Mom, what is that on the back of your leg? My second son asked as I was curling my hair.
What do you mean, honey? I replied.
Those dots on your leg. What are they? Daddy doesn’t have them.
As I turn and see my cellulite in the mirror, I laugh. Oh, that’s cellulite, Sweetie. And it’s something that girls have on their legs. But never say anything other than it’s beautiful, even if you don’t love it.
“Then, Mom, your leg is really, really beautiful.” My son replied.
We both laughed.
What It Means to Be the Only Woman in a House of Boys
Raising sons.
Some consider it a misfortune. And some consider it just bad luck. But I’ve always considered it an honor to be the only girl in a house of boys. Four boys and a husband, to be exact.
I consider it an honor to be the one with painted toes. And makeup, pink pajamas, and perfume. I consider it an honor to be the one with dresses and heels. And girlfriends. And tears at cheesy movies as they wipe my face and ask why I’m crying at an old movie called “Beaches.”
But lately, I’ve been thinking that being the only girl is more than just an honor. Instead, it’s an important role that I don’t want to brush off as something that just makes me feel good. It will have such a bigger impact than just that.
It’s My Job to Teach Them About Women
My four sons come to me and ask questions. And they expect answers. You see, I am their point of reference for understanding the opposite gender. And it’s a sweet role. But one that matters because I am the one teaching them about what women are and aren’t. I am the one they are asking to understand how women think and operate. And how and why, at times, we behave so differently from our male counterparts. But also act just like them at other times.
So I want to teach them well because one day, there will be another lady in their life. And on that day, I want that lady to know I was thinking of her when I spoke about womanhood to my sons.
Five Truths Boy Moms Should Teach Their Sons
Raising boys to be kind, empathetic, and respectful starts with what we model and teach. Here are the truths I want my sons to carry with them.
1. Women’s bodies are powerful.
My sons often notice my body is different than theirs. They ask why I seem softer than their dad and a host of many other things. They have watched me breastfeed four children. And know that my breasts don’t look quite the same as the breasts of women they see elsewhere. So we talk about that. And how women’s bodies change through the years as children grow in them and leave them. We discuss how that is natural and how all parts of the process in the body can make a woman look different, yet be equally beautiful. And to accept beauty as it changes through the years.
2. Women are not the weaker gender.
We also discuss that while men and women do not have the same body parts, we are both strong. Big muscles and being tall are one way for someone to seem strong. But growing a baby, pushing the baby out, and feeding the baby are ways to be very strong, too. So we discuss being careful never to imply that women are weaker than men. I also mention that I know some women who are stronger than their dads. So, it’s all a matter of perspective and not to assume all women are just like me.
We often discuss mental strength as well. And we talk about the fact that sometimes society implies women need protection. And I tell them that while I do like to be taken care of by their father, there are times when I also take care of their dad. We discuss the notion that sometimes women are braver than men, but that sometimes women want their husbands to come in and protect them. They tell me it’s confusing, and I tell them that communication and asking questions are where understanding begins. So they ask more. And I answer.
I refuse to let my sons leave my house thinking they are of a stronger gender. Yet, I want to encourage them to be as strong as they can be. As well as tender too. I tell them I like strong men. And men with big hearts. And I pray that they will also like strong women.
3. Women are smart.
I am a stay-at-home mom (mostly), but I was also valedictorian at my high school and received a full ride to college, and I graduated with all A’s in my Master’s program. And I let my sons know that. Not because I’m obsessed with my past, but because they have seen their mom stay home and care for them, and I don’t want them to think that my choice to watch them means I lack intelligence.
We also discuss that just because some moms stay home doesn’t mean they aren’t smart. And that Dads stay home too. I even tell them, “Your wife might be smarter and more successful than you.” I want them to know that being smart doesn’t belong to one gender. It lands on who works to succeed.
4. Women deserve respect.
My sons are at an age where they find women pretty. And I tell them that’s perfectly natural and normal. However, we also emphasize the importance of respecting women’s bodies through our eyes, words, and actions. I always tell them to think of the things they would want their dad to say about me. And to follow suit with their words as they grow. They laugh, but they get it.
We discuss how certain aspects of the opposite gender draw us to them, while others seem unusual and different. And it’s okay to ask questions. And to notice. But never to put down the opposite gender. And to never treat a pretty girl like someone who isn’t equal to them. Or to never treat a girl they don’t think is pretty as unequal to another girl. It makes sense to their little brains.
5. Not everyone fits stereotypes.
I will admit that I do fall into some pretty classic gender stereotypes. However, I teach my sons that not all women are the same, nor are all men. While I want them to know that sometimes I am an emotional mess, that doesn’t mean all women fall into that category. Just because I like big jewelry doesn’t mean all women do. And sometimes, even men like to wear jewelry, too.
It’s essential to me that my boys understand that, although we may not be the same gender, we are different yet equal, and those differences should be acknowledged, respected, and celebrated. My hope is that one day, if they marry a woman like me or someone completely different, they’ll know how to love and appreciate her deeply, one thoughtful question and moment of understanding at a time.
As boy moms, we hold the incredible responsibility of shaping the next generation of men. When we lead with compassion, honesty, and respect, our sons learn to honor the people in their lives with the same kindness.
My hope is that one day, whether they love someone like me or someone very different, they will understand how to appreciate her deeply, ask thoughtful questions, and value her for exactly who she is.
