6 Tips to Help You Parent as a Team with Your Partner

6 Tips to Help you Parent as a Team with Your Partner | Baby Chick

6 Tips to Help You Parent as a Team with Your Partner

The day you find out you’re having a baby, you become a parent in your heart. And the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you become a parent in your soul. But the day your sweet little prince(ss) first talks back to you with a cute and dramatic little smirk, you become a parent in your mind. Because that tiny little human that shares your hair, eyes, and dimples is watching and waiting to see how you will respond.

But just as you are getting ready to sweep in with a loving yet firm response, your partner chuckles and ruins it all by saying, “Oh, sweetie. You look just like your mama when you talk like that. And you couldn’t be cuter!” Suddenly, you feel panicked that your partner just let her off the hook for disrespect and you can’t help but feel that if you don’t get a handle on this now, she will one day become “Ms. Sassy Universe 2036.” You can even see her thanking her Dad on stage for her sassiness—all the while you still wonder where her flair for drama is coming from.

Well it’s true. Parenting IS hard. And seeing eye to eye in parenting with your partner can be harder. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing if you do a few things to get started off on the right foot to parent as a team. So that one day when you’re both trying to parent together, you don’t wind up with a foot in your mouth. Here’s six tips for how to parent as a team.

Step One: Discuss How Your Parents Parented You

One of the best ways to figure out the way you want to be as a parent is to evaluate how your parents raised you. It’s likely that you and your spouse were not parented in the same ways. It’s smart to ask yourself things like, “Were my parents authoritative, permissive, strict, lenient? Were they involved, distant or way too nosy?” Discuss these traits with your partner and tell stories that give examples of these types of things. The more you can uncover and understand about the way you were raised, the more prepared you will be for step 2!

Step Two: List Out the Pros and Cons to the Way You Were Parented

Now that you’ve come up with a list of words to describe your parents’ parenting style toward you, begin to discuss why you like or dislike the way in which they did things. If they were strict, discuss ways in which that benefited you. If they were too lenient, discuss ways in which that did not work out well for you. Consider the things you think they did well. Consider the things that did not go well. And then begin to decide which things you would want to emulate toward your own child. And what things you would never want to repeat.

Step Three: Pick One or Two Words to Define Your Parenting Style

Now that you’ve analyzed your upbringing, it’s time to pick your parenting style. This part is challenging but can also be fun. It certainly requires thought, but our children are worth it. Right? So a great way to do this is to think: “What words do I want my children to say guided my parenting style? My mom or dad was __________________ when they parented me.” Then fill in the blank. Do you want that word to be loving, patient, consistent, firm, teaching, gentle, etc.? Then also consider what you don’t want that word to be . . . angry, impatient, reactive or inconsistent. Once you’ve figured out what words you like, say this phrase with your partner, “We want to be ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­______________________ parents.” Practice embracing your decision.

Step Four: Create an Action Plan to Parent as a Team

Now that you know what kind of parents you want to be, take time to discuss how this will play out. Go over certain instances and come to agreement about how you want to handle these things. Ask each other, “How will we respond when they run away? How will we respond when they get out of bed? How will we respond when they talk back?” Talk through challenging situations you’re experiencing so you have a pre-determined response to keep up with your goal to parent as a team.

Step Five: Read Some Parenting Books Together

It is sometimes hard to know how you want to respond to things until you have ideas. Luckily, there are so many great parenting books that exist in the world today! And books that help with pretty much every area of parenting. These books can really help you discover who you want to be as a parent as well as give you and your partner ideas for moving forward. A few of my favorites are Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman and Scream-Free Parenting by Hal Runkel.

Step Six: Create Protocol for What to Do When You Don’t Agree

Lastly, in order to parent well as a team, it’s a must that you don’t fight with one another about parenting in front of your children. They are smart and will learn quickly if they can play one parent against the other. And that is something you never want to happen. So discuss how you will handle a situation with one another if you disagree. This may be telling the child you have to take a moment to discuss consequences. This may be saying you will take turns letting a partner parent their way if you can’t see eye to eye on how to handle a situation. Whatever it is, come up with a game plan that allows you all to remain a united front in front of your children. This will not only help you parent as a team, but will also benefit your relationship.

About the Author /

Quinn is a wife, boy mom (x’s 4), blogger at Sanctification and Spitup, host of the Renew You Podcast and licensed marriage and family therapist. She loves to encourage others in relationships through her speaking, writing or podcast episodes.

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5️⃣ Paternity leave! If you have it TAKE IT. The early stages of a child's life are not just for moms to enjoy. I know as men making the money especially after having a baby it's hard, but trust me. You can always make money but there are no instant replays in life. It doesn't make you more of a man to not take the leave. It's equally as important that you as a Dad get to be a part of the early development of your child. ⁠
If someone needs this info tag them ❤️⁠
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1️⃣ Look for signs of readiness:⁠
- Diaper dry for at least 1-2 hours.⁠
- Pulling at their diaper when its wet or soiled.⁠
- Hiding or fidgeting when going pee or poo in diaper.⁠
- Interest in others using the potty.⁠
- Waking up with a dry diaper after naps.⁠
- Telling you when they have gone pee or poo.⁠
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Potty training is much quicker if your child is showing the above signs, but you can start before this.⁠
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2️⃣ What you will need to buy:⁠
- Toilet seat insert to place on your toilet⁠
- Steps⁠
- Underwear (at least 10 pairs)⁠
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3️⃣ Getting yourself and your child prepared:⁠
- Talk to your child about using the potty, maybe take them into the bathroom when you go and talk them through the process (e.g. wiping, flushing, and washing hands, etc.)⁠
- Practice pulling pants or shorts up and down.⁠
- Look on YouTube with your child at some potty training stories (e.g. 'I Want My Potty' and 'Pirate Pete's Potty')⁠
- Involve your child in choosing and buying everything you need - choosing character-themed underwear is usually very exciting!⁠
- Sit your child on the potty at every diaper change, first thing in the morning and just before bed to get them used to sitting on the toilet.⁠
- Teach your child the correct vocabulary or signs needed to communicate when they need to go potty.⁠
- Make sure you have plenty of spare clothes.⁠
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4️⃣ Let's get toilet trained:⁠
- Get your child to choose a pair of underwear and put them on.⁠
- Talk to them about using the toilet and communicating when they need to pee or poo. You can sit them on the toilet at this point if you wish.⁠
- Take your child to the toilet every 15/20 minutes. Say "let's go to the potty" rather than asking "do you want to go to the toilet" - if you ask, they are likely to say no! Also, look for signs like moving from side-to-side or hiding. These are normal signs that they might need to go potty.⁠
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(Continue reading in the comments!)
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