What Is Permissive Parenting? Pros and Cons

Learn what permissive parenting is, its pros and cons, and how it affects your child’s development, behavior, and emotional well-being.

Updated April 26, 2026

by Rachel Tomlinson

Registered Psychologist

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A woman with curly hair is combing the curly hair of a young girl who is leaning over a bathroom sink. They are both smiling, showcasing an indulgent parenting moment. The bathroom has white walls, a marble countertop, and one round and one square mirror above the sinks.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all develop our own parenting style based on our experiences, values, and the way we were raised.

Parenting style plays a significant role in a child’s development, and many parents want to understand how their approach may impact their child’s behavior, relationships, and well-being. One of the most recognized styles is permissive parenting, and understanding its strengths and challenges can help guide your approach.^1,2,3

Key Takeaways

Permissive parenting is high in warmth but low in structure
It can support confidence but may limit self-regulation skills
Clear boundaries and expectations help children thrive
Small changes can create a more balanced parenting approach

What Is Permissive Parenting?

Permissive parenting is a style that prioritizes warmth and responsiveness but often lacks structure and consistent boundaries. Parents are nurturing, accepting, and involved but don’t enforce control. They sometimes set rules but don’t follow through, and there are few consequences in place. A permissive parenting style focuses less on helping children learn to regulate their behavior, and expectations are low, so consistent discipline is limited. These moms and dads often give in to their children or allow them to get what they want to have a more friendship-style relationship than a parent-child relationship.^4,5

Examples of Permissive Parenting

Indulgent or permissive parenting is high in responsiveness and low in demands, but what does this look like in everyday life? Permissive parenting can show up in everyday situations in ways that may not always be obvious. Here are some examples:⁶

Parents rarely enforce rules.
They involve their children in significant life choices.
Parents want their children’s opinions and let them make their own decisions, even if they aren’t developmentally or emotionally capable of making those choices.
They promote children’s independence.
Parents don’t ask their kids to take on much responsibility, whether personally, within the home, family, or community.
They are warm, nurturing, and in tune with their children.
Parents are more likely to describe themselves as friends with their kids than as their parents.
They don’t have much structure.
They might resort to bribery or other tactics to get their children to do things rather than setting boundaries, rules, consequences, or punishments.
Any rules parents do have are likely to be inconsistent.

Permissive Parenting: Pros and Cons

Like all parenting styles, permissive parenting has both strengths and challenges that can impact a child’s development.

Pros

Permissive parents tend to be warm, compassionate, affectionate, and highly responsive to their children. This warm and emotional responsiveness is protective and can reduce risky behavior in kids, including using drugs and alcohol. A permissive parenting style is associated with higher self-esteem and social well-being. This is because the parent is tuned in to their child, cares about their wants and needs, and promotes independence.⁷

Cons

While there are some strengths, permissive parenting has its downsides, and these are generally due to a lack of boundaries and expectations that our children need to thrive. Children with permissive parents find it harder to self-regulate, communicate, and share, which can make social interactions more challenging. It can also result in delinquency, aggression, or acting out. This is because they don’t learn how to manage when things don’t go their way. They may also experience lower achievement (including education). Because there are no expectations of them, they don’t feel supported to strive for anything. Still, because they don’t have structure, they may struggle with time management and self-control.^8,9

Gentle Parenting vs. Permissive Parenting

These two styles are often confused, but they differ in important ways. On the surface, gentle parenting and permissive parenting can seem quite similar. So what is gentle parenting, and why is it sometimes confused with permissive parenting? It stems from a high level of responsiveness. Both gentle and permissive parents have a high level of warmth, affection, and compassion for their child(ren) while promoting their independence. People often perceive that gentle parenting is devoid of boundaries, but that is where the two styles differ. Gentle parenting is about recognizing a child’s capacity and sensitively setting appropriate boundaries. When it comes time for consequences, the gentle parent focuses on self-awareness and their child’s emotional experiences.¹⁰

Related: Gentle Parenting: What It Is and How to Practice It

How To Change Permissive Parenting

If you recognize permissive patterns in your parenting, there are practical ways to introduce more structure and consistency.

Don’t Make False Threats

If you set a consequence or punishment, you must follow through. So don’t set your child large, elaborate, or impossible consequences. If you can’t follow through, it undermines the point of the consequence.

