My Not-So-Dirty Little Secret to Being a Better Mom

My Not-So-Dirty Little Secret To Being A Better Mom | Baby Chick

My Not-So-Dirty Little Secret to Being a Better Mom

As a stay at home mom, I’ve often felt as if I’ve been backed into a corner of having to “be it all” and “do it all” in the eyes of others. My family never placed that pressure on me, rather I suppose I created it myself and/or felt it from fellow mothers. I’ve often felt like asking for help or even just taking a break would be taken as a sign that I’m unfit to run a household and raise babies as a full time gig. People would remark about how clean my home was, how put together my kids’ outfits were and how organized I was. And because I truly enjoy all of those things it made me feel incredible that my efforts were appreciated and recognized. What I didn’t appreciate were the bags under my eyes from staying up all night to get it all done. I hit a wall.

The high of being a super mom was an addiction, but I was exhausted. So I thought about my options. Sure, I could let the house go. I could let the dishes pile in the sink and not worry about the dog hair on the couch. I could ask friends to turn the other way when they stopped by for coffee or play dates. Except that I couldn’t. It’s just not in my DNA to ignore a mess. I guess I could quit volunteering at the preschool. I mean all of those holiday parties really do take up a ton of time. If only seeing those smiling faces didn’t make my heart skip a beat! Well, maybe my husband won’t notice if we just start going out for every meal. Who wouldn’t love PIZZA everyday, right? But then I’d feel guilty about the lack of nutritional value. There are just some non-negotiable things I just wasn’t willing to sacrifice. Not to mention all of the things I was craving more time for, like working out, date nights and bible studies. So one year ago, I decided to try something different than my usual routine… And I was hooked.

In the beginning I thought I could just try it out. Just every once in awhile when I really needed a boost. It was my little secret and I didn’t want anyone to know. If someone found out, I was certain they’d judge. I couldn’t tell anyone that was completely addicted… Addicted to freeing up my schedule so I could soak up every minute of motherhood.

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It started with a woman who came to clean our house every other week. Then we welcomed a puppy into our home and decided once a week cleanings just made more sense. (He sheds like crazy, but we love our furball!) I was able to briefly pick up at the end of each day and could sleep soundly knowing my house was tidy, so I was able to begin going to bed at a decent hour. It’s amazing what a full night’s rest can do for you. I was calmer during the day, able to let go a little more and play with my littles without looking around the house itemizing a list in my head of what needed to be done. I was able to fully engage in the “now” and it was glorious. Being well rested can change your attitude in a HUGE way.

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Once the sleep deprived brain fog had lifted, I began to seek out other ways to take back my time. My new addiction? Being an efficient, happy mama and passionate wife. I found a laundry service that picks up and delivers for no additional cost, so no more trips back and forth to the dry cleaners several times a week. I also found an app that will deliver organic groceries to your door the same day you place your order — perfect for those days where you need one or two things but hate to interrupt your day’s happenings with a grocery shopping trip. Sure, it’s a little more expensive than going to pick it up yourself, but how could I put a price on my time with my babies? The new me was working smarter, not harder. She was fully immersed in the presence of her kids and husband. She had more time to take care of her personal health, to get those check ups she’d been putting off, and to get a haircut more than once a year. She had found that finding some helping hands didn’t just make her the best possible version of herself, but that opening her heart to other caring people allowed her to create her own “village” that her family would grow to love just as much as she did. But this new me, despite her new attributes as a mother… Well, she felt awful guilty.

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I pondered this new ridden guilt for a while, and I realized that being a stay at home mom doesn’t absolve me from the same issues a working mom faces. Does the working mom feel bad about someone else shampooing the carpets so she can take her daughter out for ice cream? Probably not. Do working dads ever feel remorse about calling a lawn crew, so he can attend his son’s soccer tournament in lieu of laying new mulch in the flower beds? I’m guessing he doesn’t. I think as SAHMs, we’ve put an undue stress upon ourselves to carry the weight of the world for our families, and in that assumption that we have to do it all, all by ourselves, we’ve lost the “village” and gained a guilt complex.

I had to break the cycle of keeping secrets. I was no longer going to criminalize myself for doing what I felt was best for my little family. So I decided, the next time someone asks me, “How do you get it all done?” I was simply going to tell them, “I don’t.”

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The honesty was liberating and soon I began shouting to the roof tops to all of my mama friends, singing the praises of coordinating a babysitting swap for a kid-free date night, referring them to my favorite housekeeper to save their sanity prior to their mother-in-law’s upcoming visit, practically BEGGING them to join the completely blissful time-saver that is Amazon Prime. Trust me, by their first diaper delivery they were hooked. I’m sure there have been some sideways glances, but I’m able to let that go now because I’m confident I’m doing the right thing for us.

I’m aware that not everyone gets the opportunity to seek hired hands to help out with the more mundane tasks. It’s not lost on me that this is a privilege that I’m incredibly grateful for. But I do hope that even if paying for help isn’t something you would consider, perhaps this will release you from the guilt of simply asking for it. From your partner, a family member or best girl friend who “gets it”. It’s my sincere hope that all mom’s, working, staying home or otherwise are allowed a free pass every now and then to put down the to do list and pick up their babies.

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About the Author /

Sarah Ring is a small business owner living in Dallas with her husband of ten years. She is a mother to two elementary aged sons and one toddler daughter. She is passionate about travel, date nights, Southern manners & traditional children’s clothing but above anything else, finding grace in motherhood is her greatest accomplishment!

