I am the oldest of four siblings, and my mother always said she wished she could have thrown me away and let me return to another position in the family. I never entirely understood that, but it now seems clear as my children have grown. My oldest son is 15, and as I look at him, I realize that as a mom, there are things I wish I had done differently.
Motherhood changes us. With time, perspective, and a whole lot of humility, we begin to see what truly mattered and what we wish we had handled with more grace.
These are the reflections that have stayed with me — the things I wish I had known earlier, and the lessons I carry with me now.
What I Wish I Had Done Differently As a Mom
I was 29 when I had my first baby, and I just wanted to get it right — all of it. But the truth is, I didn’t know what it meant to get it right. Despite what we may be told, what is right for one mom and child isn’t necessarily right for everyone else. With time, experience, and a lot of humility, I’ve learned that motherhood is full of lessons — some beautiful, some hard. These are the things I wish I had done differently.
I Wish I Had Accepted Earlier That Breastfeeding Wasn’t Going to Happen
I wish I hadn’t agonized over the fact that breastfeeding didn’t work well for me. I somehow thought they would be milk-making machines just because I have naturally large breasts. I assumed my son would latch and everything would be perfect. Instead, it didn’t come naturally. I hated it and gave up. I wish I had given myself grace early on and embraced that breastfeeding wouldn’t be part of our journey. Life would’ve been much easier.
Related: I Didn’t Enjoy Breastfeeding . . . And That’s Okay (opinion)
I Wish I Hadn’t Worried So Much About My Home’s Messiness
I wish I hadn’t worried that my house was too messy for people to come over. For some reason, I felt people would judge me because my home isn’t always Instagram-worthy. We have a large family, and things often turn into a disaster. Kids don’t care, including other people’s kids. So why did I? I wish I had let my kids be kids without getting bogged down by extra laundry and dirty dishes. Life is too short to worry about what other people think.
I Wish I Had Planned for Children Earlier
I wish I had planned to have kids in my 20s and not spent my money selfishly. Yes, this would have taken a lot of preplanning and is likely unrealistic, but knowing what I know now, I would’ve liked to have been a stay-at-home mom to my oldest kids. I was able to do it with the younger two, but I feel like I missed out on time with the older boys because I wasn’t financially in a position to stay home with them. Perhaps I could’ve had more time with them if I had worried less about going out for dinners and drinks and having the best clothes and shoes.
I Wish I Didn’t Worry About Comparing Myself to Other Moms
I wish I hadn’t gotten so wrapped up in keeping up with other moms. I blame much of this on social media, and that my older children were born right as the world started to live online in front of everyone. I spent too much time comparing myself to others. Social media isn’t great for a mom’s mental health, particularly if she is going through a rough patch. I struggled at home, obsessing over what appeared to be perfect kids online. I found myself wanting to be those moms and not myself. I wish I had never allowed those intrusive thoughts inside.
Related: The Motherhood Comparison Trap: Don’t Fall In
I Wish I Hadn’t Yelled As Much As I Had
Another thing I wish I had done differently is I wish I wouldn’t have yelled so much. This one hurts. And even though I know all parents get upset and lose their cool, I feel so guilty that I am the mom who did it too much. My kids are good and didn’t deserve me to take my frustrations out on them. I would take a much calmer approach to parenting and see things from their perspective. A bit of empathy could’ve gone a long way.
I Wish I had Let Others Help Me
I wish that I had delegated more. I tried to do it all on my own. It wasn’t because I wanted to, but I felt I needed to. That was silly. I’ve had a loving husband by my side on this journey the entire time, and he helped when I asked, but I didn’t always. Instead, I would take it all on and get stressed out. I should’ve doled out responsibility much sooner than I did.
I Wish I Did More of Nothing
I wish that I had spent more time just doing nothing. I feel like my kids have had many great experiences, including family vacations and trips to the zoo. While all of that is awesome, and I love it, I am not even sure they know how to play checkers. That may seem silly, but I wanted to pack it all in, and I lost a few of the simple joys.
I Wish I Ignored the Experts
I wish I hadn’t listened to all the experts. I wanted to be sure I was doing what the best-selling authors and influencers said was best when I should’ve listened to my heart. Sometimes a mom’s intuition is better than someone who claims to be the best of the best. I wasted time trying to make my children into people they are not because the experts said we should do things a certain way. That was foolish.
But thankfully, all is not lost. I still have time to correct some things I may have done wrong as a mom. Do my kids love me? Without a doubt. Did they grow up in a home with more laughs than tears and meals together instead of in separate corners? Absolutely. Did they know how to tie their shoes at an appropriate age? Questionable. And that is okay.
They may not be little, but I am still their mom, and I hope we have many years left to make beautiful memories. I want to yell less, laugh more, and welcome them in — whether our home is clean or a mess.
If I am lucky enough to be a grandmother someday, I hope to pass along the lessons I learned and finally do some of the things I wish I had done differently as a mom. Maybe even teach a grandchild the double jump on a checkerboard on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
