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Mom Friends, I’m Sorry Being a Mom Has Made Me Distant

Closeup of two mom friends embracing on a park bench.

by Quinn Kelly

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

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Dear mom friends, I need to tell you something that’s been on my heart for a while. And I’m ready to get it off my chest: I’m sorry being a mom has made me distant. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I know I’m not the same girl I was when we first met. The truth is, this motherhood thing has been a rollercoaster of emotions and it has been harder than what I expected. Yet much better than I could have ever known too. But the balance of parenting and staying connected with mom friends hasn’t been as easy as I thought. And I think I haven’t… Read More

Dear mom friends,

I need to tell you something that’s been on my heart for a while. And I’m ready to get it off my chest:

I’m sorry being a mom has made me distant. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I know I’m not the same girl I was when we first met. The truth is, this motherhood thing has been a rollercoaster of emotions and it has been harder than what I expected. Yet much better than I could have ever known too. But the balance of parenting and staying connected with mom friends hasn’t been as easy as I thought. And I think I haven’t realized that until now.

Honestly, parenting has taken pieces of my energy and heart that I didn’t know existed. And it’s pushed me to greater lengths than any love ever has in both good ways and in hard ways. But it’s also made me distant from you too. And for that, I want to say I am sorry. I promise I still love you with all my heart. And I need you. My love for you just doesn’t look the same because I’m not the same girl I once was. Instead, I’m a girl with kids surrounding her day and night and only so much energy to give.

I used to be the girl that was always up for a night out.

I loved to get fancy and dress up. I would send the text asking what restaurant we were going to and what place you wanted to go dancing after. Always the last to leave the gathering and the first to text you about the craziness the next day. But it’s been a while since we’ve had that kind of night. But I still haven’t forgotten. I love those memories with all my heart. I love my memories with you.

I know I also used to be the girl that would text you all day. And tell you every detail of my life and every thought in my brain. I would ask for your advice about every detail of my life. And I would ask you what you were making for dinner. Then show up at your door asking if you wanted to go and get your nails done. And you would always say yes!

But it’s been a while since we’ve done those things. Yet you’re still the person I think of when my nails look like they’re in need of some love. And you’re still the first girl I think of to text when I’m not distracted by a baby in my arms or a toddler at my feet. I promise.

Remember, I was the girl that said that we can’t ever settle down?

And that we have to stay adventurous. I would tell you all the reasons that we can’t stop being spontaneous and all the reasons why staying in is boring when you would tell me you didn’t want to go out. You always went along with my antics and I still love you for it. I laugh when I think about some of those nights. And the girl that I was once was.

But man, that girl I was once has changed so much. I remember her. But I see her from a distance rather than up close. Because the girl I see in the mirror now can never find her phone because it’s lost in a pile of diapers. And now I’m the girl that’s more up for a night in of quiet time after my kids fall asleep and Netflix marathons that I can watch in my yoga pants. I still love to dance but feel more comfortable doing that while I shower. And I love to talk with friends, but I find myself more content than ever to sit in the quiet once all the chatter stops.

Even though everything has changed, you’re still there.

Despite all the crazy changes in our lives, there you are to check on me. And love on me. And text me still. Even when it takes me several days to text back. You are there to invite me out even after I say no three times in a row. You still keep asking until I say yes. And for that, I just have to thank you.

Because you give me what I need in a time that I’m not able to be who I once was. And you don’t judge me or get mad now that being a mom has made me distant. You just love me through it all. And I want you to know, that I’m sorry my style of living has changed. But my love for you has not.

Dear sweet friend, thank you for letting me be distant. And for letting me love my new self. My new better self. You are not just better as a mom friend, instead, you are the best.