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Love you but you have worn me out and I'm done. Ea Love you but you have worn me out and I'm done. Early bedtime tonight. Night night. 👋😘😂⁠
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Let’s talk about potty training! It’s one of those monumental milestones we mamas walk through with our toddlers that make them suddenly seem like they went from babies to tiny little humans overnight. And, while it can be an exciting time (and a time to save some serious cash by ditching diapers), it can also come with lots of stress. 🙃 From cleaning up potty accidents for what may seem like days (or even weeks) to wondering if you’ll ever be able to drive further than down the block without having to stop for a potty break 🤦‍♀️, potty training can be daunting.⁠
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I've been asked so many questions by men about fatherhood. So I figured I'd drop some knowledge on my fellow Dads and soon-to-be-Dads. Here's what it looks like for the first few weeks or months after your child is born. Yup. If mom breastfeeds they pretty much are tucked like this and at times you'll wonder "what is there for me to do?" Here are my top 5 tips for any Dad after your child is born.⁠
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1️⃣ For night feedings. When mom wakes up in the middle of the night, you get up and ask if she needs any help or water. The truth is most of the time she will say no but just the fact that you offered will go far.⁠
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2️⃣ Ask mom if she can pump and then pick 1 feeding that you will always do. Mom will take on almost everything and will burn herself out if you let her. At times you may have to force her to rest without worrying about the baby. This is an easy way to do that without a fight.⁠
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3️⃣ Don't put a time limit on how long mom breastfeeds the baby. It's not just about feeding your child it's about them bonding as well. I know everyone has a different length of time they will breastfeed and as a Dad, it's hard to fully understand. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try and rush this process. It's not our place and it's not safe. You will open yourself up to a fight you can't win.⁠
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4️⃣ Be patient. I know as a Dad the first few weeks we are equally excited and yet not as important. Your time will come faster than you know. Babies grow fast and the stronger and bigger they get the more Daddy Time will be coming your way.⁠
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5️⃣ Paternity leave! If you have it TAKE IT. The early stages of a child's life are not just for moms to enjoy. I know as men making the money especially after having a baby it's hard, but trust me. You can always make money but there are no instant replays in life. It doesn't make you more of a man to not take the leave. It's equally as important that you as a Dad get to be a part of the early development of your child. ⁠
If someone needs this info tag them ❤️⁠
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Absolutely love these tips from @chroniclesofdaddy. 🙌
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The postpartum period, or period of recovery that takes place after a mother gives birth, is an important time for mothers to take care of themselves. 🥰 Typically, if you’re less than 6 weeks postpartum you don’t want to put any pressure on your core muscles. Also, your body’s levels of relaxin, the hormone that loosens joints to prepare for childbirth, is elevated for 3-6 months after childbirth, and longer if you are breastfeeding. All this means is: take these postpartum yoga poses slowly and stretch yourself gently. No gymnastics here or pushing beyond what is comfortable.⁠
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Potty Training Tips! A step-by-step guide 🚽⁠ Potty Training Tips! A step-by-step guide 🚽⁠
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1️⃣ Look for signs of readiness:⁠
- Diaper dry for at least 1-2 hours.⁠
- Pulling at their diaper when its wet or soiled.⁠
- Hiding or fidgeting when going pee or poo in diaper.⁠
- Interest in others using the potty.⁠
- Waking up with a dry diaper after naps.⁠
- Telling you when they have gone pee or poo.⁠
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Potty training is much quicker if your child is showing the above signs, but you can start before this.⁠
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2️⃣ What you will need to buy:⁠
- Toilet seat insert to place on your toilet⁠
- Steps⁠
- Underwear (at least 10 pairs)⁠
- Foldable toilet seat (for when you are out of the house)⁠
- Piddle pad (for car journeys)⁠
- Waterproof shoes such as crocs, sliders, etc. (they can be rinsed and dried)⁠
- Not necessary but helpful: flushable wipes⁠
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3️⃣ Getting yourself and your child prepared:⁠
- Talk to your child about using the potty, maybe take them into the bathroom when you go and talk them through the process (e.g. wiping, flushing, and washing hands, etc.)⁠
- Practice pulling pants or shorts up and down.⁠
- Look on YouTube with your child at some potty training stories (e.g. 'I Want My Potty' and 'Pirate Pete's Potty')⁠
- Involve your child in choosing and buying everything you need - choosing character-themed underwear is usually very exciting!⁠
- Sit your child on the potty at every diaper change, first thing in the morning and just before bed to get them used to sitting on the toilet.⁠
- Teach your child the correct vocabulary or signs needed to communicate when they need to go potty.⁠
- Make sure you have plenty of spare clothes.⁠
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4️⃣ Let's get toilet trained:⁠
- Get your child to choose a pair of underwear and put them on.⁠
- Talk to them about using the toilet and communicating when they need to pee or poo. You can sit them on the toilet at this point if you wish.⁠
- Take your child to the toilet every 15/20 minutes. Say "let's go to the potty" rather than asking "do you want to go to the toilet" - if you ask, they are likely to say no! Also, look for signs like moving from side-to-side or hiding. These are normal signs that they might need to go potty.⁠
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(Continue reading in the comments!)
The Not-So-Easy Baby: Why Some Parents Have It Har The Not-So-Easy Baby: Why Some Parents Have It Harder Than Others⁠ 😢⁠
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Why are the parents of some infants relaxed and at ease while other parents are exhausted, guilty, and frustrated with raising their new infant? 😞 Is it because of their parenting skills or is it due to something else? Why do some parents have not-so-easy babies? {Click 🔗 in bio to continue reading!⁠}⁠
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Article by: Dr. Robert J. Hudson, M.D.
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