There’s no doubt that mothers and sons share a special bond. But if you’re looking for hard science to qualify the special relationship between a mother and her son, you won’t find much. The closest I could find was a small study published in 2015 in which all mothers reported a high incidence of “disgust sensitivity” in the first trimester of pregnancy. This refers to feeling disgust or aversion to certain things, which is a first line of defense when it comes to illness and infection. (One of the reasons mothers can be so sensitive to foods is because we’re innately trying to protect our tiny growing babies from things that might harm them).1
However, only mothers bearing sons continued to report high levels of disgust sensitivity during the second trimester. The rationale was that male fetuses are more vulnerable. So, the aversions resulting from the mother’s ongoing disgust reflex (or aversion to pathogens) is a protective behavior to keep her more vulnerable male child safe.1 And I wonder if this might explain why moms remain innately watchful of their dear boys after pregnancy and beyond.
The Ancient Roots of the Mother-and-Son Bond
The mother-son bond goes beyond protective instincts in the womb. This unique relationship may result from the harmonious balance between opposite energies. Ancient cultures believed in the coexistence of the divine (or sacred) masculine and feminine forces. Psychiatrist Carl Jung noted that these contradictory forces are interconnected within each individual.2 I believe a mother can balance and magnify these energetic opposites (which coexist in each of us) in beneficial ways as she raises her son.
We still live in a gendered world. Despite the development of new norms and the dismantling of gender bias and inequality, children face the widespread cultural expectations of their particular gender. Boys are still expected to toughen up, be strong, and not show emotions.3 Girls are expected to care for others, be kind, and express their emotions with control. Mothers today have a tremendous opportunity to embrace their own “masculine” energy and enhance their sons’ “feminine” energy, resulting in more whole and well-rounded humans all around.
And there’s research suggesting that the mother-son relationship is vital in forming a masculine identity. Mothers are their children’s first teachers, and how they handle their sons’ emotional expression, nurture the behaviors they display, and model emotional regulation and values will have profound implications for how boys understand their emotions and identity. This can also affect whether boys either challenge or reinforce traditional masculine roles.3
The Benefits of the Mother-Son Bond
Let’s look at what becomes possible from the synergetic relationship between mothers and sons:
1. Creative Play
If you spend more than five minutes around a young boy, you’ll likely hear a loud roar or see them throw or kick something. This comes from the fiery masculine energy of “doing,” which we don’t need to suppress or minimize. We can balance it with the fluid, feminine energy of “being.” Mothers and sons can engage in gender-neutral pretend play, artistic or musical creations, dance, and role-play (including nurturing themes like caring for baby dolls) to complement more typically masculine play (building, sports, and rough play). This results in improved flexibility in the child’s problem-solving skills. It also leads to improved social skills, emotional regulation, and a greater understanding and acceptance of gender diversity in later life.4
2. Loving Communication
We see so many examples of strong masculine communication styles: confident, assertive, and logical, to name a few. These traits are beneficial to any child. But if they’re the only traits we focus on, the child may grow up to be controlling, dominating, and confrontational.5 A mother’s inherently gentle and tender communication style can teach her son that slowing down, listening, and asking questions are also powerful ways to communicate. Boys with mothers who actively use a warm, compassionate communication style are more likely to understand and be attuned to others’ emotions. They’re also more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors like helping peers in distress or displaying empathy to others.6
3. Affection
Childhood is all about connection, often physical affection. And boys need snuggles and hugs just as much as tickles and tackles.7 I’m not sure any mom would willingly stop kissing her boy’s forehead each night! So, moms get to continue offering love and affection, and their sons get to continue receiving it. In fact, research tells us that physical affection in the early years (particularly between a mother and son) is vital. It promotes social competency, positive attachment, and emotional stability, which benefits boys throughout their lives.7
4. Emotional Intelligence
Part of what makes mothers capable of caring for their children is their intuition, understanding, and emotional sensitivity.6 These traits help a mother tune in to her infant’s needs. The more empathetic and emotionally attuned we are, the more we feel seen, heard, and understood.6 Empathy is a superpower, but it shouldn’t belong to women alone. Mothers can offer empathy to their sons, validating all their emotions and normalizing their internal experiences. When boys receive this level of understanding, they no longer need to push away, numb themselves, or hide their big feelings.6 These boys grow into empathetic men who can see the emotional impact and logical reasoning in any situation. They’ll continue to trust their moms, seek their advice, and find consolation in their words because mothers are empathy experts. Mothers can give the unconditional love and acceptance that every child deserves.
Unfortunately, a mother may be one of the only people who can show her son that deep level of empathy in today’s world. Hopefully, the next generation will be full of moms and dads who naturally empathize with their children because that’s how they were raised!
A Relationship Like No Other
Every parent and child relationship is unique and brings so much joy and love to all. The dynamics of mother and son are intertwined in a truly remarkable way, and it’s a relationship that can bring out the best in each person. Mothers can harness their strength, protection, and action, while boys can embody their creativity, intuition, and emotions. This beautiful combination of “feminine” and “masculine” creates an easy and enjoyable balance between mother and son. I can’t prove it fully with science, but I know in my heart that it’s true.
