Last month, we learned all about Enneagram Type 2 — Helper Moms. Today we are going to explore the world of Enneagram Type 3 moms. These Achiever Moms are the performers of the group and work hard at seeking approval in their lives. Here are some ways Achiever Moms can use their unique personalities to become the best versions of themselves. Threes are known to be driven, ambitious, and image-conscious. They live for success. They fear of being worthless or failing.
Enneagram Type 3 — The Achiever Mom
Here are some helpful parenting tips for enneagram type 3s:
1. Accept that you are enough.
“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” — Maya Angelou, poet, and activist
Type 3s tend to fear being worthless above all else. As a parent who is a 3, please know that you are enough and have great value regardless of what you have or have not accomplished in your life or even this week. Figure out who you are apart from your achievements and successes. Your kids need you to know and love yourself well so that you can also know and love them well.
2. Be honest about your needs and feelings.
“Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.” — Tyrion Lannister in George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones
As achievers, type 3s often struggle to be authentic about their flaws in an effort to protect their self-image. Be honest about your shortcomings with yourself and with your kids. Own your flaws. Tell the truth about what you need, like rest or self-care breaks. There is power in transparency.
4. Stop looking for approval from other people.
“Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” — Wayne W. Dyer, author and self-development speaker
Type 3s tend to thrive on public attention and approval because they lack a strong sense of self-approval. As a parent who is a type 3, learn to love yourself for who you really are, not for what you can achieve or be rewarded for in front of an audience. Your kids are watching and will likely follow your lead.
5. Set boundaries with work and volunteering.
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” — Brené Brown, Ph.D., author, speaker, podcast host, social worker, shame researcher, and University of Houston professor
Type 3s are the ultimate workaholics. Don’t take on too many projects at once. Allow yourself to say “no” to people. Hit pause when necessary. Make it a habit to walk away from your phone and computer on a regular basis. Spend time being present with your kids. Don’t forget to take an interest in their “work,” which is probably play and school.
6. Stop trying to better yourself.
“I wish I didn’t feel like there’s a better version of me out there. I feel that way all the time.” — Taylor Swift in her Netflix documentary, Miss Americana
Type 3s struggle to find contentment in who, what, and where they are. They are constantly striving to improve themselves and achieve a higher level of excellence in whatever they do. Learn to love who you are right now, not who you will be tomorrow.
7. Accept that your kids are enough.
“Maybe if you had been different, you would have been what they wanted. But if you had been what they wanted, you would be different than who you were supposed to be.” — Morgan Harper Nichols, musician
Type 3s often spend a lot of their time and mental energy inflating or safeguarding their own self-image. As a parent who is a type 3, make sure you praise your kids as much as you praise your accomplishments. Acknowledge their talents and achievements, too. Support your children as they follow their own paths. Always give them your personal recognition regardless of how much or how little public recognition they receive in their endeavors. Learn to love your kids (and yourself) for who they are and not for what they accomplish.
Stay tuned next month for more on the Enneagram Type 4 – The Individualist Moms!
If you don’t know your Enneagram type yet and would like to find out, it’s as easy as taking a test online. You can read through The Enneagram Institute’s descriptions of the nine types. There is also a free enneagram type test available through Your Enneagram Coach.