also didn’t anticipate him spending a combined five weeks in the NICU and PICU throughout his newborn days. I couldn’t have predicted splitting so much time between my two babies, one at home and one in the hospital. I never imagined seeing one of my tiny humans intubated and on a ventilator, fighting for his life with RSV.
Having a baby will test you in ways you never expected, but navigating each phase will reveal how strong you are. Leaning on your village – or creating one if you don’t have one in the traditional sense – will help, too. Regardless, the trials are most often temporary. When the going gets tough, trust in the process. You are the best mom for your babies. Go easy on yourself.
There are countless resources offering advice for new parents, but none of them can speak to your exact experience. If I could go back and tell myself anything before becoming a mom, it would be to trust my instincts, give myself grace, and surround myself with support.
Your journey will have challenges and surprises, but it will also be full of moments that teach you just how strong and capable you are. Be gentle with yourself. You are the best parent for your baby.
