I’ll be the first to admit it: I never wanted you. In fact, I feared you. I hoped I’d never have to meet you with every ounce of my being. Yet here we are, and I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that you’re here for good. There was no avoiding you.
And today, C-section scar, I want to thank you.
It’s been nearly two years since you became a part of me, yet I remember your arrival like yesterday. I remember that uber-intense labor and how I pushed until my firstborn was “just about out,” only to wind up in the OR at the last minute, following hours of grueling work. I’ll never forget the words my doctor spoke with a certain sternness I knew I couldn’t fight: We’re going to have to do a Cesarean.
A Feeling of Defeat
There I was, completely unprepared and in utter disbelief, following what I had believed would lead me to a textbook delivery of my firstborn child. At that moment, I felt defeated. Over time, though, I’ve realized that those feelings couldn’t have been further from the truth. The truth is, I survived. My baby survived. I have her. And, C-section scar, I have you to thank for that. I have you to remind me of that.
Then, when I went into labor with my second child almost two months early and found myself in an emergency within five minutes of pushing, you were again: The only option. The dreaded option that would somehow also bring me the other most precious blessing of my life. An option I had tried so hard to fight again yet couldn’t. But this time, it was different. My body had grown to accept you, and I had grown to trust you. Once again, I survived. My baby survived. And again, C-section scar, I have you to thank for that.
So today, C-section scar, I want to honor you.
There was a time when the feelings you brought included bitterness. Sadness. Confusion. Discomfort. Disappointment. Frustration. Grief. Pain.
A numb, purple, raised line is noticeable through every bathing suit. Memories of the unwelcome moment I was confined to the operating table as steady hands brought my daughter to safety. I lack memories of when they did the same for my son, who arrived too quickly for an epidural or spinal. The only option was for me to be put under as doctors lost his heart rate. A constant reminder that my childbearing future is now at the mercy of what lies below you, scar tissue of seven layers cut through.
Feeling Grateful for My C-Section Scar
Now, though, C-section scar, I can’t help but feel so much more for you. From the bottom of my heart, I am so grateful to you. Because of you, my two greatest dreams came true. I have a daughter, and I have a son. Even more, C-section scar, I have the strongest me I have ever known. I am the strongest me I have ever known. I have courage, resilience, and a depth far more profound than the one you leave behind. I am courage, strength, and the depths of the motherhood I embody, made possible only by you, C-section scar.
Because of you, I am me: Mom, Mama, Mommy. Unstoppable, powerful, incredible. Just like any other. The feelings that dwell within me have shifted. When I look at you, C-section scar, I am full of gratitude and awe, truth and pride, acceptance, love, and grace. Not only for myself but for my babies and you. For everything we’ve been through together, for everything we’ve made it through.
Lessons of Personal Strength
While it’s taken time and effort to get to this point, you’ve taught me that the physical does not limit me nor define me. You’ve taught me that I can weather the very storms I once ran from – and even come out on the other side, enlightened by rays of warmth, peace, and strength. You’ve taught me that my value as a mother is not related to how things did or did not go as planned. Instead, my value as a mother is evident in the story you’ve allowed me to tell and in the chapters we’ll continue to write together as we, C-section scar, continue growing together.
Every day, C-section scar, you remind me that bringing new life into this world is a fragile, sacred, and selfless act, but all the while, I am fully capable. Even more, I am fully worthy of all the joy, love, and pride of that selfless act. You’ve reminded me that my body has not failed me; my body has endured. My body has fought. Through you, C-section scar, my body has made way to become so much more than I ever thought I would be. To find myself in a place I never thought I would: perfectly competent and worthy of love and acceptance. Not just the kind those two precious miracles of new life continue to give me every day, but the kind you’ve allowed me to give to myself.
So today, C-section scar, I thank you, honor you, and accept you.
We’ve made it.