Pick Your Battles

With the above in mind, remember to pick your battles, particularly if you haven’t been setting boundaries consistently up until this point. You don’t need to create a battle out of everything or suddenly become too strict or harsh, as you’ll both end up exhausted and frustrated. Instead, be consistent and pick a few key behaviors or situations that mean something to you (like no lying).

Related: 12 Tips to Build a Healthy Parent-Child Relationship

Let Your Child Help Create Consequences

If you don’t like or aren’t used to setting consequences, getting your child’s input might be helpful. This is age-dependent, but you could have a family conversation about the consequences of key behaviors or challenges. You will be surprised at how well kids engage in these conversations, and the consequence is a more meaningful outcome (and the lesson tends to be learned more quickly) when they have input.

Encourage Responsibility at Home

If you like having a mutually respectful, more equal relationship with your child, incorporate them more into the family by having them help out. They could take more responsibility for their own stuff or activities of daily living (getting dressed, making their cereal, or putting away their dishes), or they could even do some things to help around the house.

Related: Chores for Kids by Age: Toddlers to Teens

Catch Them Being Good

This is a great way of promoting positive behaviors. Instead of just focusing on punishment, notice when they are doing the right thing and ensure you share with them that you have noticed. Their self-esteem will certainly get a good boost from being seen doing something positive.

While there is no such thing as a perfect parent, recognizing your parenting style can help you make thoughtful changes. If you notice permissive tendencies, you can still maintain warmth and connection while introducing clearer boundaries and expectations.

Over time, this balance can help your child develop the confidence, structure, and skills they need to succeed.

View Sources +

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1. Yasui, M (2007). “The ethnic context of child and adolescent problem behaviour: implications for child and family interventions”. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review. 10 (2): 137–179. doi:10.1007/s10567-007-0021-9. PMID 17588150. S2CID 3133120.

2. Power TG. Parenting dimensions and styles: a brief history and recommendations for future research. Childhood Obesity. 2013;9(s1):S-14-S-21. doi:10.1089/chi.2013.0034

3. Bornstein, M. H.; Zlotnik, D. (2008-01-01), “Parenting Styles and their Effects”, in Haith, Marshall M.; Benson, Janette B. (eds.), Encyclopedia of Infant and Early Childhood Development, San Diego: Academic Press, pp. 496–509, ISBN 978-0-12-370877-9, retrieved 2023-03-24

4. Santrock, J.W. (2007). A topical approach to life-span development, third Ed. New York: McGraw-Hill

5. Masud, Hamid; Ahmad, Muhammad Shakil; Cho, Ki Woong; Fakhr, Zainab (August 2019). “Parenting Styles and Aggression Among Young Adolescents: A Systematic Review of Literature”. Community Mental Health Journal. 55 (6): 1015–1030. doi:10.1007/s10597-019-00400-0

6. Dalimonte-Merckling D, Williams JM. Parenting styles and their effects. In: Encyclopedia of Infant and Early Childhood Development. Elsevier; 2020:470-480. doi:10.1016/B978-0-12-809324-5.23611-0

7. Garcia F, Serra E, Garcia OF, Martinez I, Cruise E. A third emerging stage for the current digital society? Optimal parenting styles in Spain, the United States, Germany, and Brazil. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2019;16(13):2333. doi:10.3390/ijerph16132333

8. Dornbusch, Sanford; Ritter, Philip; Leiderman, P; Robert, Donald; Fraleigh, Michael (1987). “The Relation of Parenting Style to Adolescent School Performance”. Child Development. 58 (5): 1244–1257. doi:10.2307/1130618

9. Masud S, Mufarrih SH, Qureshi NQ, Khan F, Khan S, Khan MN. Academic performance in adolescent students: the role of parenting styles and socio-demographic factors – a cross sectional study from peshawar, pakistan. Front Psychol. 2019;10:2497. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02497

10. “What Is Gentle Parenting?”. Cleveland Clinic. 2022-08-05

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A woman with long blonde hair is smiling and standing outdoors. She is wearing a black dress with white polka dots. The background is softly blurred, showing some trees and sunlight filtering through.

Rachel Tomlinson Registered Psychologist

Rachel Tomlinson is a registered psychologist and internationally published author of Teaching Kids to Be Kind who has worked with adults, families, and children (birth through eighteen years old) in a variety of settings. She has presented at national conferences on mental health topics (including trauma and play therapy) as well as guest lectured about domestic violence and relationships at colleges and universities. She also serves as a subject matter expert for journalists on topics such as parenting, child development, and relationships. She resides in Perth, Australia.

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