I have always loved my girlfriends. But since becoming I mom, I love my friends even more, especially if they’re also moms. Mom friends just get it! While my non-mom friends don’t always get it, I love them just the same (and trust me, they are good for lots of other things.) I am a firm believer that women need other women to keep them sane, which in turn helps to keep our husbands sane. For example, my husband doesn’t really care to hear about our adventures in potty training when he gets home from work. However, my mom friends are all ears and I love them for this.
Why I Need Mom Friends (And You Do Too!)
My mom friends don’t judge me for my ratty tee shirts and yoga pants at preschool drop-off (because most of them are wearing something similar.) And they know that if they show up at my house unannounced, there is a good chance that it will look like a natural disaster zone — and yet they love and accept me just the same. I’m pretty sure this is a mom of toddlers thing. Bless our un-showered, frazzled mama hearts. We all are just doing the best we can.
Sometimes I just need someone to listen. Not to fix anything — just to listen. I adore my life and I love my husband, my kiddos, and my job. I really am blessed. But sometimes, I just need to complain or drink a margarita, or both. Girlfriends are awesome for this. Husbands are incredible for lots of other things. But gripe and moan fests? Not necessarily one of those things.
All joking aside, I love knowing that my girlfriends have my back. These are the women who encourage me on the daily to be the very best woman, wife, mother, and friend that I can possibly be. I trust that beyond a shadow of a doubt — these ladies would drop everything to be there for me in an emergency situation, as I would for them. When someone has a new baby, or someone loses a job, or a beloved family member — we are a tribe, and we stick together. I cannot even begin to explain how thankful I am for my own Mom Squad. But I understand that getting to the point of having a mom squad can be hard. Not all moms are as nice or welcoming as you would hope they’d be, and that can be discouraging and isolating.
Don’t Let the Mean Moms Get You Down
Finding a mom squad does take some work, and sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone. Walking up to a woman you don’t know and starting a conversation can be nerve wracking! But it’s really the best way to find those mommy friends. In my quest for quality mom friends, I’ve dealt with my fair share of “mean mommies”! And maybe you are experiencing this unfortunate phenomena right now. Don’t let it get you down, mama! Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when dealing with cliquish, bully moms in the carpool line and beyond.
- Don’t take cliques too seriously! It may be that these moms are simply choosing each other rather than rejecting you (“the outsider”).
- Think outside the mommy-group box. A good way to find and connect with other moms is to get involved with something you enjoy, something entirely unrelated to your child and his or her school or sports team. Try getting involved in a community volunteer group, a yoga class, a book club, or a local campaign.
- Give it time. As your littles get older and their social circles expand (as they become involved with various activities), your own opportunities to meet new and different moms will also increase. Most people eventually outgrow snobby, cliquish attitudes, but not everyone. And you don’t want to be friends with those people anyway.
- Keep trying! Though it may seem impossible, sometimes adding one more activity (to your already busy schedule) — like a library reading group, a preschool coffee group, or attending La Leche meetings — can make all the difference. That is, if building friendships with other moms is truly important to you.
- Finally, don’t gossip. And when it gets nasty, leave. You are a grown woman. You don’t need to be a part of that. There are plenty of nice women out there to be friends with — maybe you just haven’t met them yet!