Learning To Filter Your So-Called Friends

motherhood • Published March 25, 2016

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In the days of social media, navigating motherhood is harder than ever. In an attempt to be transparent and “keeping it real” we often openly share about our #momfails just as often as we share our mom wins. But are your followers laughing with you or AT you? Sometimes it can be hard to tell. I think we’ve all fallen victim to the backhanded compliments, the negative posts or vague status updates (Is she talking about ME?), and because we’ve all been there I wanted to talk with you about learning to filter your so-called “friends” and identifying mean girls turned mean mommies online. So what exactly is a Facebook frenemy?

fren·e·my

ˈfrenəmi/

noun

informal

plural noun: frenemies

a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.

Sounds fairly harsh, right? Someone who appears to be a friend despite secretly being a hater. It can be a blow to the ego and the heart when you realize that not everyone who clicks “add friend” or “follow” on your accounts actually have your best interests in mind. So how do we identify who to weed out?

A real friend will tell you what they’re thinking to your face. If you posted a questionable parenting post on Facebook, they will talk to you about it. They want to protect you, to positively inspire you, to pick you up when you’re low. A frenemy will screen shot that post and tear you to shreds in private group chats.

Still wondering how to pinpoint who you need to “unfriend”? Follow people’s actions. Chances are if you ask for carpool help due to a jam packed schedule, need a recipe for a dinner that will impress the in-laws, or pat yourself on the back about your latest fitness goal, your true friends will be sincerely happy FOR you and happy to help you out! They might offer a link to their favorite recipe or be willing to trade a school pick up for babysitting. A frenemy will offer a critique of your jam packed schedule usually seasoned by a backhanded compliment, “Oh wow, congrats on hitting your post baby body goals, but I guess all that gym time is why you can’t make carpool.” Get the gist?

Be ruthless in protecting your head and your heart from hateful followers. Don’t let guilt or the fact that you’ve “known” someone since high school or that they are a “friend of a friend” deter you from blocking them from your posts. Not everyone you lose is a loss, and ridding yourself from grown up mean girls is most certainly a win!

Genuine people genuinely want the best for the people they care about. Has it ever surprised you that in your online community you sometimes find MORE support and encouragement than you do from your “real life” friends? I think that’s because sometimes when there is a tinge of jealously or secret longing for things you have from people you know, it can evoke their negative feelings about themselves that they in turn project onto you. Pay attention to people who don’t clap when you win. It might be time to move on from them.

Don’t worry about the numbers. Your followers, likes and shares are irrelevant if they are by people who are using your friendship and loyalty against you. It’s time we filter through our friends lists. Weed out our fake friends, and say farewell to the Facebook frenemies for good.