Not sure how to help your child after a tough day? You are not alone. These simple strategies can help them process emotions and feel supported.
When children have a tough day, their emotions can spill over into tantrums, moodiness, or withdrawal. Unlike adults, they do not yet have the tools to process those feelings. Here is how you can help your child work through a difficult day with support and understanding.1
Key Takeaways
- Kids do not naturally know how to process tough days
- Emotional support helps build long-term coping skills
- Listening and empathy are often more helpful than fixing
- Teaching coping strategies prepares them for future challenges
How To Help Your Child After a Tough Day
When your child has a difficult day, your response can shape how they learn to understand and manage their emotions over time.
1. Be There for Them
Every child needs a safe place to land. They need to know without question they have someone to turn to for comfort. It is your job to be that person. This can be referred to as secure attachment, where a child is confident in the knowledge that not only will their parent be present for them and engaged, but that they can seek comfort and safety from them.2 Securely attached children are more empathic, less disruptive, less aggressive, and more mature, which tells us how important it is to be a safe landing space for our little ones and their big feelings.3
Whether they need a big hug or a bit of a cry before they can talk to you about their day, let them know that’s okay. Sometimes, all it takes is a mom or dad’s comforting presence to help a child calm down. Being there for them is the first step in helping them to get through anything.
Related: Calming Strategies for Kids (Psychologist-Recommended)
2. Remind Them It’s Okay To Have a Tough Day
Everyone has bad days. We all suffer at one point or another from a terrible day. Whether it’s from our own mistakes or attitudes or someone else’s decisions, everyone has a rough go of it. And it’s okay. Remind your child that tough days will happen and how we respond to tough times makes all the difference. Assure them that even mom and dad have bad days sometimes. They are not alone, and you will help them work through it.
3. Let Them Vent About Their Day
Sometimes, all we need is someone to listen. We need someone to witness our frustration and let us know it’s normal to feel like we do. Let your child share what is bothering them if they want to. Did they get bullied at school? Did they hurt someone’s feelings? Are they feeling left out or pressured? Did they have to share when they didn’t want to? Did they fail an important test? Whatever has them feeling down, encourage them to talk about it with you so you can process it together.
Related: Emotional Literacy Is Critical To Kids Identifying Their Emotions
4. Empathize With How They’re Feeling
Children can have big emotions about things adults see as insignificant. And in the grand scheme of things, perhaps their struggle is silly or unimportant to us. To them, however, it is a huge deal. And we must be aware of and empathetic to how they are feeling, regardless of how we view it. Let your child tell you how they feel, then explain that you understand their feelings. Children learn by witnessing or experiencing things firsthand, so when you model how to name and manage their feelings, they can learn coping strategies and develop the skills to become empathic.4
For example, my son came to me the other day and said he was sad because his siblings left him out. I asked him to explain the situation. He said he wanted to play a particular game, but his siblings wanted to play another one. So, they played it without him. I tried to be empathetic by responding, “I understand you feel left out. It’s frustrating when you want to play something no one else wants to play. That must make you feel sad.” He agreed. I then offered a solution.
“I know you want to play this certain game, but if they don’t want to play that right now, you can’t force them to do it. How about you let them play what they’re playing for 10 minutes? If you want to join them in their game, you should! But if you don’t, let’s find something else you like to do for that 10 minutes. Then we can ask them if they want to play your game next. Can we try that?” My son felt validated by my understanding of his frustration. And we came up with a solution he could live with. For us, this strategy worked that day!
Related: How To Respond to Toddler Tantrums With Empathy
5. If They Made a Mistake, Talk It Through
Often, kids can be hard on themselves for making a mistake. If they get in trouble or feel embarrassed for messing up, it can affect their mood and self-esteem for the rest of the day, if not longer. It’s our job as parents to help them understand that making mistakes is expected and how we learn to do better. Encourage your child to talk about their mistake and how it makes them feel. Then, guide them in how to respond. Do they need to apologize? Is there someone they need to forgive? Should they do something differently next time? Talk it out. Then, tell them how proud you are of them for admitting their mistake and thinking of ways to learn from it!
6. Help Them Prepare for Future Tough Days
The sooner children learn to cope with tough days, the more confident they will become over time. When your child has had a tough day, it’s important to remind them that bad days will happen. But our kids also need to learn how to problem solve. You can do this by helping them strategize for future bad days so those situations won’t be so hard to handle.5
Talk with your child about techniques to help them calm down and get through the day. Do they need to be alone for a few minutes? Do they need to do an activity to take their mind off things (reading, coloring, going for a walk)? Maybe they need to talk to mom or their teacher privately. Whatever they think they might need to get through a bad day, help them make a plan for coping.
Related: The Importance of Social-Emotional Development in Children
7. Remind Them They Are Loved
Just as they need to know you are there for them, they also need to know they are loved.6 No matter what. Kids need to know they will not lose your love by having a tough day. After you sit down and walk through these steps with them, don’t forget to give them a nice, long hug and tell them you love them. Always. Without condition.
Helping your child navigate a tough day is not about fixing everything for them. It is about guiding them as they learn to understand their emotions and respond in healthy ways.
With your support, they will build the confidence and skills they need to navigate challenges now and in the future.
