10 Parenting Habits To Avoid When Teaching Kids Respect

As parents, we want the very best for our children: for them to be happy, have strong and positive relationships, and succeed in life. Teaching our tiny humans respect can help them learn to consider other people’s feelings and build caring relationships.¹

Raising respectful kids takes practice, and it isn’t always easy. Children can disagree, feel angry, or say no while still treating others respectfully. Our role is to help them learn how to express themselves without hurting others.

10 Habits To Avoid When Teaching Respect

Here are 10 habits to watch for as you help your child learn to treat others with respect.

1. Don’t Be Inconsistent

Our children need us to be consistent so they can understand what we expect from them. If we’re inconsistent, it can confuse our little ones. We might see disrespectful behavior if our kids aren’t sure of the rules or how far they can push a boundary. Set clear, age-appropriate rules and boundaries, explain what you expect, and follow through consistently. This consistency helps them learn which behaviors are unacceptable and which rules to follow.^1,2

2. Don’t Model Bad Behavior

Our children are like little sponges. They’re constantly learning and taking in new information, including what they learn from us as parents. Children often copy and mimic their parents, and if you use mean words, disregard the rules, or are disrespectful to others . . . you can bet your bottom dollar that your child is seeing this! And at some point, you’re likely to see them emulating this behavior, too. So, be mindful of how you engage with other people around you (not just your child). This will help teach your child how (and why) it’s important to treat others with respect and empathy.³

3. Don’t Brush Aside Hurtful Behavior

Sometimes when our children behave disrespectfully (particularly in public), it can be tempting to ignore them or give in so you don’t create a scene and feel embarrassed. Address hurtful behavior, such as name-calling, and explain what your child can do differently. You don’t need to turn every complaint into a confrontation; listen to what happened and choose a response that fits the situation.^4,5

4. Don’t Overreact

Being consistent doesn’t mean you have to respond in the heat of the moment. If your child is safe, take a moment to settle yourself before addressing what happened. When a child (especially a teenager) is disrespectful, it can be easy to react with anger or frustration. However, if you overreact, it may escalate things and might even reinforce negative behavior (depending on how you react).

I know it’s hard, but try to remain calm and address the situation or behavior in a measured and constructive way. Explain which behavior crossed a boundary and what you expect instead.⁵

5. Don’t Avoid Consequences

It’s good to have clear rules, but without consequences, the rules themselves can be undermined. An effective way to prevent unwanted or rude behavior is to explain what will happen when a rule is broken. If your child disregards the rules, follow through calmly on an appropriate consequence. Consequences should relate to the behavior, suit your child’s age, and be explained in advance when possible. If a consequence is logical, it will make more sense to your child, and they’ll be better able to connect their behavior and the unwanted outcome.

For example, if they’re calling their sibling names, maybe they need some time to play solo. If they snatch a toy, have them return it and help them practice asking for a turn.^1,5

6. Don’t Overlook Respectful Behavior

Teaching respect isn’t all about the consequences; it’s also vital to recognize the power of positive reinforcement. When your child shows respect, empathy, or kindness, acknowledge what they did. For example: “You waited until your sister finished speaking. Thank you for listening.” Naming the behavior helps your child understand what to repeat and can help them feel good about their efforts.⁶

7. Don’t Forget About Teaching Empathy

Disrespectful behavior isn’t always intentional. Our little ones are still learning about the impact their behavior has on other people. So, ensure you teach your child about empathy. You can start by teaching them the words for different emotions so they can describe and understand a wide range of feelings. Also, point out when you recognize that emotion in yourself, your child, and others. This helps them make the link between their own internal experiences (emotions) and other people’s feelings.

You can also read books to help them gain perspective on different people’s experiences or discuss various scenarios to get them thinking about how others might feel in certain situations.¹

8. Don’t Underestimate the Influence of Peers

While you’re doing your best to raise your child to be compassionate and respectful, it’s wise not to underestimate their peers’ role in developing and influencing your child’s behavior. This becomes increasingly significant as kids grow older and become teenagers. If your child is playing with peers who demonstrate disrespectful behavior, they might begin to copy them to create connections or gain acceptance.

While we can’t always control who our child is friends with, we do need to keep a close eye on these behaviors. We want to encourage friendships with people who hold similar values regarding respect and kindness, and ensure our kids know how to say “no” or avoid peer pressure.⁷

9. Don’t Dismiss What Your Child Has To Say

Make time to listen when your child wants to tell you something, including when they disagree with you. Listening without brushing aside their concerns helps your child feel valued and understood. When children feel heard and acknowledged, it goes a long way toward reducing the likelihood of disrespectful behavior.^1,4

10. Don’t Forget To Look After You!

Being calm when responding to disrespect is critical in managing and reducing this kind of behavior in children. However, it’s pretty hard to stay cool, calm, and collected if you aren’t feeling like your best self.

Taking care of yourself and finding ways to manage stress can help you feel better equipped for the challenges of parenting. If you can manage your own stress and avoid taking things out on your child, you’ll be a great role model and provide the support your child needs to learn all about respect.⁸

Teaching respect takes time, and both you and your child will make mistakes along the way. Keep showing the behavior you want to see, listening to your child, and following through on clear boundaries. Start with one habit you’d like to work on and give yourselves room to practice.